Don't Call Me Daddy
by Kerichi
Summary: Potions Master, Death Eater, Professor, Spy... Severus Snape has played many roles in his life, but is he up to the biggest challenge yet? Sequel to Simply Irresistible
1. The Omen

Disclaimer: If I was Jo, the HBP would've been a very different story. Since I'm not, I'm grateful that this is the sequel to 'Simply Irresistible', a fic based on an alternate sixth year, where Snape is a sexy, sardonic Potions Master and Dumbledore lives. In this story, Severus deals with a pregnant wife and fatherhood, experiencing romance and a happy ending!

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Don't Call Me Daddy

Chapter 1- The Omen

A grey hair was _not_ an omen.

Severus Snape leaned forward to scrutinize the offending strand more closely in the mirror. His lean, clever features tightened with irritation. Stygian dark eyes contemplated hair that was just as deeply black, falling to his shoulders. All save a single exception. Last night, toward the end of the Welcoming Feast, the Potions Master had caught Minerva eyeing him oddly. When he'd looked at the woman inquiringly, she'd cleared her throat before stating,

"Beg Pardon, Severus, it's just that…you've got a grey hair."

He'd scoffed,

"I'm surprised that I don't have a head full of them, after all those years of teaching dunderheads and thanklessly helping Potter retain his title of The-Boy-Who-Lived."

McGonagall's dignified mien had softened into a slight smile at the mention of the savior of the Wizarding World. Harry-Bloody-Potter had survived to finish his seventh year at Hogwarts. Voldemort was no more. The end of the Dark Lord's reign of terror had wrought several changes in Snape's personal and professional life. No longer was he required to remain behind Hogwarts' walls. If he had chosen, any one of a dozen corporations and foundations would have offered him their highest position. Instead, the youngest and most brilliant Potions Master in the world had decided to teach Advanced Potions for the few sixth and seventh years meriting his instruction. The rest of his valuable time was spent researching and developing potions of his own choosing.

"Did Harry send…er…you a post card from Romania too?"

A satiric eyebrow had risen, causing the Head of Gryffindor House to murmur, "Oh" and turn toward the Headmaster, who immediately asked her opinion of the new Associate Professor teaching History of Magic under Binns. The ghost had decided to retire from daily teaching in order to assist another spirit in re-organizing the Room of Records. Severus' glance had briefly rested on the young man who would probably become the most popular professor in the history of the school- at least to the female population. Draco Malfoy, elegant in custom-tailored black teaching robes, lounged in the last staff chair. Ignoring Hagrid's conversation, the blond's grey gaze remained fixed on the Gryffindor Table. Not needing to see a certain fiery haired girl to know who the History professor was looking at; his gaze had shifted across a Hairy Oaf to rest on the woman who _had_ received a post card from Potter. His wife…

Lorelei had been chatting animatedly with her friend, the Defense Against Dark Arts professor Tonks. The metamorphmagus sported dark purple hair that night. His smirk over the woman's choice of eggplant parmesan for dinner had relaxed into a half smile upon meeting a sparkling midnight gaze. As usual, the now full-time Potions Professor had given him a look that Dumbledore once puckishly claimed 'reheated his coffee'. Married in a secret ceremony during Easter Holiday over a year and a half ago, they'd only made their true relationship public knowledge after Voldemort's defeat. Gossip had rapidly spread like wildfire throughout the staff, and from what he'd seen; the student grapevine had already made the news common knowledge.

Due to his distaste for providing the rabble with food for speculation and his spouse's enjoyment of Tonks and Hagrid's inane conversation, the couple sat apart at the Staff Table. That didn't stop Lorelei from flirting outrageously with her husband. Maybe it was the woman's siren blood that made her enjoy slanting covert looks his way. His dark gaze had flickered over the lovely features of her face before narrowing on the full red lips that smiled widely after she perceived his gaze. Snape had hastily twisted his own lips- to conceal a smile.

"Hey, admiring your sardonic splendor is _my_ job."

In the mirror, his eyes met Lorelei's. She stepped beside him and raised a hand to stroke his cheek. Severus' grimace transformed into a wry smile,

"I was not contemplating my reflection out of vanity, woman. I was looking at this…" Pointing to the offending strand, he admitted, "I have never had one before, and Sybil making a rare descent to the Hall to announce that someone would receive a grey omen has…disconcerted me."

Why the admission resulted in his wife practically melting all over him was a mystery. It was illogical…but enjoyable. The soft, loving gaze made feelings of unease fade. They'd overcome ghosts of the past and obstacles that had arisen in the present. He'd let the future take care of itself. Their mouths met in a kiss that caused him to gently shift Lorelei in order to deepen the embrace. Masculine fingers slid long, black tresses to one side. Trailing kisses down the smooth skin of her neck, Severus' eyes opened. The image in the reflective surface made thin, mobile lips curve.

After his last morning class, the Potions Master dismissed the small group of seventh years worthy of his intensive instruction and deliberated whether to partake lunch in the Hall or ask Slinky to deliver a sandwich to his private laboratory.

"Professor Snape"

Looking up in calm inquiry, he drawled,

"Yes, Professor Malfoy?"

Flashing a grin, the young man strolled into the room,

"I'm still not used to hearing that…wasn't long ago that I was a mere Prefect."

"Slytherin are never simple…it is not in our nature."

A laugh echoed in the dungeon chamber. He didn't show it, but the sound made Snape smile inwardly. The evidence of Draco's adjustment to his father's death and the events surrounding it was most welcome. There was an unspoken accord between the older wizard and the young man he had mentored. His pride in Malfoy's accomplishments and concern for his welfare was almost…

"I'm in need of your counsel." Hopping onto a table and swinging long legs in a way that reminded the watcher of the Slytherin's youth, Draco explained, "Malfoy Enterprises is running fine under new management, but one VP has accused another of misappropriating funds. I've got to floo to London this afternoon and sort the matter out. Which would you advise I use, Verisimilitude Serum or Mentitiri Potion?"

Leaning back in his desk chair, Severus tapped his fingers together and mused,

"Verisimilitude is effective in forcing a truthful answer, but the serum ensures only one honest response per dose, which hampers interrogation. If you use Mentitiri, the suspected thief can be questioned closely, and if he blushes, the lie will be known. Was that what you wanted to hear?"

Impeccably coiffed platinum hair shifted when the other man nodded,

"Yeah…a wise man once told me that a second opinion costs nothing but time, and can be discounted if not proven valuable. Would you happen to have a flagon of Mentitiri on hand?"

Standing, Snape led the way toward his private lab and the personal stores that held, among a myriad of other potions, Mentitiri. Lips twitching, he queried dryly after assenting to retrieve the flagon,

"Did this _wise man_ also tell you that flattery is a useful tool in achieving your goals?"

Grinning, Draco answered,

"Why yes, you did."

Inclining his head in gracious acknowledgement of Malfoy's thanks and promise to inform Lorelei that her husband would be occupied below during the noon meal, Severus turned his attention to the new potion he was working on. To be more precise, the old potion that he was attempting to brew in a new way… Currently, Wolfsbane Potion had to be made fresh and ingested a week before the full moon for the drinker to retain his mind and transform into a wolf instead of a were-wolf.

The Potions Master had readily consented to assembling the complicated formula every month for Lupin. His analytical mind, however, had been piqued by the thought that if the Potion could be stabilized to a point where it would remain viable when placed in a stasis chamber, then a lycanthrope would be able to keep a supply of Wolfsbane on hand, and management of his condition would be much less stressful.

A voice in the back of his mind mocked,

_What do you care about lessening another's stress? Oh, I forgot, you and Lupin are friends now, having dinner with your partners and playing darts in the pub. Maybe Remy will ask you to be his best man if he ever takes that final step into insanity and marries the metamorphmagus. Then everyone will know that hell hath truly frozen over…_

Grimly shoving thoughts that sounded too much like his late, un-lamented father for comfort into a mental vault and slamming the door, Snape concentrated on the experiment at hand. Carefully pouring the finalized solution into a goblet, he waited with unconsciously bated breath for steam to rise. No vapors appeared. He fought the urge to throw the goblet against a wall.

"Severus, come quick!"

The urgency in Malfoy's voice stopped the professor from snapping, 'Don't call me Severus.' It was readily apparent that Draco had meant no disrespect. Immediately heading toward the doorway, Snape demanded,

"What has happened?"

Shaking his head, the young man confessed,

"I'm not sure. Lorelei told Hagrid that she was feeling dizzy, stood, and then fainted. I carried her to the infirmary and then ran here as fast as possible."

Placing his hand for a moment on Malfoy's shoulder, he said, 'Thank you' before striding quickly toward the hospital wing, black robes billowing. Severus heard Draco's steps following, but didn't turn and dismiss the man. The feeling of dread that had plagued him ever since Trelawney had made her prediction was threatening to become something vaguely resembling panic. If Malfoy accompanied him, it would be easier to remain calm and collected. Opening the infirmary door, the concerned husband wanted to rush down the chamber toward the curtained area at the end, but he forced himself to take deliberate steps, only slowing when Poppy's brusquely sympathetic voice carried,

"Had you never considered the possibility before?"

What possibility? Lorelei's voice was faint,

"No…I've been trying a new monthly potion…" She mentioned a specific name, "It's supposed to be fail-safe."

Snape's hand froze in position to open the curtain when the mediwitch said decisively,

"I'm afraid that's not the case. You make it yourself, so I don't expect you've read the fine print on the commercial product. It becomes less effective if the magical properties are…put into use…more than twice…"

The woman's voice drifted off embarrassedly. Sounding contemplative, Lorelei finished,

"…a day? Yes, that sounds about right, except for the weekends, or holidays when we have more time, aren't so busy."

Severus' eyes closed, even before the simultaneous exclamations,

"_A Day!"_

Pomfrey's tone was shocked; Tonks' disbelieving. Black strands fell forward when he shook his head upon hearing,

"What had you meant?"

After a short pause and a muffled answer, Lorelei interjected,

"_A Week!"_

Hearing Draco's muffled snort of amusement propelled the older man into action. He swept aside the curtain and moved to his wife's side. She exclaimed,

"Severus! You're just in time. Poppy's about to do a test to see if…" Clasping his hands tightly, her face lit up, "…we might be having a baby!"

The corners of his mouth turned upwards. Quietly, he asked,

"What test?"

Looking askance at the smirking former student, the mediwitch proceeded to disregard both the blond and the purple haired DA professor to lift a blue glass bottle off a shelf and uncork it, saying,

"Don't ask me the whys and wherefores, but after I place a drop of blood into the solution, vapors arise in a way that indicates expectancy." Briskly matching actions to words, she concluded, "If the shape of a rabbit forms and hops around, there is no pregnancy, but if the rabbit manifests, and then dissipates…"

Five sets of eyes watched the vapors twist into the shape of a rabbit and then dissolve. Snape and Lorelei looked wonderingly at each other. Draco said humorously,

"The rabbit died."

Slanting the young professor a look that caused him to hurriedly offer his congratulations and leave, unfathomable dark eyes returned to shining ones. Tonks hugged his wife enthusiastically, himself hesitantly, and rushed away. Pomfrey bustled out, murmuring that she had to go get something…somewhere. Alone with his wife, Severus was filled with conflicting emotions. He'd never allowed himself to envision having a child. Even after his marriage. In the depths of his soul, the man felt that he didn't deserve one. Apparently, the cosmos, or fate had decided otherwise. He was to be a father. The knowledge filled him with humility, and elation.

"I love you."

Tenderly kissing the lips that smiled even while his wife cried those paradoxical 'happy tears', Snape repeated the words back to Lorelei before bending down and impulsively kissing the abdomen that would expand as his child grew. Almost inaudibly, he whispered,

"I love you too…but don't call me daddy."

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A/N: I've always wondered about the 'rabbit died' pregnancy test saying, but I'm too busy writing (i.e. lazy) to look it up, so if any of my brilliant readers know off hand and can explain, I'd love to know. Even if you don't, Review and make my life worth writing:D 

Since this is a sequel, I don't think anyone would mind if I thank the wonderful readers that have reviewed the final chap of Simply Irresistible so far: **Autumn9265039**:; **Catalyst**:; **cato'nine**:;** Demon of Doom**:;** Embellished**:; **Ezmerelda**:;** FNP**:; **Funnykido**;:** GraceRichie**:; **Hermione Weasley 192**:; **Inari no Kitsune**:; **Jedi Knight Padme**:; **Kagura no baka**:;** LadyLuck321**:; **LadyZymurgy**:; **madmissymel**:;** Mew Katherine**:;** Midnight Walker**:; **mothproofrhubarb**:;** NazgulGirl**:; **Queen of the Sacred Flames**:; **Severusgirl**:; **Slipknot-3113**:; **Slythchick**:; **Sunny9847**:; **zafaran**:; Your kind words made parting from the story more sweet than sorrow. Muah! If anyone does mind, well, I'd rather ask for forgiveness than permission. LOL


	2. The Quest

Disclaimer: Don't think Rowling would ever think of Snape in quite the same way! Or use _The Rabbit Test_, lol. Thanks to **ElspethBates** for cluing me in to the test being an old, thankfully obsolescent one where a rabbit was sacrificed to examine ovaries that had been injected w/ a woman's…hormones…ick. I actually got off my arse and went to wordorigins dot com and looked it up. It seems that the misconception that the hormones killed the bunnies led to the phrase "The Rabbit Died" entering our vocabulary as a euphemism for a positive pregnancy test. Now that the discovery channel moment is over, hope the chap makes up for the…Grimm…tale…heh

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Don't Call Me Daddy

Chapter 2- The Quest

It was a dark and stormy night…

Leaning low over his broomstick, Severus Snape smirked at the trite gothic description that came to mind. Moments later, he gave an involuntary flinch when a flash of lightning lit the sky, followed by a roll of thunder. Flying over the Scottish landscape, searching the darkness illuminated only by the tip of his wand and the whims of nature, dark eyes in a pale face narrowed…was that his target ahead? Descending, the Potions Master dismounted and quickly shrunk the broom into a twig that he put into his pocket. Striding forward, the determined man evaluated the challenge before him.

The keep stood on a small hill overlooking the desolate countryside. Not a tree or shrub softened the scenery. A moat encircled the small fortress, its drawbridge raised against uninvited guests. The lean face hardened in resolve. Welcome or not, he was going in. Behind that stone wall lay the prize he had ventured forth in the dead of night to seize. Failure was not an option.

A flash of lightning revealed the presence of something swimming in the moat. The man in black used a Disillusionment Charm to blend in with his surroundings. Cat-like tread brought him to the edge of the deceptively calm water. Within moments, an undulating shape passed the spot where the concealed professor stood. Impassive, unseen eyes watched the giant snake-like creature pause to lift its head out of the dark water before swimming off to complete its rotation around the keep. Breaking one charm to employ another, he became visible and engaged a Levitation Spell. The floating on air feeling was one Severus had never liked. Halfway across the moat, thin lips quirked at the irony of a 'malevolent bat' not caring for the sensation of flying.

The piercing shriek drove Snape to hurl himself forward. A stinging sensation made him hiss in pain. Cursing the creature and himself for the preoccupation that had led to this pass, the man dropped to the ground in front of the drawbridge. Immediately, he used a Healing Charm to close the gash on his lower leg. Baleful eyes watched him from the churning water in the moat. Long, dagger-sharp teeth gnashed. Another shriek rent the night air.

_How mortifying to prove Dumbledore's saying correct. Assuming really did make an ass out of me. I should have made certain that the guardian was a water serpent. Shrieking eels are much more cunning…and they jump._

Turning his attention to the keep, the Potions Master waved his wand in a series of rune shapes. They glowed red and then faded away. Hmmm… That meant his supposition that wards had been used to deter the unwelcome was valid. Gothel, the witch abiding here, was a competent spell-caster. However, Severus very much doubted that she was 'the most feared sorceress in Scotland'. An idea struck. Stepping away from the portcullis, with the creature swimming parallel to his path, the professor stopped after walking a short distance and lifted his wand again. This time, the runes glowed green, proving his conjecture. The wards were used on the entrance, not the walls themselves. Sparing a single, triumphant glance at the creature now thrashing with fury, he levitated up and over the stone rampart.

Once his feet touched solid ground, Snape re-engaged the Disillusionment Charm and scanned the area. In what had once been an area where knights would train was an extensive garden. Frequent lightning revealed the orderly beds and rows. Focusing on the Campanula Rapunculus that was the goal of his quest, he nimbly plucked leaves randomly in order to keep his appropriations from negatively affecting the plants. Storing the greens in a fresh-loc container that he shrunk to place alongside the broom in his pocket, Severus tossed a small bag of galleons toward the keep's side door. He stared when a silver-haired witch materialized and caught the sack.

"Not many pregnant women crave rampion these days. Thanks for the gold. I've never demanded payment, but it's appreciated all the same."

Becoming visible, he inclined his head stiffly,

"You are welcome. The late hour, and your…precautions…precluded a formal request for the Rapuncula."

Looking down her long nose, Gothel cackled,

"I bet the fools in the village bleated that old tale of children demanded in return for rampion, didn't they?"

Lifting an imperious eyebrow, Snape drawled coolly,

"I pay no heed to gossip, and anyone who tries to take my child will regret it."

The wind picked up, blowing black strands that did nothing to soften the menacing expression on the man's face. Wiping away a tear of mirth, the witch raised a hand to push back flyaway silvery hair,

"I believe you, wizard, but worry not; I have my hands full taking care of my great-granddaughter…"

"Mother Gothel, is it my prince? Should I let down my hair?"

Rolling her eyes, the old witch called up to the insipid blonde leaning out of a window in the tower,

"Don't you dare, Rapunzel! It's starting to rain and that rope of hair takes forever to dry!"

"Ohhhh! It's not fair! I'm imprisoned in a tower in the middle of nowhere and dying of boredom!"

Heaving a sigh at the nasal whine emitting from above, the older witch ordered,

"Go back to bed, child. Some day your prince will come, but it's not tonight!"

After the window slammed shut, Gothel said dryly,

"Some bloke in black leather will ride up on his motorbike and steal her away one day…if I'm lucky." She winked at him, "Not that I blame her for hoping, but it's obvious that you're taken…what's the name of your lady wife? I'd like to record it in my journal."

"Lorelei"

A large smile wreathed the woman's face,

"Marina's daughter…? My, my, how the years have flown… Sirens are known for craving greens. I've been paid a visit from every woman in that family for generations. Feel free to return again. The roots are delicious in stir fry. Your wife probably knows that the leaves are wonderful combined with meslun and baby lettuces in salad. If she wants to try something different, add some chicken and an orange pomegranate dressing, or grilled shrimp and a lemony…" Trailing off after noticing that _both _his eyebrows had risen, the witch cleared her throat nervously before promising, "I'll bespell the drawbridge to open for you…Mr..."

"Snape, Severus Snape."

The rain began to fall harder, fat drops that soaked his hair and clothing before the water-repelling spell took effect. Bidding Gothel thanks and farewell, Severus mounted his broomstick. He flew speedily through the increasingly inclement weather. Lightning split the sky and lit the way. Rain made visibility poor over the last few kilometers. Thankfully, he knew the route well from his work for The Order. Landing outside Hogwarts' gates, the man ignored the discomfort of sodden garments to quicken his steps. Inside the quarters that had been combined by some facet of the castle's magic after their marriage, Snape found Lorelei pacing restively. Hands that had been twisting the tie to her green satin robe stilled when his wife saw him step through the portrait hole,

"Thank Merlin! I've been so worried." Red lips began to tremble, "You braved the storm to satisfy my craving…what if you'd crashed…"

Placing a finger to her lips to still the flood of self-recrimination, he stated,

"I will always strive to give you what you need."

Slender fingers smoothed wet strands back before she brushed her mouth against his. Easing away, eyes like black velvet flickered over him,

"You're wet!" Her expression changed from concern to something more intriguing, "…and dirty," She licked her lips, "…and sweaty."

Suddenly, her hands were sinking into his hair while her mouth met his in an urgent kiss that revealed a need more pressing than a craving for rampion. His hands molded her curves. The need to touch, to love, consumed them both. Gathering Lorelei into his arms, Severus smiled against her hair, wondering if he'd be able to do this as easily in the months ahead when their baby made her slender body more cumbersome. Snape's heart beat faster even while his stride halted briefly when she murmured,

"My hero"

Several days later, the deep satisfaction he'd experienced became tempered with cynicism.

_See the conquering hero comes…_

A wistful admission from his tired, expectant wife had caused the Potions Master to volunteer to fetch yet another item Lorelei craved with intense longing. He must have been barmy. It had been years since Severus had ventured forth into the Muggle world. Albus had been more than delighted to scry the exact location of the shop where the desired product was sold. With the detailed image firmly impressed into mind, the head of Slytherin House quickly Apparated to the exact place he had envisioned. Hastily using the Disillusionment Charm, the man crossed his arms and stared at the building before him.

_How can this be called a grocer? It's enormous! Muggles obviously trek here from miles around. The sheer numbers of motorized vehicles lined up in the sea of parking is astounding. Do none of them patronize a local shop? Look at those…trolley contraptions…what do Muggles fill them with? Is it mandatory to have one? Everything about this place is unnatural and unpleasant. _

On bags that had _Sainsbury's _printed boldly, Snape read, _Making life taste better_, and sneered. Overwhelmed by the crowd of shoppers and the thought of entering such an establishment, he made a decision and Disapparated.

Apparating into the back garden of a London townhome, the man in black quickly climbed the stairs that led to the flat where the former DA professor and current Head of Research for Siren Cosmetics resided. Rapping sharply on the door, he waited impatiently to be admitted. Curling a lip at the Chudley Cannons tee the other wizard sported with denim trousers of all things, he brushed past Lupin to stalk into the small, but surprisingly tidy flat.

"To what do I owe this pleasure, Severus?"

A muscle in the black-haired man's jaw began to tic. Levelly, he admitted,

"I require your assistance. Lorelei has a…" Looking away from the wolfishly grinning face, Snape finished, "…craving…for a certain brand of ice-cream. The establishment from which it is sold is Muggle…Sainsbury's…and unfamiliar to me." Brown eyes gleamed when he asked, "Would you accompany me to purchase the product?"

A series of coughs were woefully inadequate to disguise barks of laughter. Gaining control of himself, Remus raked back his gray-streaked brown hair and assented,

"Of course I'll come along. I've been meaning to pick up some ready meals." Grimacing, Lupin confessed, "Tonks likes to cook on weekends."

Nobly refraining from sneering at a man who allowed an incompetent chef to wreak havoc on his digestive system, Severus lifted a brow at the denim jacket the wizard slung on, but otherwise abstained from comment. They quickly Apparated to the supermarket and entered. Once again, the Potions Master felt overwhelmed by the vast space. It was crowded, over-bright, and noisy. Thankfully, Lupin was a frequenter of the market. Trying not to attract undue attention, the taller wizard strolled with him to the frozen foods section. Several customers looked warily at his long black cloak and black clothing. Whenever he caught someone's eye, theirs would widen and look away. It was perversely amusing.

The variety of ice-cream was astonishing. Why did Muggles need so many selections to choose from? Was there really any difference between all the brands? A 500ml container of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie caught his eye. Relieved beyond measure, Snape opened the compartment and withdrew a container.

"Is that all you're going to get? I'd stock up, if I were you…look, here's an empty trolley, let's fill it." Eager to spend another's money, the man began to toss every variety of the desired brand into the trolley, "Chocolate chip cookie dough's my favorite. Hide one from your pregnant wife for me, will you mate?"

Dryly, he retorted,

"Consider it yours for assistance rendered…mate…"

A variety of ready meals were added to the trolley. Newly thankful for house-elves, Severus watched the till assistant scan his items with detached curiosity. Upon hearing the total, fathomless black orbs betrayed the shock he felt. Remus huffed in amusement, watching his former enemy and reserved friend hand over Muggle funds with a scowl. Good naturedly padding behind Snape, pushing the trolley, the were-wolf waited until they'd walked around the side of the supermarket to hand over the bags of ice cream and say,

"Well, this has been an experience. I know interacting with Muggles is outside your comfort zone, my friend, but it will be well worth it- you're Lorelei's hero."

Uncomfortable with the praise, thin lips twisted,

"I am not a hero."

Quietly, Lupin replied,

"The ordinary man is involved in action, the _hero_ acts. An immense difference." Smiling, Remus admitted, "Don't credit me with that wisdom, I appropriated it from a writer named Henry Miller."

Gruffly thanking the other wizard for his aid, Severus Disapparated. Back outside the gates of Hogwarts, he impatiently thrust them open and strode toward the castle. Inside the kitchens, he handed the sacks to Slinky with the admonishment to let no one save Lorelei near the ice-cream. Snatching up a container of Ben & Jerry's and a spoon, he left the amused house elves behind. Inside their lounge, his wife was reclining on the sofa, asleep. Snape bent to pick up the book she'd been reading. _What A Witch Should Expect When She's Expecting. _Placing the volume on the low table, he cupped his wife's cheek, stroking the soft skin. Her eyes opened. Sleepily, she smiled,

"Severus, you're home. Did everything go alright? I would've gone with you if I hadn't felt so tired."

His mouth curved. Nodding, he held up the small carton. Her fatigue evaporated. Sitting up, she patted the cushion beside her and exclaimed,

"Ben & Jerry's! I've been fantasizing about Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream for days. Accepting the small carton, the siren ate a spoonful and closed her eyes, moaning, "Oh my gods that's good."

Lips twitching, he said dryly,

"I'm jealous."

A peal of melodic laughter earned a fleeting smile. She promptly fed him a spoonful of the dessert. It was bewitchingly delicious. Were Ben & Jerry wizards disguised as Muggles? Within minutes, they had devoured the ice cream. Snape frowned until he remembered the other containers stowed away in the kitchen. Noticing a bit of chocolate clinging to Lorelei's mouth, he considerately leaned close to lick it away. She returned the favor. With an inner smile, Severus gave in to a craving of his own- for chocolate kisses.

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A/N: Had too much fun writing about our valiant hero and his quests to satisfy cravings. Hoped you enjoyed my use of the Brothers Grimm's Rapunzel and the guys shopping Sainsbury's. If you take a moment to fulfill my craving for your review- you'll be my hero :D 


	3. Morning Sickness

Disclaimer: Not Rowling, not worried that my sense of humor is warped…much…

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Don't Call Me Daddy

Chapter 3- Morning Sickness

The coffee didn't smell right. Grimacing at the unpleasant aroma, Severus thrust the mug away and opened The Daily Prophet. He didn't bother to look at the front page. For the last few months, every day brought a new and more idolizing portrayal of Harry-Bloody-Potter.

Articles like, _How Tragedy Forged A Hero _made him scowl so horribly while sitting at the Staff Table that ickle firsties had cried. That's when he began taking morning meals in his quarters. Glancing up to see his glowing wife enter the lounge, the Potions Master smirked. The view was better here anyway. Sitting beside him in a loosely belted robe, gypsy-dark eyes appraised his attire after a kiss,

"No classes today, love?"

The sleeves of his tailored black shirt were rolled up, exposing his forearms. Thin lips curved,

"How gratifying to have a perceptive wife…"

Giving him one of those melting 'you remembered' looks, Lorelei promptly moved to sit in his lap and slide her fingers into his hair. Kisses trailed a path along his jaw to his ear. Mobile lips twitched at the corners when she purred,

"Do you remember what I told you after you said that to me on our Wedding Day?"

His fingers pulled the belt that was tied so loosely it fell right off,

"You promised to always take pleasure in gratifying your husband."

The siren's pleased laughter was stilled by his mouth. After a deep, loving kiss, she smiled,

"I may have fallen asleep right after dinner last night, but I'm wide awake now."

He teasingly nibbled the neck arched in invitation,

"So I see."

And smell. His wife never used perfumes, scented soaps or lotions in order to better detect the freshness and potency of aromatic potions ingredients. Snape was grateful. Naturally fragrant, soft skin was infinitely preferable to some cloying scent. Last night, whatever manufactured stench McGonagall had worn had been so strong that it turned his stomach and ruined his appetite. Firmly dismissing unpleasant thoughts, the lean man turned his lips, and his attention to more pleasurable things.

Shortly before noon, Severus looked up from a cauldron in his private laboratory and realized that he had not eaten that day. Since the solution required no vigilance- it would simmer over low flames for several hours- he decided to take a break, walk to the kitchen and rectify the oversight.

Turning the pear that served as a handle to the hidden kitchen door, the professor stepped into the busy chamber and was immediately assailed by wave after wave of overwhelming odors. The house elves were bustling around conjuring the standard lunch fare. Special orders would be dealt with later, when the students expressed their wishes. In one of the huge fireplaces, rows of rotisserie chickens turned over and over, the fat running off the meat and dripping down to vanish once it hit the magicked self-cleaning floor of the fireplace. Never one to make puns, Severus made an exception when he grimly decided that the smell was fowl. Taking a step back, he almost tripped over an elf carrying a platter of roast beef. The aroma triggered a reflex that was usually bypassed by a Nauseous No More potion after an over-indulgence in whisky.

Staggering out of the odorous kitchen, Snape leaned against a cold stone wall and concentrated on steadying his breath and his stomach. When he felt the distressing urge subside, the man headed to the Infirmary.

Sitting on the edge of a cot, he refused to remove any clothing. When the mediwitch tried to ask a question, he held up a hand and insisted that privacy curtains be drawn. While she did so, the Potions Master impatiently waited for Poppy to finish. Only then did he succinctly recount the symptoms that plagued him. She stared. He frowned. Why did she not give him her opinion on the nature of his malady? Clearing her throat, the older woman asked after doing some 'diagnostic test' by waving her wand in his direction,

"Do you have a history of migraine headaches?"

No. His headaches had all left school. The students he taught now were so bright, capable, and respectful, teaching was almost rewarding. She frowned thoughtfully at hearing the negative answer,

"Are you susceptible to motion sickness? Do you feel ill while flying, for example?"

He was not overly fond of heights, due to extreme respect for the laws of gravity, but otherwise he had never had an adverse reaction to flying. Severus told the woman so. The skilled mediwitch threw up her hands,

"Well, there's nothing physically wrong with you. In fact, you're in excellent health and appear to be getting sufficient exercise…"

The brisk tone trailed off at the last word. The unflappable Madam Pomfrey blushed. He raised a sardonic brow. She turned beet red and muttered,

"Excuse me for a moment. I need to look something up in a mediwitch journal."

Smirking over Poppy's being embarrassed about the type of 'exercise' he got regularly, and after that 'twice a day' confession who could blame the woman, Snape tried to relax while he waited for her to return. It was no use. There was a vile odor emanating from the floor. What in Merlin's name had the elves used to clean it?

Breathing through his mouth helped, but not much. The same went for calculating the chances that his new batch of Wolfsbane would be effective. The wizard crossed his arms and wondered if he'd picked up some esoteric virus from one of the children hanging on their mothers' legs at the Obstetric Healer's office a couple of weeks ago. If he'd gone along with Lorelei's request to use the Midwitch in Hogsmeade, his stomach wouldn't be churning violently right now.

A student was ushered into the infirmary by Professor Sprout. Severus could hear the woman saying earthily,

"A little vomit never hurt a mandrake Mr. Creevey. You should see some of the wild parties they throw when they start maturing. Some mornings I don't go into the greenhouse without having the elves fumigate first!"

A wavering voice apologized,

"I'm that sorry, Professor. I think I accidentally ate something I'm allergic to."

Gagging sounds made the man grimacing behind the curtain use reserves of willpower to keep from following suit. A naturally acute sense of smell combined with whatever strain of virus he had was having a deleterious effect on his stomach. From meters away, he was affected when the boy yelped, 'I'm sorry!' and heaved the remaining contents of his stomach. The noxious odor of bile wafted through the curtain. Unable to prevent himself from gagging, Snape finally lost the battle with his body.

As soon as shudders quit wracking his frame, the Potions Master waved his wand to scourgify the mess and used a quick cleansing spell to rid his mouth of the sour, bitter taste that threatened to set off another round of sickness. The curtain opened. Pomona looked a bit disappointed not to see him brought low. She sniffed, and nodded her graying, flyaway locks decisively,

"Stomach bug, eh? I know just the thing. I'll bring it by your quarters after my last class."

He opened his mouth to demur, but the woman stated firmly,

"Don't thank me, it's the least I can do for a colleague. Until later…"

The witch straightened the patchwork hat her nod had tilted and backed away. He shrugged. If the Herbology professor brought him some dubious root from the rain forest, he could always accept and then throw it into the fireplace.

Poppy returned. His stomach roiled,

"Stars and stones, woman, did you _bathe_ in gardenias today? Are you trying to ensure that an admirer in _Hogsmeade _smells it?"

He broke off, barely controlling the reflex that would bring forth another humiliating episode. Immediately, the woman brought out an opened bottle of perfume from behind her back and replaced the stopper. Relief was instantaneous. Severus asked quietly,

"Do I have some virus that affects my olfactory organs, heightens them untenably?"

Shaking her head, the mediwitch advised gently,

"Better sit down, Professor Snape."

Reluctantly, he did so. Hesitantly, the nurse began,

"Before I explain my findings, I need to ask, has Lorelei had any…morning sickness?" Seeing his blank look, she continued, "Do you understand what I'm referring to? Some newly expectant fathers don't, so it's no shame to admit…"

"I have perused her text on pregnancy. Morning sickness is a misnomer. Bouts of nausea usually strike the expectant mother at six weeks and can occur at any time of day. Not even wizard Healers know the cause, but theorize that a surge in hormones or a vitamin imbalance may be factors along with a susceptibility to…" Pausing in sheer disbelief, the man finished expressionlessly, "…motion sickness or migraine headaches."

Using a tone of voice that sounded deliberately calm and soothing, like something she'd use to inform hysteria prone students that they had some 'kissing disease', Poppy informed,

"My research led to an article by a Healer who documented that unlike the rare Muggle expectant father who experiences 'sympathetic' morning sickness along with his partner, the Wizard father-to-be who suffers from such occurrences does so by use of unfocused magic."

"Unfocused magic"

The normally reserved woman placed her hand on his arm in a comforting gesture. It was a measure of his shock that he did not pull away. She sniffed once, then took a deep breath and smiled,

"The Healer concluded that when a sufficiently talented wizard cares deeply enough, the subconscious use of unfocused magic enables him to experience the nausea _instead_ of his partner."

After advising him to follow the remedies proposed in the pregnancy manual, the mediwitch dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief and bid him good day with a watery smile. He ordered curtly,

"You will tell no one of this."

Half-turning, the woman tsked,

"I am bound by patient confidentiality, Professor Snape."

That did not reassure him. Mind boggling at the idea that he could actually, even subconsciously, want to suffer this malady in his wife's place, Severus returned to his lab. Hours later, a knock sounded. Absently, he called out,

"Enter"

Sprout's round form came into the dungeon chamber. She held up an object,

"Figured you'd be here when the guardian painting told me no one was home in your quarters. This is ginger, fresh from the greenhouse. Grate some into hot water, for ginger tea." Observing the greenish cast to his face, the woman smiled, "I'll do it now, shall I?"

Reluctantly taking the mug filled with the steaming liquid, the Potions Master grudgingly appreciated the fact that the aroma did not turn his stomach. Drinking the tea under her watchful gaze, nausea subsided. His features relaxed. The corners of his mouth turned up,

"Thank you, Pomona."

"Anytime, Severus"

During dinner, Albus leaned across Minerva to hand him a small bag. Blue eyes twinkled,

"Lemon drops. The sour candy eases upset stomachs, I assure you, although I don't know why." Smiling benignly in that happiness and light version of a smirk the old wizard did so well, he winked, "Works like magic"

Stiffly nodding his head in gratitude, Snape picked up the bag. Down the table, Flitwick exclaimed with delight over 'tuna casserole'. The odor of the dish caused agile fingers to untie the pouch and reach for a drop. The scent of lemon nullified less pleasant odors. Stygian dark eyes closed briefly in blessed relief.

Returning to his private chambers with Lorelei following dinner, the couple had just reached the dungeon stairway when they heard,

"Professor Snape!"

Striding in way that showed the younger man was in enviably robust health, Professor Malfoy smiled charmingly at his wife before saying,

"My mother keeps sending me boxes of sweets like I'm a first year, and, well, I've never cared for ginger candies, even though they're supposed to be good for digestion, so…here…"

Grey eyes looked just as uncomfortable as he felt.

"How considerate of you…Thank you Draco…!"

His wife took the small box of candies after kissing the wizard's cheek. Unwilling to be the first Snape to forget his manners, Severus held out his hand,

"My Thanks"

Grinning boyishly in a way that made a passing redheaded Gryffindor sigh, the blond shook his hand and drawled,

"My pleasure, Sir"

Watching Malfoy hurry off after Weasley, Snape remarked dryly,

"I suppose he _could_ want to advise the girl on something."

"Like which statue to snog behind?"

Smirking, he led her away from the stairs and down the main corridor,

"Which statue do you advise _we_ snog behind?"

Dazzlingly, she smiled,

"Simon the Salacious- he reminds me of someone even more sensational."

Viewing the statuary's lean, commanding features, clever lips curved while following his wife into the secluded alcove behind it.

The next morning, even pleasant memories of the results of snogging couldn't prevent Snape from rushing to the loo. Wracked with involuntary spasms, he was dimly aware of his wife's hands keeping long strands from contamination. When he recovered enough, Severus moved away to cleanse his mouth and step into the shower in order to feel totally clean. The comforting sensation of having slender arms encircle him in a hug while a warm, soft body pressed to his back made the humiliating ordeal bearable. Turning, he looked down into loving eyes and brushed back wet spirals,

"How long have you known?"

"Not until yesterday. Malfoy's candies confirmed what I'd thought was my wild imagination."

"I thought I had an esoteric virus picked up from exposure to a germ laden child."

Hugging him again, Lorelei declared in a choked voice,

"That you would do that for me…I _promise_…"

His brow rose,

"What?"

"That I'll be there to hold your hair back…and love you through it."

Severus wondered if women hearing that from their husbands felt as he did. Returning his wife's kiss, he hoped so.

* * *

A/N: How many of you knew from the get-go that Severus would have the morning sickness? Wasn't it more fun that way? Review and let me know! 


	4. Fatherly Fears

Disclaimer: I've got no rights to Snape, but that won't stop me from writing.

* * *

Don't Call Me Daddy

Chapter 4- Fatherly Fears

Valentine's Day was one nuisance after another. Severus scanned the Great Hall for signs that students were displaying detention-worthy public affection. He saw none. Disgruntled, the Potions Master crossed his arms and pursed his lips.

"What's the sour face for, mate…no amorous students to bring the wrath of Snape down upon?"

Continuing his vigilant inspection of the dancers' conduct, Severus' lips quirked,

"The night is young…and why aren't you dancing with your pink-haired partner?"

A bark of laughter received a fleeting smile. Lupin had a sense of humor, he'd give him that. Shaking back long grey-streaked brown hair, the werewolf grinned,

"Tonks swept Lorelei off to 'powder their noses'."

The men shared a look of commiseration. Females never seemed to use the loo for necessary reasons alone. They had to bring a friend or more along to chat and there was no telling what would come of it. The saturnine man hoped his wife didn't share the morning sickness episodes with her friend. Remus would use the knowledge against him during their next darts match.

Time passed. Bored, Severus decided to patrol the corridors. He would _encourage_ any couples using niches behind statuary in an inappropriate manner to return to the Hall- after he detracted House points and gave them detention. The professor's brows winged upwards at the sight of Hufflepuffs scurrying away from the statue of Gregory the Smarmy. He hadn't thought such paragons capable of clandestine snogging.

Striding toward Bertha the Behemoth's appropriately large statuary, his acute ears heard the muffled sounds that indicated a 'kiss and cuddle' was in progress. Stealthily, he stepped forward. A husky male voice caused him to stop in order to assuage idle curiosity.

"I still can't believe that you left the dance to meet me. I…I've loved you since the first moment I saw you…you're so beautiful…and amazing…and I've dreamt about holding you like this for _years_…"

Unable to stomach the sound of passionate kissing, Snape moved forward, but halted in disbelief when a feminine voice gasped,

"Merlin help me, I love you too…but I'm older than you are…"

The listener's mind reeled with such shock that his body actually swayed. This couldn't be happening. The response heard next assured him that it was,

"I don't care. Nothing matters except us and the way we feel about each other."

A seductive, siren laugh made Severus' insides twist,

"I love the way you feel, _Mr. Potter_."

Outraged, Snape swiftly moved to confront the pair. They didn't notice the black robed figure at first, engrossed in snogging as the couple was. When the black, unruly head of the male moved to trail kisses down the pearly skin of his partner's neck, her midnight eyes opened and widened in horror. A slender hand rose to shakily push long black spirals out of a guilt-stricken face. Her lover caught sight of the wrathful man and held his lover protectively against his chest. Emerald green eyes glared defiantly. Delicate features crumpled while the girl said despairingly,

"_Father, I love him!"_

* * *

Surging upwards to a sitting position, Severus raked his fingers through black strands, breathing heavily in reaction to the nightmare. It was the second one this week. The other had been even worse- he'd dreamt that his seventeen year old daughter was behind the statue with her Defense Against The Dark Arts professor _Harry James Potter_! 

"Bad dream, baby?"

His wife's slender arms encircled him while her still-slender body pressed to his back. Loving hands caressed his chest to help him relax. He nodded,

"Yes"

"Not the Harry dream again?"

He laughed shortly,

"Not quite, it was his son_ Sirius Harry Potter_ this time."

"Oh dear"

Against the musculature of his back, he could feel her silent laughter. Unwillingly, he admitted that the disturbing visions were darkly amusing. The thought that any daughter of his would have anything to do with anyone with the name Potter was laughable. He would explain, in a firm, logical manner, what reckless, bold, arrogant rule-breakers had sprung from that line and his child would want nothing to do with them.

"Your heart rate has slowed…feeling better now?"

Shifting to press Lorelei back against the pillows, his lips curved,

"I will be"

The following evening, the Potions Master noticed that Minerva had switched to a perfume that was unobtrusively floral. He appreciated the change, although his bizarre 'sickness' had finally passed. Monitoring the behavior of the students, a side-long glance confirmed that Professor Malfoy was keeping a close eye on his favorite Gryffindor. The smug smile on the man's face made Snape remember when Draco first came to Hogwarts. How proud the boy had been swaggering up to sit on the stool. The Sorting Hat barely touched platinum strands before announcing, '_Slytherin!'_

Piercing dark eyes became focused on a slowly forming internal vision…

_A line of first years entered the Great Hall. Beside him, Lorelei clutched his hand tightly underneath the table. She whispered, _

"_Look at our son!"_

_The boy sauntered ahead of the rest, not gaping at the enchanted ceiling or in awe of the enormous chamber's grandeur. Raised at Hogwarts, the eleven year old was exceptionally mature, as his father had been. _

_Hearing the girl behind him gasp when a shooting star fell overhead, the youth smirked in amusement. A chorus of feminine sighs made the elder Snape smirk as well. Although he had his father's height, build, straight black hair, and mannerisms, the boy was as un-fairly and un-naturally attractive as the rest of his mother's family of selkies and sirens._

_The Sorting Hat sang its inane song about the Houses and diversity of interests not precluding unity of purpose. Tuning the garble out, Severus' lips turned up at the corners to see his wife's glow of maternal pride and his son's confident demeanor. Just last night, after reading together from the seventh-years accelerated potions text, the boy had said, _

"_When I get sorted into Slytherin House and move into the dorm, remind mum that I'll still come by for tea, will you father?" Grinning in the bewitching way that would no doubt cause parental headaches in the future, the boy had admitted, "The way she keeps getting misty-eyed and squeezing the stuffing out of me makes me feel bad to look forward to becoming part of the best House at Hogwarts."_

_Gently patting his son on the shoulder, he'd reassured,_

"_Don't worry; I'll make consoling your mother my first priority."_

_Knowingly, the future Slytherin had snickered, _

"_With kissing, right…how come girls like kissing so much? They're always asking me to kiss them. It's very annoying. I might hex the next one who tries to slobber on me."_

"_You won't always feel that way."_

_Looking highly doubtful, his son had hugged him goodnight and settled down in bed, smiling when his mother came in to kiss his cheeks and stroke his hair. In the corridor outside their child's room, Severus had seen Lorelei's lips trembling and taken action. _

"_Are you consoling mum already?"_

_The impertinent shout had received a quelling,_

"_Yes, go to sleep" _

_McGonagall's brisk instructions jolted Snape out of his recollections. Strolling up to the stool, his son flashed a bright smile at his parents before sitting down. A strange feeling swept over the man who watched the Sorting Hat move and speak to the lad. Why was this taking so bloody long? The boy shook his head vigorously. The Hat gave a rumble of laughter that was heard by every expectant person in the Hall. _

"_Gryffindor!"_

"Good heavens, Severus, what on earth has put such a fearsome scowl on your face? I really must ask you to cease arranging your features in that manner at once. Sensitive children are starting to cry."

Standing abruptly, he nodded curtly to Minerva and stormed from the Hall. Black robes billowed with the quickness of his strides. Knowing that it was illogical to be enraged by a daydream and yet unable to stop the emotions coursing through him, the man headed for the Astronomy Tower after a short stop at his office. Rapidly ascending the stairs worked off some of the negative energy. Several pulls from the bottle of firewhiskey he'd brought along dissipated the rest.

"I thought you might come here. What happened in the Hall?"

Meeting Lorelei's gaze, he gave a condensed version of the vision. She smiled,

"How sweet you were to say that consoling me would be your first priority."

He stared. Their son had been wrongly sorted into bloody Gryffindor House, an outrage that would no doubt cause Snape ancestors to literally roll in their graves and _that_ was all she remarked on? The ridiculousness of the situation hit, and he began to chuckle. His smile became speculative when his wife said earnestly,

"Right now, my first priority is consoling _you._"

"Really…how are you planning to do that?"

Straddling his lap and lifting her mouth, she promised,

"I'll think of something."

What the siren thought of needed a Levitation spell to accomplish, but it did cheer him immeasurably.

Severus' mood remained calm and content for days. At the end of the week, Lorelei glided into his laboratory and waved a message,

"Piper just OWLed- he and the band will be playing in Hogsmeade tonight. Another group was scheduled to play at the Fall Festival they're putting on in the village but backed out at the last minute. Gaelic Uprising got the gig." Her lovely face became radiant, "His wife Shea's coming along and bringing the baby!"

His wife had become consumed by what Tonks called 'baby fever'. Every small child was cooed over and smiled at like they were the greatest thing in creation. A lesser man might be jealous of the fixation, but he realized that it was merely a phase in maternal development. Her goblin friend's sixth month old daughter would no doubt be carried about and gushed over immoderately. Snape smiled indulgently. It would be excellent practice for their own baby, who really would be the most intelligent, superior child in creation.

Later that evening, he watched Lorelei sway with the tiny goblin child. Intense features softened. Next autumn, it would be their child cradled in her arms. The band began to play a lively folk tune. The singer rushed over,

"Lorelei, I'm feeling sick to my stomach. Can you sing a song for me while I go…find a loo?"

"Sure, Mairi"

Intimidating brows contracted,

"How will you be able to sing while holding a baby?"

Instinctively accepting the bundle thrust into his arms, Severus' jaw dropped when his wife said blithely,

"I won't. You'll hold Elora Danan for me. She's an angel, won't give you a bit of bother. I'll be back as soon as possible."

Kissing his cheek, she smiled…cheekily…and swanned off toward the band. He was left awkwardly holding the baby, who stared up at him with solemn little black-button eyes. The man tried to smile. The infant girl began to cry. Snape began to…become concerned. A rocking motion was hastily tried and abandoned. Tiny lips trembled piteously between wails. He felt like a bigger monster than Voldemort. Heartily glad that Lorelei couldn't hear the babe screaming over the Gaelic music; the dark eyes darted around, looking for inspiration. A father across the green was walking back and forth with a young child held against his shoulder. The boy wasn't shrieking. He'd try it.

Maneuvering the baby up in a manner befitting a combustible potions ingredient, Severus walked slowly and carefully. Elora seemed to enjoy the new position. Bright little eyes looked interestedly at the people milling around. The moment the man began to congratulate himself on his problem solving skills; however, his gaze met that of the baby. Miniscule eyebrows appeared to rise in alarm. Tiny lips turned downward. She cried. He sighed heavily,

"Elora Danan, I am not accustomed to children who cannot express themselves verbally. If I knew what would prevent these outbursts of yours, I would do it."

Severus was unnerved to realize that the babe was listening. When he stopped talking, Elora's lips immediately trembled. Hastily, he offered,

"You appear to enjoy the sound of my voice. What a strange child you are. Most of the students I have taught through the years gave every indication that a fingernail sliding on chalkboard was preferable."

Incredibly, the rosebud mouth curved. Relaxing slightly, he asked conversationally,

"Would you care to hear the opening speech I used to give all my first year students? It was my favorite. I still get to say it, but only to my wife, who calls it verbal…ahem…" Breaking off, because innocent ears should not hear words like 'foreplay', the Potions Master unconsciously slipped into a darkly mesmerizing tone, "_You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potion-making…"_

Two sets of dark eyes locked together. The child barely blinked through the words the man knew by heart. With relish, Snape told Elora his favorite part, "_I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death- if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach."_

A tiny gurgle sounded,

"She likes you!"

Straightening abruptly, Severus handed the infant over to her mother, demurring,

"She's too young to know who she likes."

Smiling in a way that showed rows of sharp white goblin teeth, Shea countered, while the babe began to fret,

"Say her name."

"Elora Danan"

The fretful noise stopped. A coo sounded. Masculine brows rose,

"She is obviously an exceptional child."

Coming up beside his wife, Piper agreed,

"Yes, we call her our little princess."

Lorelei slipped her arm through her husband's,

"Come dance with me Severus."

He allowed himself to be led to join the couples circling around the bonfire. His wife twined her arms around his neck and praised,

"I watched you with Elora. You'll be a wonderful father."

Snape modestly explained,

"The babe liked my voice, so I recited my first years' speech."

Full red lips pouted,

"I'm jealous!"

A slow, promising smile transformed lean features as he leaned down to whisper darkly, "_You are here to learn…"_

* * *

A/N: Snape's learning a few things, eh? Did you enjoy his fears of the future? Yes, brilliant, perceptive readers, I did indeed use Elora Danan from the film 'Willow' for Piper and Shea's baby. I love that film. Yeah, I know, I love lots of films, but Val Kilmer's great, and the baby- amazingly cute. Warwick Davis, who plays Flitwick in the Potter films, is the little hero Willow. If you've never seen it on cable, get it from the library or go rent it- it's so old it'll be cheap! LOL Before you say adieu, Review:D 


	5. Mood Swings

Disclaimer: Mood swings aren't limited to pregnant women, but they've got a great excuse for them! Oh yeah, I'm not Rowling, or 'expecting' either. ;-)

* * *

Don't Call Me Daddy

Chapter 5- Mood Swings

Lying across tangled sheets in a state of pleasant exhaustion, Severus lifted heavy eyelids to peer at the woman smoothing long black strands away from his face. His wife smiled and kissed him lingeringly before looking out of the enchanted window and exclaiming,

"What a beautiful day! I think I'll go get a short ru…_jog_…in before the staff meeting."

Bouncing off the bed in a disturbingly energetic, although extremely attractive manner, Lorelei drew on a track suit and sat beside him on the mattress to tie her trainers.

"Have you been taking a new prenatal vitamin potion?"

Perhaps his tone was rather petulant- usually he was the one leaving the bed while she remained- but surely not enough to merit giggling in response.

"No, love, I just need to work a little energy off."

"The last hour was insufficient exercise?"

Full red lips twitched with the effort to suppress mirth. Eyes like black velvet visually caressed his prone form,

"Is that an invitation?"

A rueful smile curved his lips,

"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weary."

Leaning down to kiss him goodbye, Lorelei smiled,

"I promise to jog, not run, and I'll do my best to be on time for the Staff Meeting."

Nodding in gracious assent, Snape watched his wife leave the bedroom with eyes that slowly drifted shut.

A refreshing nap later, the Potions Master was ready to begin the day. In the back of the Staff Lounge, he sat on a sofa and perused a text. Usually, his utter absorption was enough to deter any irritatingly cheerful 'morning persons' on the lookout for a chat, but not today. Dropping onto the other end of the sofa, the newly voted 'Sexiest Professor Alive' in a female student poll glanced over and drawled,

"_From Here to Paternity…a Wizard's Guide to Gestation…_sounds riveting, can't wait to read it."

Raising a sardonic eyebrow, Severus asked dryly,

"Are you making an announcement or was that an attempt at wit?"

Amused at the flush that immediately arose, Snape repressed a smile when the younger man sputtered,

"Merlin, no, her psychotic…I mean over-protective…brothers would _kill_ me!"

He couldn't prevent the corners of his mouth from turning up. The blond grinned,

"So happy to amuse, but I'm curious. What are you reading that's so absorbing?"

Severus handed over the book and pointed to the paragraph. While Draco read silently, the father-to-be recalled the information word for word.

_Significant changes in estrogen and progesterone hormone levels can affect your partner's neurotransmitters, the brain chemicals regulating mood. Changes begin to be experienced at around 6-10 weeks. The length and severity of emotional upheaval varies and is a natural part of the pregnancy experience. _

Handing the text back with a smirk, a white blond eyebrow rose inquiringly,

"Lorelei's what…twelve weeks? What kind of mood swings does she have?"

Before Snape could do more than frown repressively, the door to the Staff Lounge opened and his wife entered. His eyes met hers. She beamed and started toward him. Lean features softened. There was something primitively satisfying in knowing that he was responsible for the glow on her face and the child growing within that beautiful body. Lorelei's gaze became sultry. When the woman licked her lips, Malfoy growled,

"On second thought, don't tell me. Blokes living out the adage 'Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder' shouldn't have to hear about others' increase in affection. As it is, I'll probably give every class a pop quiz."

Standing abruptly, the younger wizard greeted the Potions Professor cordially before stalking off to sit in an opposite corner and stare brooding out the window. Sitting close beside him, the siren noted,

"Professor Malfoy seems rather out of sorts."

"Hmmm"

Albus cleared his throat and began the staff meeting. The upcoming Hogsmeade  
Weekend was discussed after which various concerns were raised and addressed.

As usual, Lorelei insisted on holding his hand and paid more attention to him than the subjects under discussion. It became extremely difficult to keep his focus on the Headmaster.

"Severus"

Reflexively, his fingers tightened around slender ones, hearing the breathy note in his wife's voice.

"Yes"

"Will you join me for lunch in our quarters today?"

The book _had_ advised to spend time with one's partner, to find ways to take care of them emotionally, and not let frustration build to an unmanageable level… After…lunch…he could always take another nap… Lifting her hand to his lips, Snape used the dark, silky tone his wife loved so much to respond,

"As you wish"

Striding into the Great Hall later that evening, the Potions Master halted just inside the staff entrance to observe an interesting sight. McGonagall and his wife were standing, conversing, several meters away. Minerva placed her hand briefly on Lorelei's arm. After a final few words, the older witch nodded and made her way to the staff table while the other woman pushed a stray spiral behind her ear and did the same. Once he was ensconced in his usual place, Severus slanted a covert glance down the table. He immediately became perturbed. Soft red lips were trembling. Midnight eyes gazing his way glistened with tears. One rolled down a creamy cheek even as she tried to smile. He attempted to curve his lips reassuringly. Lorelei's face crumpled. Standing abruptly, she said something to Tonks and rushed out, hands covering her face, shoulders shaking with repressed sobs.

Pinning Minerva with a malevolent glare, Severus gritted dangerously,

"What did you say to my wife?"

Taken aback, green eyes widened as the woman defended,

"I said nothing to evoke such a reaction. I merely…" Looking away for a moment, she exhaled sharply and then said awkwardly, "I asked her to call me…Minerva."

They shared a baffled glance before he rose and inclined his head stiffly,

"My apologies"

Tightly pursed lips relaxed,

"None are necessary"

Sweeping out of the Hall, ignoring the whispers of happily gossiping students, he found his wife waiting in the staff corridor. She rushed into his arms. Severus held her tight. Sniffing, she pulled back. He watched in amazement as she changed from tearful to laughing,

"She told me to call her Minerva…isn't that wonderful, Severus? I've been intimidated by that woman for years and now…it's like a miracle!"

His hand caressed her cheek, and then lowered to splay over her abdomen,

"This is the true miracle."

Sparkling black eyes became misty before glittering with laughter again. The mercurial swings in mood were quite unsettling. Taking both his hands in hers, Lorelei said smilingly,

"_Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles_… That reminds me of a song from a Muggle musical. Shall I sing a bit? I'll take that scowl as a 'yes, please'."

His lips quirked as she sang declaring that of all miracles the greatest one was God giving him to her. Touched, he tried to avert another round of tears by saying,

"I am thankful also for whatever benevolence has brought us together, but I am also famished."

Tugging his hands, she giggled,

"Can't have our baby's father starving…let's go to the kitchen…"

Agreeably, he allowed himself to be led along to the chamber that had not changed since the Middle Ages. House elves bustled about, conjuring and magically transporting requested dishes to the Hall. One elf looked up from his chair by a small fireplace and shouted delightedly,

"Lorelei is come to Dobby's kitchen!"

Snape noticed the sour glances the elf dressed in a green sweater with the letter 'H' emblazoned upon it received and smirked. If the non-conformist elf offended his fellows and had his sock collection strewn from the battlements again, it would not be a surprise. The wretch did not know the meaning of the word 'tact'.

"Is you having another craving? Peanut butter and pickles is you wishing or something else? Ice cream and crisps again? Dobby is happy to be conjuring!"

"Heh heh…what a joker you are Dobby…no, no craving other than for dinner. Severus and I will go sit out of the way…at our usual table."

Ha. He _hadn't_ imagined that extremely odd combination of scents upon her person a few weeks ago. Lorelei had snuck out of their quarters for a snack in the dead of night and returned chewing a brushing/flossing mint. Enjoying the sight of pink tinting her cheekbones, Severus murmured after seating her at the small work table,

"Shall I order you something with _pickles_ in it?"

After scrunching her eyes closed, the siren opened them and purred,

"Did you know that they're an aphrodisiac to pregnant women?"

His eyebrows arched. When his smug wife ordered a plebian hamburger with everything on it except onions, he waited for Dobby to turn to him and drawled,

"Give her extra pickles…"

The next afternoon, the Potions Master was enjoying the peaceful solitude of his private laboratory when the door to the dungeon chamber was thrust opened with such force it banged against the wall.

"What a day I've had! I swear, every class today was deliberately trying to ruin my perfect record." Storming into the room, his wife unbuttoned her teaching robes with jerky, angry motions, exclaiming,

"Dennis Creevey would rival Neville Longbottom if I didn't watch him like a hawk! Enchanted cauldrons only turn red if a potion's about to turn disastrous…it doesn't _Evanesco_ for me. Luckily, I had just gotten rid of another smoking failure nearby when Mr. Creevey decided to try and _fix_ his Inflamarae solution." Throwing her robes onto an empty workbench, the agitated woman began to pace back and forth in front of his desk, voice rising in ire, "He threw _water _on it Severus, _water_! The potion had flames shooting up three meters! If I hadn't been so close, the cauldron would've melted, the classroom would've been engulfed in fire, and my no-accident record gone up in ironic bloody smoke!"

The Slytherin green wrap dress rose and fell strikingly with each angry breath. Leaning across his desk in a way that was deeply appreciated, Lorelei exclaimed,

"Today, I suffered as big a bunch of dunderheads as you ever had to teach!"

A snort of amusement escaped. Fine eyes narrowed,

"Do you think that's funny?"

Straightening, his wife stalked around the desk to bend and poke his chest with an indignant finger,

"I have one of the worst days of my life and you laugh at me? I ought to…"

He pulled his wife onto his lap, silencing the entertaining diatribe with a deep kiss. After a few minutes, the body pressing closer had changed from stiff and angry to soft and enticing. Long, slow, satisfying kisses later; she smiled against his mouth and sighed,

"Even on the worst day, being in your arms makes everything better."

Severus untied the bow holding the dress together with one hand and cupped the nape of her neck with the other. Slipping one set of fingers inside the gaping fabric while using the other to hold her mouth in place, he reminded, before using actions to speak louder than words,

"Slytherin are not satisfied with 'better'…we must make everything the _best_."

A few days later, his laboratory sanctuary was invaded by a metamorphmagus that entered after a hesitant knock. Lingering in the doorway until curtly told to come in and stop acting like a first year, the woman bit her thumbnail while she slowly moved forward. Impatiently, he snapped,

"If you have something you wish to convey, say it and allow me to return to my work."

Tonks ran her hand over purple spiky hair in a nervous gesture before standing on the other side of his workbench and admitting,

"I…uh…I think I may have upset Lorelei…accidentally…"

Shrewd dark eyes evaluated the woman's expression. It was guilty and miserable. Resisting the urge to cuttingly demand what unthinking foolishness had gone into her brain and out of her mouth, Snape waited a moment before prodding levelly,

"Explain"

Eyes the color of violets shifted away,

"Well…you know how mates are…or not…anyway, I overheard some boys in my…er…class talking, and I shared it with her, like she tells me things, but…" Meeting his gaze, she shrugged unhappily, "she didn't laugh like I thought she would. Instead, Lorelei got all sad-looking and said she had to go get something from the restricted section of the library."

"What did the boys say?"

Surely his tone did not merit gulping and taking a step backward before the changeable woman related,

"Uhm…one boy insisted that Lorelei would've gotten 'Sexiest Professor Alive' if the guys had been as dumb as the girls to make a poll and…"

"What boy?"

"Oh…I can't remember…" She hurriedly continued, "Anyway, a couple of the other boys jokingly wondered if he'd think Mrs. Snape was so sexy when she got big as a house with little…"

Tonks flushed beet-red. Severus gave a swift, searing look that encouraged the professor to finish with a cringing,

"Snorelei"

The Potions Master's voice was icy,

"You thought that would _amuse_?"

"Uh huh, she's got a great sense of humor…usually…I'm sorry, I just thought maybe you could go talk to her, make sure Lorelei's not too…upset or anything…Bye…"

He didn't yell 'Get Out! Get Out!', but the metamorphmagus acted like he had, rushing out the door like the hounds of hades were after her. Quickly placing a stasis charm on his experiment, Severus left the dungeons for the library.

Inside the hushed chamber, his prowling walk had students rushing to scurry out of his way. Disregarding rude stares, he swept down the aisles to reach the Restricted Section. Stifled crying made his gut clench while he stepped toward the window seat. His wife was sitting with her head bent down against the knees drawn up to her chest. Taking a seat beside the distraught woman, he debated on which tactic to use. Clearing his throat, the wizard said softly,

"What upset you so…hearing our child referred to as 'Snorelei', or the thought that boys might not find you as sexy when you are…quote…'big as a house'…"

Lupin had once told him that the softer his voice got, the more dangerous it sounded, but his wife had disagreed, vowing that it got 'sexier'. In normal circumstances, his tone would have her melting over him in an attempt to snog his lips off. Under the influence of fluctuating hormones, Lorelei began to take gulping breaths as she lifted her tear-streaked face to confess,

"It…it wasn't…_the boys_…it…it was thinking about you." Body shuddering with the attempt to control her emotions, she wailed, "What if _you_ don't think I'm sexy anymore when I'm b-big as a h-house!"

Stygian eyes stared in consternation. His wife was worried that she would lose her appeal when her body expanded with their child? He almost laughed, but contained the urge to a thin lipped smile. Moving closer on the seat, he bent down, shifted raven tresses away from a delicate ear and whispered silkily,

"Have I failed to show how the changes in your body make me feel?" Unfastening her robes and slipping a hand inside the top underneath, clever fingers glided over pliant softness as he dropped his voice in a manner that seemed to mesmerize, "Everything about you is beautiful. The fullness and sensitivity intrigue me and make me long to explore." She sighed when he promised, "After you grow large with our child, I will stand behind you in front of the mirror so you can see exactly how fascinating, voluptuous, and desirable I find you."

Tears dried as if by magic, Lorelei turned her head to seek his mouth. Time passed while they lost themselves in a passionate embrace. Trailing kisses along his jaw, she murmured,

"If I transform the enchanted window into a mirror, could you show me how…you feel…right now…?"

"Yes"

Jumping off the window seat in flattering haste, his wife fastened her robes haphazardly while pulling him out of library with the husky promise to show him how _she_ felt in return.

* * *

A/N: Thanks to **Berekka **for using the name 'snorelei' in a review and inspiring me! You guys knew Lorelei would be singing sooner or later, didn't you? LOL The song was from _Fiddler on the Roof. _My mood will swing on your review, so make me happy, dear readers! 


	6. What's This?

Disclaimer: Not my HP characters, just my story. Title taken from a song in an amazing film, _The Nightmare Before Christmas. _

* * *

Don't Call Me Daddy

Chapter 6- What's This?

The Great Hall reverberated with the sound of cutlery scraping against plates and students talking boisterously to one another. At the Staff Table, Professor Snape scanned the room desultorily, but no signs of misconduct were seen. Although his facial features remained impassive, the lean man breathed an inward sigh of relief. These days, the energy he had once expended in pursuing and punishing errant schoolchildren was channeled into another endeavor- taking care of his pregnant wife.

"Time seems to be flying, Severus. Why it's the end of November. I just had a postcard from Harry. He'll be home for the holidays."

Returning McGonagall's bright gaze with a sardonic one, he deadpanned,

"What a jolly Christmas this will be."

Minerva covered her mouth to hide a smile at his tone. On the other side of the Transfiguration Professor, Dumbledore commented,

"My, the elves have outdone themselves with your wife's dinner. That steak is one even Hagrid would find hard to finish."

Slanting a curious look down the table, stygian eyes narrowed at the sight of a fork lifting a piece of meat with an exceedingly pink center. Before the morsel could reach full lips, his wand was out and the enormous steak vanished. After her teeth bit down on the tines of a fork, Lorelei stared blankly at her empty plate before gazing his way with an uplifted brow. He returned her indignant stare with an implacable one. Huffily, his spouse conjured a parchment and quill, scratched out a short message, and then created a paper butterfly that magically fluttered down to land on the table in front of him. Picking the missive up, he unfolded the note to read,

**Why did you do that?**

Not having to conjure a quill, because he always kept one in a pocket, Severus quickly replied, transfigured the butterfly into a black bat, and sent it swooping down to the impatiently waiting woman. After untangling the paper from where it had flown into spiraled hair, his wife bit her lip while reading,

**Undercooked meat poses a risk of toxoplasmosis and other parasites. Medium well done is acceptable. Enjoy.**

Smiling ruefully, Lorelei sent an apologetic look his way before cutting into the new, smaller, and properly cooked steak that had appeared before her. An assessing glance at his colleagues showed that the by-play had not gone unnoticed. Flitwick, Tonks, Hagrid, and Malfoy were snickering, while at the other end of the table, Sprout observed in a voice that was no doubt useful in reaching the ears of pupils at the opposite end of a greenhouse,

"Hah! Never thought I'd see Snape treat a woman like a hothouse flower…I owe you a drink, Minerva."

Under his steely gaze, the older witch closed her eyes momentarily before explaining weakly,

"Pomona and I made a...friendly wager…on the likelihood of you being a…overly-vigilant…expectant father."

Albus, who had been taking a sip of coffee, started coughing spasmodically. The uncomfortable woman's attention eagerly turned away from the sight of the Potions Masters' scowl. Pounding on her partner's back, McGonagall said crisply,

"You have a right to choke. I believe you owe me _two_ drinks!"

Affronted by sensible precautions being denigrated as 'overly-vigilant'…as though he were some neurotic…Severus tossed down his napkin and strode from the hall. An hour's peace and quiet in his laboratory produced a calm that vanished the moment he stepped into his private quarters.

Boxes were strewn around the lounge, and a trail of tissue paper led into the bedroom, where his wife was examining a jumper she had just lifted from the bed covered with clothing. Noticing him in the doorway, she smiled,

"Marina sent me some 'Siren's Secrets Maternity Wear'. Aren't these lovely? Not frumpy or tent-like at all!"

Leaning against the doorframe and crossing his arms, Snape queried,

"What are you wearing?"

Looking down as though she had no clue, and judging from the amount of scattered garments she might not, Lorelei smiled and told him,

"This camisole can be worn day or night. Its fine cotton, and very comfy…the panties are cotton too, and are called underbelly, funny name, but so…"

"Let me guess…_comfy_."

Stepping forward, he found out for himself that the fabric was soft when he pushed up the ivory camisole to scrutinize the 'belly' that the matching panties left uncovered. At sixteen weeks, his wife was visibly pregnant. Thin lips curved with male satisfaction. Trailing agile fingers over smooth skin, he asked,

"Do you think the child can hear me?"

Caressing fingers slid through black strands when he impulsively knelt and splayed his hands to measure the changing fullness,

"Well, the books say babies can now distinguish loud noise and be startled, so I think so. In fact…"

He looked up when she trailed off. An arched eyebrow caused a blush to tint cheekbones pink while she whispered,

"I think our baby wants to hear you say a poem."

"Which one?"

The flush covered her chest and face now,

"_The Highwayman"_

Memories of an unforgettable evening in the Room of Requirement flashed into mind. Lorelei had made a lovely _Bess, the landlord's daughter, plaiting a dark red love-knot into her long black hair… _Pressing an open mouth kiss to her abdomen, his knowing gaze conveyed that he realized who really wanted to hear him recite. Using his darkest, silkiest voice, Severus said the words that made his wife's body move in a way that was anything but maternal,

_Look for me by moonlight_

_Watch for me by moonlight_

_I'll come to thee by moonlight_

_Though hell should bar the way…_

A week later, Lorelei cheerfully kissed him goodbye before she flitted off to a ladies poker night. It was the first one she'd been invited to join. The siren had giggled when telling him that Madam Hooch had patted her on the arm in the staff lounge earlier and promised to 'give her some pointers' to help her out. The corners of his mouth turned upwards when the deceptively innocent-looking woman looked back and smiled wickedly before making her way to the dungeon stairway. Every time they played strip poker, he ended up unclothed while _she_ marveled wide-eyed at her 'good luck' and enjoyed the view. If only he could discover exactly _how_ she was cheating…

Deciding that sitting home reading a text and thinking about his wife playing poker would only lead to frustration on several levels, Severus threw on a cloak and made his way out of the castle. Striding briskly down the path to Hogwarts, the man wondered if any villager with skill enough to provide him a challenge in darts would be at the Three Broomsticks that evening. Pushing open the door to the pub, his gaze was immediately drawn to the short, powerful figure currently decimating his opponent on the other side of the room. Dark, deep-set eyes gleamed when the master gardener noticed that his play was being observed. In a gruff voice with more than a trace of a burr in it, Gimli called,

"When I get done schooling this lad, professor, how about you giving me a proper match?"

Inclining his head in gracious acceptance, Snape traveled to the bar and leaned against it, waiting for the brassy-haired proprietor to finish serving another customer. On the barstool next to him, a diminutive figure slumped over an almost empty glass of ale. No bigger than Flitwick, the man wore clothing that looked and smelled like he'd slept in them many a night by a campfire. Interested despite his usual policy of non-involvement with strangers, Severus sat down and allowed the probable vagrant to make eye contact. Encouraged by the Potion Master's noncommittal expression, the tiny man observed,

"I don't see any women in here. They must all be at home with the children."

A faint curiosity was stirred by the wistfulness in the stranger's voice,

"Perhaps"

Leaning forward enough to strengthen the vagabond impression- personal hygiene was sorely lacking- the little man asked,

"Is your wife home with your children?"

Rosmerta plunking a glass down and pouring a finger of Ogden's Finest into it distracted Snape from delivering the curt response such interest in his personal life would usually garner. Taking a sip of firewhisky, he decided to be polite. Gimli had half a game to go, and he was bored,

"My wife and I are expecting our first child."

A look of grief crossed the face browned by exposure to wind and weather. Thick eyebrows drew together while the small hands pulled off a patched cap and twisted it between calloused fingers,

"I once expected a child."

Uneasy about continuing a dialogue with someone so emotional, the man in black started to edge away. A soft, feminine cough brought his gaze to the barkeep's. She gave the professor a pointed look that told him she wanted to hear the man's story- and he'd better ask the question if he wanted a decent drink in her establishment again. Frowning briefly to show that such tactics were contemptible, Severus deliberately kept his expression and tone neutral while he inquired,

"What happened?"

The floodgates opened,

"There was a young girl, a miller's daughter, who got herself into trouble. She wanted my help, and I was happy to take her child off her hands, to finally have a wee one of my own…" His chapped lips half smiled in remembrance, "I had a little house on a high hill, back then. I would've been a good father."

Diminutive face twisting in remembered anguish, the drifter spat bitterly,

"But on the day she'd promised to give the infant over for adoption, the girl up and changed her mind on account of some bloke coming along, promising to treat her like a Queen."

Resolving never to attempt to have a so-called casual conversation ever again, Snape muttered, after another prodding glare from Rosmerta,

"How…unfortunate..."

Sniffing audibly, the woman wiped her eyes on her apron and offered,

"Have another ale on the house."

Wiping his nose with the back of his hand, the little man bobbed his head,

"Thank you kindly, ma'am."

Placing a new glass beside the old, scarlet lips parted,

"I'm Rosmerta, pleased to make your acquaintance Mr…"

Shaking his head and gulping down half the ale in one long swallow, the sad little person demurred,

"Oh, nobody calls me mister- I'm just plain old Rumpelstiltskin."

A roar of triumph from across the room gave Severus the excuse he needed to slide off the barstool. Unwilling to offer his hand for contamination, the wizard nodded civilly and downed his whisky before joining Gimli and turning his full attention to the match at hand. The thought of losing his own child to the capricious whims of fate turned his aim dead-accurate. He won three matches in a row.

Two weeks later, strolling through the village on the way to the midwitch, Snape reflected that he was a fortunate man. His students were shuttled off to annoy their families for the holidays, and his wife was in glowing good health. Bundled up in layers of black, he marveled that Lorelei could feel 'toasty warm' in only a heather gray turtleneck and matching cashmere sweater. She used to cuddle up to him at night for warmth, but now he slept with his chest against her back and his hand upon her abdomen. The baby had been making his or her presence known internally and he wondered…

"Not for a few more weeks, Professor Snape. I know how impatient first time fathers are to feel the baby move, but you can listen to the heartbeat if you'd like."

The petite, experienced midwitch hastily offered a stethoscope after being sent a look that made her eyes widen in alarm while his wife sighed dreamily. Listening to the rapid heartbeat, his face softened. Taking a wide, shallow bowl down from a shelf, the gray haired woman smiled,

"Let's have a look at baby Snape, shall we?"

Together, he and Lorelei leaned forward to watch the liquid in the bowl become steamy as a spell was chanted to the four winds. When the vapors dissipated, an image formed upon the watery surface. It was their child. _His _child… Unprepared for the intensity of the possessive and protective feelings washing over him, the wizard could only stare transfixed. The babe was so small. Fine hair called _Lanugo_ covered the growing body, and he could see that a waxy substance termed _Vernix_ already protected the baby's skin. Onyx eyes widened. Had he just seen a smile followed by a scowl cross the tiny face? The midwitch chuckled when he asked the question,

"Yes, facial expressions can be seen now."

Clasping his hand and squeezing tightly, his wife breathed,

"Oh look, Severus, now he's sucking his thumb!"

Without looking away from the image that held all three riveted, he drawled,

"Or she's sucking _her_ thumb."

In a voice choked with those illogical 'happy tears' Lorelei said,

"Boy or girl, our baby's _beautiful_."

Around a tiny thumb, the little mouth curved in a smile.

* * *

A/N: Yes, I love to fracture fairy tales, dear readers. First Rapunzel, now Rumpelstiltskin! I enjoy making them less _Grimm, LOL_ Couldn't resist having Severus being forced to hear a hard luck story at the pub. Also couldn't resist putting Gimli from LOTR in as Hogsmeade's master gardener. If he throws darts like that axe…Snape didn't win by much! LOL _The Highwayman _was written by an Anonymous person, which probably means it was a woman! I ignore the ending and sigh over the romance. :D Review and make me smile like baby Snape!


	7. Holiday Happenings

Disclaimer: Not Rowling, or Dickens, although I love their characters and think of Snape whenever I watch the musical version of 'A Christmas Carol' and Albert Finney as _Scrooge_ sings 'I hate people'!

* * *

Don't Call Me Daddy

Chapter 7- Holiday Happenings

Although not as relentlessly festive as Muggle sections of London, Diagon Alley was still excessively decorated in Severus Snape's opinion. Were white fairy lights twinkling in draping strands from lamppost to lamppost _really _necessary? Did every shop entrance _have _to visually assault customers with a bedecked evergreen wreath? Strolling along the alleyway with his wife, the Potions Master curled his lip at a street vendor calling,

_Chestnuts, get your chestnuts roasted over an open fire!_

The sound of bells made Lorelei smile delightedly. She pulled him toward the small crowd gathered around a group clanging hand bells in some rendition of a carol. Lean muscled shoulders hunched inside his greatcoat. Wishing he had worn his hooded cloak to ensure no one could see him appear to encourage the travesty of music, Severus bent his head so that long black strands fell forward to obscure his features.

Glancing sideways, the wizard admired the glow on his wife's face. The green cashmere poncho she wore with a black turtleneck and low waist trousers concealed the changes pregnancy had wrought. It amused him to observe appreciative glances of men become startled when a winter wind caused the fabric to cling and her expectant condition became plain. Catching sight of yet another admirer staring, he let go of her fingers to raise his and trail a possessive hand down over the burgeoning curve of her abdomen. The gawker's eyes widened humorously and shifted away in embarrassment. Snape smirked. The performance ended. Refusing to give false praise, he refrained from clapping. Lorelei did enough for the both of them,

"I love bells- they're so merry, merry, merry, Christmas!" At his sardonic look, she grinned, "Come on, Ebenezer, don't you like _The Carol of the Bells, Silver Bells…"_

"All the damn bells…? No, and I'll thank you not to refer to me as Scrooge unless you wish a certain present to be returned to the jewelers in emulation of his parsimony."

"No, no, dear, darling husband, you're not a scrooge." Fluttering her lashes, the siren said breathily, "You're _Santa Baby…_"

A huff of amusement escaped. Her peal of laughter brought the attention of an auburn haired woman bundled up in scarves and a tweed coat,

"Happy Christmas Lorelei, Snape…out doing last minute shopping…?"

Molly Weasley was as observant as ever. He inclined his head affirmatively while his partner smiled,

"Yes, there's always something, isn't there? And you?"

"Oh, Ginny and I just came into the city for lunch and a bit of holiday…"

The woman's exuberant voice trailed away as something across the street caught her eye. Following her gaze, Severus noted that through the _Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe _window, a blond man could be seen sliding a ring onto a redheaded young woman's finger. She threw her arms around him, lifting her face for a kiss that became increasingly passionate. Stygian dark eyes rolled. A quick wave of his wand sent a few chestnuts from the nearby stand clattering against the window. The couple startled, parting. Lorelei quickly said,

"I'm really looking forward to the party tomorrow night. Silky tells me that you're a whiz at party planning and Grimmauld Place is the epitome of Christmas Cheer."

Distracted from her obviously mixed emotions about her daughter's romantic attachment to Malfoy, the motherly woman beamed,

"It will be a lovely party, if I do say so myself. Silky is the most enjoyable partner to work with. So nice after Kreacher…"

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Weasley, Professors Snape…"

Meeting coolly amused grey eyes, Severus drawled,

"Professor Malfoy…and Ms. Weasley…doing a little extra-curricular _studying_?"

Draco smirked while his girlfriend blushed and said shyly,

"Happy Christmas Professors… Mum, Draco wants to take us ice-skating…will you come?"

Flustered, Molly stammered,

"Well, I…I haven't been in years…but…if you'll prop me up, dear, then yes, I'll come."

Waving goodbye, the three set off for the Muggle rink a short walk away. Severus heard a sniff and looked down to see his wife smiling mistily. She sighed,

"Wasn't that lovely?"

He chose not to comment, failing to see the beauty in an accepted invitation to go skating. Nodding in an amicable manner, Snape diverted hormonally influenced attention to a shop down the sidewalk,

"Didn't you mention procuring a gift for the son of your cousin Ariel?"

Tucking a curl behind her ear, Lorelei smiled,

"Yes, that's the perfect shop to find Diddums a Christmas present."

If there had been an award for 'most garish', Number 93 Diagon Alley would have won hands down. Across the front window outlined in multicolored fairy lights was a painted Father Christmas saying, 'Ho Ho Ho…what a savings!' Beside him, two maniacally grinning redheaded elves assured passerby 'Weasley Wizard Wheezes has something for everyone on your list- naughty or nice!' Inside, an evergreen covered in tinsel and a number of hazardous looking ornaments dominated the center of the shop. Last minute shoppers thronged the aisles searching for the perfect joke present.

While Lorelei perused a shelf of exploding and imploding toys, Severus noticed that a toddler standing by her mother a couple of meters away was staring at him. He ignored her. After a minute, he glanced casually over and saw that the diminutive blonde with a blue bow and pigtails was still looking his way. Irritated, he tried to outstare her. Round blue eyes never blinked. Huffily deciding that the child must have a vision problem, Snape turned away and made non-committal noises when his wife asked whether he thought Diddums would enjoy a self-destructing pop star doll, or an exploding lorry. A tug on his coat brought his gaze down to where a small hand was still clutching black cloth. Expressionlessly, he asked the importuning child,

"What do you want?"

Rosebud lips curved sweetly as the girl in pink silently offered him a candy cane. Brows drawn in consternation, he debated telling the child to go bother someone else. The little mouth started to turn down. Severus quickly took the candy and muttered,

"Thank you"

A big smile displayed tiny white teeth. The child's mother called,

"Cindy Lou, come over here, its time to go!"

Lisping 'Mewy Chwistmas', the toddler ran back to her mother. Beside him, an 'aww' preceded,

"She's so adorable!"

"Who?"

Giving him a chiding look, Lorelei said,

"Cindy Lou, that's who." Watching the child leave with her mother, she smiled, "Since she wasn't more than two, I'll be generous and not jealous that you accepted candy from a stranger."

He replied dryly,

"Maybe she thought my disposition needed sweetening."

Giving him a sultry look, his wife insisted,

"Putting sugar on your tongue is my job."

His head was lowering to the mouth lifting toward his when voices behind them laughed,

"No need to ask how she got that bun in the oven, George."

"Or worry that it's the milkman's baby, Fred."

While his eyes narrowed at the tasteless levity, his wife hugged the Weasley twins and asked the identically bothersome proprietors,

"Which would annoy my cousin more? Imploding pop star doll or exploding lorry?"

"_Imploding pop star" _

After speaking in unison, one grinned,

"Letters from satisfied customers in the 8-13 market say their mum's love the doll's falsetto voice and the sappy love song he sings."

The other finished,

"When the doll implodes, some even cry."

Immediately choosing the doll over the lorry, Lorelei thanked the brothers who insisted on ringing her purchase up personally. Leaving the redheads behind, Severus remarked,

"Since they don't have more than two brain cells to rub together, I'll be generous and not jealous that those boys are always trying to sweet-talk my wife."

Hugging his arm and laughing, the siren suggested they go home and sweeten each other up. Out of concern for healthy blood sugar levels, he steered her toward the nearest floo.

The next evening, the wizard stood before the mirror of his dresser, fastening the collar of his tailored black tunic while watching his wife smooth a thigh high stocking up a shapely leg. Turning from his reflection, Snape frowned,

"Why does every maternity outfit seem to bring attention to your breasts? Are clothing manufacturers trying to raise the observer's eye from your increasing abdomen?"

Looking down at the silky red camisole she had paired with a black skirt, Lorelei said thoughtfully,

"The empire waistlines accommodate a woman's _increasing abdomen, _but even when I wasn't pregnant, I noticed a lot of gazes focusing on my chest." She winked at him, "Are you finding _your _attention becoming fixed? I think it's because they're growing along with my belly." She laughed at his accusatory stare, "I'm not doing it on _purpose…_they're functional as well as decorative, you know!"

Irritably tugging his collar, Severus picked up his wife's wrap and draped it over the controversial area. Complimenting Lorelei on her appearance while nobly refraining from mentioning the word _buxom, _he escorted her to the stairs. Within their frames, the portraits of Snape ancestors looked over the current master and mistress and nodded their approval of the attire chosen, although one puritan muttered 'humph!'

Downstairs, Glas, the house brownie who wore green to match his name, looked up from polishing silver in the dining room to pronounce that they went together 'go halainn'- beautifully. Bidding the cousin of his father in law's Brownie goodnight, the wizard accompanied his wife outside in preparation to Apparate. Looking at the evergreen boughs decorating the doorframe, the green wreaths hanging from red ribbons on each window, and the enchanted candle softly illuminating each interior windowsill, intense features softened. His wife asked,

"Do you like it? I tried to keep the decorations classic."

Reaching out to stroke her cheek, he nodded,

"It's pleasing, but you are…alainn…"

Inside the formerly gloomy House of Black, a witch and a house elf had transformed the home into a red, green, gold, and silver bedecked Christmas fantasy. Although Voldemort was defeated, the Order of the Phoenix still met from time to time to discuss Death Eaters still on the Ministry's Most Wanted list and the current political climate. This party marked the first time the members had gathered solely to enjoy each others' company. Severus personally would rather have stayed by the fire reading a new text describing Wolfsbane experiments in Latvia. His wife was a more social creature, therefore he conceded to the outing. Surely he could endure alcohol induced good wishes and pointless frivolity for a couple of hours.

The former and current DADA professors moved to greet them the moment they entered. Tonks carried his wife off to the kitchen after handing her wrap to Silky. Lupin was naturally impressed by his 3-0 winning streak over Gimli and amused by the 'Rumpelstiltskin' story. With studied casualness, Remus asked about the Wolfsbane potion trials.

"No luck so far."

Members of the Order crowded the lounge. Feeling stifled, and weary of repetitive holiday chatter, Severus left Remus conversing with Albus and Minerva and headed downstairs. In the kitchen, two women were laughing over some joke when the back door opened. From the shadows, he watched a wizard step inside. The young man looked much the same as he ever had, from the affectations of unruly hair and glasses to the annoyingly warm gleam in his eyes,

"Harry!"

Tonks and Lorelei greeted Potter like a long-lost friend. Scowling over the exuberant greeting…the boy always garnered more than his fair share of affection and attention…the silent observer curled his lip when The Famous Harry Potter stepped back from hugging his wife and laughed,

"Your postcards mentioned that you were becoming well-rounded, but it was hard to imagine." Fingertips brushing her abdomen, he grinned, "Seeing is believing." Bending down, Potter said, "Can you hear me, kid? I'm Harry. I'll teach you how to ride a broom."

Stepping into the light, Severus drawled,

"Your time will be spent signing autographs and avoiding the press. I will teach my child, Potter."

Green eyes widened,

"Professor Snape, I was just…"

"I heard."

Placing her hand on Harry's arm, Tonks said, "I'll come upstairs with you. Remus and eggnog will lead to karaoke later if I don't watch him."

"Thanks"

Lorelei smiled and kissed the young man's cheek,

"Happy Christmas, Harry…you're at The Burrow?"

He nodded, "Yeah, it's been great. Happy Christmas."

Potter returned his former potions professor's civil inclining of the head with a nod. Tonks began to ask the Wizarding hero about Romania as they ascended the stairs. Prowling toward his wife, Severus growled,

"If there is anything my child needs to learn, I will be the teacher."

A delicate eyebrow winged upwards,

"Just you? What if we have a girl? Are you going to teach toilet training and braid her hair?"

Lips twisting, he conceded,

"_We_ will teach our child."

Standing before Lorelei, Severus looked away before he admitted,

"I still have…difficulty…dealing with Potter in a reasonable manner."

She smiled understandingly. Taking his hands, she placed them on her abdomen,

"I've been feeling the baby fluttering around like a little butterfly for weeks, but today, it's been so strong, that I wonder…"

He wondered too,

"Where do you feel the babe now?"

"Underneath your right hand…" While he pressed lightly, she assured, "You are the man that I love, that our baby will love. No one else will ever come close. You're our hero."

Something pressed against his hand. Instinctively, he pressed back. The pressure was promptly returned. Disregarding his wife's laughing protest; he pushed up her camisole to watch the area carefully. When no movement was detected, Severus said sternly,

"I order you to move."

Nothing… Lorelei suggested,

"Press again…and this time…use that dark silky voice that always gets you what you want."

He pressed and coaxed,

"You are the most brilliant child on the planet. You want to show your parents how clever you are by sticking out a heel, or an elbow, or a knee…"

His voice trailed off as a small bump poked his palm. Removing his hand, Severus looked in awe at the outward manifestation of the child growing inside. Placing her hand over his against the tiny protrusion, Lorelei sighed,

"Isn't our baby _wonderful?"_

Beneath his palm, the child nudged with a strength that filled the father with tenderness.His lips curved,

"Why don't we go home and play with our baby?"

Cupping his face in her hands, Lorelei kissed him and said,

"Let's go."

* * *

A/N: I think of Snape as a bit grinchy before love makes his heart grow, lol. I was feeling very Dr. Seuss this chap- _Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store, Maybe Christmas is a little bit more… _I get vaclempt every year over that! Whether or not you do too, Review! 


	8. Father, Father

Disclaimer: No rights to Rowling's works, just the privilege of writing about her characters. I used the HP Lexicon information about Snape, and the links to Snape Village in North Yorkshire as the basis for Severus' family home. The characterization of his parents is based on the memory Harry saw in OotP, Prof. Henry Jones' treatment of young Indy in The Last Crusade, and my imagination. A bit surprising, that this chap came to mind right after the holiday one, but I did state in my first chapter's disclaimer that the plot bunnies weren't always fluffy…

* * *

Don't Call Me Daddy

Chapter 8- Father, Father

In the darkness of the dungeon quarters, firelight revealed a shadowy figure slumped in a chair facing the flames. A black robed arm hung down, the elegant hand holding a crystal tumbler in a negligent grip. The glass began to slide toward the carpet. The mantel clock struck twelve. Immediately, long fingers tightened their clasp, bringing the firewhisky up to thin lips twisting in self mockery.

_It is now the ninth of January. Happy Birthday to me… _

Severus felt the irony of his situation keenly. Here he was, experiencing unparallel personal and professional fulfillment. He lived in a world free of Voldemort with a loving wife. The New Year barely begun would see his first child grace the world with his or her presence. He should be lying asleep in his bedchamber with an arm draped over his wife. Instead, he had lain awake in the dark while Lorelei drifted off to sleep. Eventually, he'd slipped on a robe to come drink alone before the fire. Snape tried to pretend that he was not consumed with dread, was not hoping to stay awake until exhaustion overcame him. He finished the whisky and seriously considered praying to whatever benevolence would listen for a sleep without dreams.

"Can't sleep?"

Welcoming the distraction from dark thoughts, Severus levered himself up and carefully placed his tumbler on a low table,

"Is it the babe?"

He slid his hands over her abdomen. Lorelei smiled,

"No, I must've pointed my foot in my sleep. A leg cramp woke me. When I rolled over, you were gone, so I decided to come get you."

His hands slid upwards,

"What did you have in mind?"

"A massage"

A short laugh escaped. Perhaps he had drunk more than was wise. His wife didn't seem to mind, smiling,

"The pregnancy book recommends massage to alleviate stress hormones that build up and to improve circulation which relieves cramps, headaches, and back pain." Pulling him into the bedroom, she praised, "You make me feel so good. I'm a lucky woman to have those magical fingers all to myself."

How Slytherin his wife could be. It was a most attractive quality. Severus noticed that candles had been lit, the linens were already pulled back, and a full-length body pillow for support was already on the bed. A dark eyebrow rose. She stretched out on her side, giggling at the sardonic gesture and the smirk that accompanied it. This preparation was pure Gryffindor boldness. He refused to encourage it with verbal praise, but found it quite inspiring nonetheless. The manual he had perused on prenatal massage and his own innate skills enabled the Potions Master to ease soreness and tension. He enjoyed the feel of Lorelei's voluptuous curves. The state of utter relaxation that he brought her to caused the mellowed professor to smile indulgently before using his hands to create a different, sweeter ache and tension.

He bent and pushed aside raven curls to gently rake his teeth across her neck. She gave a heartfelt sigh and sat up to kiss him deeply. His lips pursed in displeasure when she broke the kiss. Smiling, Lorelei pushed him down and said,

"I think my Birthday Boy needs a massage too."

Being called a 'Birthday Boy' for the first time at his age struck Severus as decidedly humorous. He began to shake with silent laughter. A small smile remained while she tossed the body pillow and pulled the tie to his robe. When Lorelei's hands slid up his chest, he said amusedly,

"Happy Birthday to me…"

Later, the combination of alcohol and complete satisfaction caused Snape to fall headlong into sleep. At first, his slumber was dreamless. Hours later, however, rapid eye movements signaled his body's transition into a new stage of sleep where the past became the present within a vivid dream.

* * *

A small dark haired boy dragged his feet when he drew closer to his father's study. Adolphus Sebastian Snape was stern on his best day, and on his worst… Thin shoulders shrugged. Severus had learned not to anticipate a blow- it just extended the pain. The child's dark gaze fell on some artist's rendition of the family castle. Thin lips curled. One of his ignoble ancestors had felt 'Snape Hall' didn't have enough cachet, so he'd turned the pleasant, quadrangular stone manor house in North Yorkshire into an Elizabethan sham castle. The four towers and crenellated battlements were the simultaneous pride and joke of nearby Snape Village. Giving the painting one last, contemptuous glance, Severus moved forward to knock on the study door. 

"Enter"

Father was sitting at his desk, compiling a record of the latest findings from his excavation of the nearby ruins of a Roman villa. Long, black hair fell forward, obscuring every ascetic feature save that of a hook-nose. Sebastian's concentration was total. Antiquity was all the man cared for. He'd transformed the Elizabethan banquet room at the top of the remotest tower into a private museum and office. The only time his son had tried to touch one of the statues on display; he'd received a beating to ensure the offense would never be repeated. Cold black eyes lifted momentarily to flicker disinterestedly over the boy's face before returning to his work. Using his peripheral vision, Severus watched the clock on the mantel tick off the minutes. Five minutes passed. Ten… Finally, the boy blurted,

"Father, you will be receiving a note claiming otherwise from the vicar, but I assure you that I was minding my own business, when…"

"Quiet"

Resentfully waiting for several more minutes, the younger Snape took a deep breath and tried again,

"Sir, if you would be so good as to give me a few moments of your time…"

Pursing his lips in displeasure, the older wizard pinched the bridge of his nose and said,

"Your lack of patience is a sore trial and disappointment. Count to ten and then try to speak in a rational, intelligible manner."

Exhaling audibly, Severus began,

"One, two, three…"

"In Latin"

Through clenched teeth, the son gritted,

"Unus, duo, tres, quattuor, quinque, sex, septem, octo, novem, decem... Now, as I was saying…"

"Your tone leaves much to be desired. Count again. In Greek…"

The boy was tempted to mutter _Inflammo _and set his father's papers on fire. He didn't have a wand yet, but Severus had found through a combination of accident and experimentation that magic could be done without it. In the right circumstances, when he used his will to focus, he could make things happen. Imagining the stoic man scrambling frantically to save his precious work caused the small, set face to soften. The corners of his mouth turned upwards while he drawled,

"Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta, Epsilon, Digamma, Zeta, Eta, Theta, Iota...I wished to inform you of an unfortunate event in the village." When his father waved his fingers for the boy to continue, he explained, "I was examining a section of Hadrian's wall…"

"Was there damage?"

The concern in the elder Snape's voice as he leaned forward brought a slight, bitter smile to his son's thin face,

"No Sir, just an interesting patch of mosses that…" the bright note in the child's voice died at the lack of interest plainly shown. Reverting back to the unemotional recitation his father preferred, Severus continued, "…anyway, several children noticed my inspection and…began a dialogue with me."

"A dialogue…? What was the subject, pray tell?"

The fingers drumming on the desk top betrayed the man's rising agitation, although his voice was indifferent as ever. Unable to meet the onyx eyes he had inherited along with other physical characteristics he despised, the boy stated,

"They told me to leave the wall alone. I said that since my ancestor, Emperor Lucius Septimius Severus had reconstructed it; I would do as I pleased. They became hostile and attempted to use physical force after expletives and vulgarity would not dissuade me. I merely defended myself. The vicar rushed over after hearing the screams and told me he would be writing to inform you of my reprehensible behavior."

His father was out of his chair and rounding the desk before he finished. Clasping the small upper arm in an implacable grip, the man tightened his fingers until the child winced, hissing,

"What did you do, dunderhead?"

"I used _Deicio _to throw down beehives that were nearby and an aversion charm to keep the bees from stinging me."

A backhand blow split Severus' lip. Blood trickled down his chin while his father shook him violently, sneering,

"Always sneaking into the village, attempting to make friends with inferior Muggle children… When will you learn, boy? Shall I help you learn?"

"Sebastian, let him go!"

The force of his father's shove propelled Severus across the room. He collapsed into a corner, crying in shame and anger.

"I suppose Kreskin came running to tell you that his precious young master needed his mumsie? Stop cowering and look at me when I speak to you, woman."

The boy could hear the fear in his mother's voice,

"No…no…I…I merely asked if Severus had returned from his walk and…"

"Silence! Your son may act the sniveling coward as much as you do, Druscilla, but at least he is not a liar!"

"I'm not lying, Sebastian, please, don't punish me for natural concern, _please!"_

For a moment, Severus thought that his father would relent, but he didn't,

"_Dolore!"_

Once, long ago, his mother had explained that 'to be in pain' wasn't the worst curse her husband could have chosen to discipline her with. Although in agony while it lasted, there were no lasting repercussions. Listening to his mother sob and beg for mercy, Severus knew that several effects were permanent. His mother lived in fear of displeasing her spouse, and her son alternately loved and despised her while hating his father and vowing never to be like him in any way. After the curse was lifted, Sebastian returned to his desk and picked up a quill, ordering tonelessly,

"Get up, Snivellus, and escort your mother to her room. Tell Kreskin to deliver my meals for the rest of the day. I must make up the valuable time I have lost."

Severus' glare was malevolent, but his father was too engrossed in his work to notice. The boy placed an arm around his trembling mother's waist. She leaned against him as they left the tower room. Mother and son remained silent on the slow walk to her quarters. At her door, she turned and patted his cheek, her slight smile bringing a trace of former beauty to her pallid features,

"I believe I'll have lunch in my room also, Severus. You run along and play."

Staring at the dark wood of his mother's door, the boy wondered sullenly who the blazes he was supposed to play with. Out of habit, he began to aimlessly roam the castle. Today, he decided to explore the dungeons. One held ancient implements of torture. They were grisly, interesting, and tempting. Another contained work tables covered in dusty laboratory equipment. Lifting a tome from one of the tables, Severus opened the medieval text on potions to read the inscription,

_This book belongs to Druscilla White, first in Potions at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Ms. White's brilliant mind and Slytherin ambition will one day make her the youngest Potions Master in Britain. If not, the reader may tear this page out with her permission._

He carefully removed the page and slipped it into his pocket before flipping through the pages. Intrigued, Severus moved beneath the enchanted torch set in the stone wall, sat down and began to read.

* * *

Snape's eyes snapped open, almost expecting to see the old dungeon. Instead, he saw his wife, looking down at him. Lorelei's hand had been gently shaking his shoulder, her eyes filled with concern. Sunlight filtered in from the enchanted window. She said, 

"I know from experience that when nights get restless and eyes grow shadowed, there's something you don't want to face." Her eyes grew misty, "You helped me face my past. Allow me help you now."

Going against instinctive self-sufficiency, he slowly nodded, and then closed his eyes against the painful light. His wife gasped,

"Oh, poor love, I'll be back in a trice!"

She quickly changed the window back to the wall of their hidden wardrobe. Scooting off the bed, Lorelei left the room, undoubtedly to procure Nauseous No More and Morning After from the stasis chamber hidden behind a bookcase in the lounge. After the potions were ingested, Severus pushed his hair back and said,

"After a shower, I will request a Portkey from Dumbledore while you order breakfast." Meeting her gaze, the corner of his mouth quirked, "Dress warmly."

An hour later, the couple made their way to the gates of Hogwarts. Once outside the boundaries of the school, Snape reached inside his black greatcoat and pulled out the Portkey. As the Headmaster had predicted, the sight of it made his wife laugh,

"A silver baby rattle, how sweet of Albus!"

He held the handle, while she placed her hand on the rattle. Together, they waited for the spell to employ at the precise time. When it engaged, he wondered if the unsettling feeling of being yanked forward by the navel was compounded when one was pregnant. The experience of traveling through a whirling wind filled with a cacophony of sound and kaleidoscope of color ended abruptly when they reached the destination.

Lorelei's eyes widened while she stared at the ridiculously Gothic exterior of Snape Castle. Her gaze traveled the broken skyline created by dramatic towers and battlements. She sighed,

"It's so romantic." Bundled up in one of his capes with a Slytherin green scarf and mittens, she turned and said, "This is your family home?"

Holding her arm as they approached, he corrected,

"Ancestral abode, perhaps, but home? No. The only true home I have ever known is the one we created together."

Guiding her to the back of the monument to vanity, Snape unwarded the kitchen door and entered. As expected, the chamber was clean, with a fire burning in the fireplace on the back wall. Kreskin appeared. The tips of the house elf's ears glowed pink in pleasure,

"Master Snape is come once more and is bringing his Lady to meet Kreskin!" Bowing repeatedly in his tea towel, the elf's green eyes glowed when they saw the spoon the wizard held out to him, "A new spoon for Kreskin's collection!"

Lorelei was having trouble removing his cloak. Brushing her hands aside, he briskly removed her outer garments, draping her scarf and mittens neatly on a table near the fire to dry. Handing his coat and hers to the house-elf, he said,

"We will require a meal in a few hours…not a full banquet this time, if you please. Until then, I will be escorting my wife around the castle."

The tour seemed to please the woman currently craning her neck to view the frescoed ceiling of the ballroom. Room after room, floor after floor was shown, and historical facts shared. The mother and wife of Richard III, and Catherine Parr, one of the wives of Henry VIII, had spent time at the castle. Bypassing his old bedchamber, Snape led the way to his father's private tower retreat. His taut features must have given his inner turmoil away, because Lorelei said, in an obvious bid at distraction,

"At first, I was rather…surprised…that the interior doesn't match the Gothic exterior, but I must admit that the classical style is lovely."

Passing the painting of the castle, he replied dryly,

"You mean disappointed."

"No…well…just for a few moments…I can't help my fixation, married to a Gothic god as I am."

Opening the door to the office, he said quietly,

"I have been having dreams of this room, and all the unpleasantness my mother and I experienced within these walls."

They walked in. Lorelei immediately went to the small statue of Persephone and ran her fingers over the exquisitely carved marble. He related,

"My father…punished…me for daring to touch that when I was a boy."

His wife lifted the statue and placed it in his hands,

"You mean abused, and he can't hurt you or anyone else anymore."

Looking at the corner he'd once cried in, Severus confessed,

"I resemble my father in more than physical appearance. I have a similar temperament. What if I treat my child in a similar manner?"

Slender arms encircled him, a soft body pressed to his back. Between them, he could feel her abdomen, and a gentle nudge of a tiny elbow, or knee.

"Do you treat me the way your father treated your mother? Of course not! You're a different man- a better man." He turned to gaze down into her eyes. She smiled, "A loving man, who will always be loved in return."

Severus smiled briefly, bringing her hand to his lips to press a kiss of thanks. His gaze traveled to Sebastian's desk. The scrolls and parchments were still piled upon it just the way the man left them years ago. He mused,

"I always wanted to set those damned papers on fire."

Lorelei waved her wand and sent the pieces of parchment floating toward the fireplace. She nodded to the waiting stack,

"Let them burn."

The wizard needed no wand. He stared intently at the papers and murmured,

"_Inflammo_"

Leaving both the ashes and the memories behind, Severus took the statue with him as he guided Lorelei to his old room. She looked curiously around the dark bedchamber and then sat on the edge of the double bed,

"I hope you weren't forced to spend a lot of time here."

He placed the statue on the mantel and sat beside her, sharing,

"Unfortunately, I was. During my teenaged years, flies from the nearby marsh provided hours of entertainment over summer holidays- I used my wand to shoot them down from the ceiling."

"Unique hobby…did you have others?"

Snape shifted to lie on the bed and pull his wife down to lie beside him. Cupping her cheek, he smiled ironically,

"I used to lie on this bed and dream that Persephone had come to Hades in the Underworld." At her look of surprise, he smirked, "No doubt a result of all those texts I was required to read in the original Greek." Her eyes flickered to the statue whose classical draperies left one shoulder and part of the marble torso bare.

"Exactly what part of the statue were you touching when you got in trouble?"

He reached out and caressed,

"This one"

Her smile became sultry,

"Persephone has come to Hades in the Underworld. What welcome will you give me?"

Severus used his lips and body to give his welcome and his love. Lying beside her sometime later, a vision formed behind heavy eyelids.

_He was working in his private dungeon laboratory, engrossed in a complicated potion. _

"_Father?"_

_The wizard looked up to see his child standing before him, looking upset and apprehensive. His stern features softened. He was off the stool and rounding the table in a moment. Kneeling down to look into troubled eyes, his lips curved, _

_"Speak, I'm listening_._"_

* * *

A/N: I felt that Snape needed to deal with the 'series of unfortunate events' that comprised his childhood before becoming a father himself. Although refraining from having Daddy Dearest say 'the vile village' or calling Kreskin 'amazing', (I gave into the urge to homage, 'Ho Ho Ho, What a Savings' last chap, which _Severusgirl_ cleverly caught) I behaved, somewhat, this one…I couldn't resist using the phrase 'unfortunate event', or having Kreskin collect spoons. 

The wife and mother of Richard III really did stay at Snape Castle, and Catherine Parr lived there as the wife of Sir John Neville, the 3rd Lord Latimer. If you look on the HP Lexicon website, the Snape info page has a link where you can see the castle for yourself and picture Snape, black robes billowing, staring broodingly out a tower window or stalking the battlements. By Grabthar's Hammer, what an image! hehheh, like Tonks, I lack the ability to behave myself. Adieu, and remember to review!


	9. Unwelcome Advice

Disclaimer: Not Rowling, not as chary as Snape about taking advice.

* * *

Don't Call Me Daddy

Chapter 9- Unwelcome Advice

**Advice is one of those things that is far more blessed to give than to receive**_- Carolyn Wells_

_Alone at last…_ Sitting beneath the Dragon Claw Willow with a new text, Severus breathed in deeply and let out a long exhale of relief. No one knew where he was, so no one could 'drop by' and offer what he had come to despise almost as much as his late, unlamented father. Advice… In his gestational guide, the author had quoted a wizard named Mason Cooley who said about unsolicited counsel, 'advice is more agreeable in the mouth than in the ear'. Leaning back against the resilient willow trunk, admiring the lethal-looking frond tips, Snape heartily concurred. Opening his book, he reflected how ironic it was that a man who was avoided when he was single became eagerly sought once he had a pregnant wife.

Perusing a list of charms purported to be compatible with delicate solutions; the Potions Master absently brushed back a strand of black hair. Hearing a splash, he looked up to see the Giant Squid surfacing in the center of the lake. Early spring had awakened the creature from its hibernation. Watching a tentacle wave in the air, Severus muttered darkly,

"You may be happy now, but wait. The mer-people will _just happen_ to swim by and babble their opinion on where you can find the biggest fish, or advise you on how best to do everything, and soon you'll be wishing you were back at the bottom of the lake."

The squid sank beneath the dark surface, causing the watcher to smirk and turn back to his reading. Students contained within classrooms meant that his solitude was peaceful. The lack of distraction should have made it easier to concentrate. Instead, thoughts he'd been trying to suppress came to the forefront of his mind. For example, he'd always heard, 'beware the Ides of March', but he'd never heard, 'beware, in March of unwelcome advice'.

The weeks since he and Lorelei had visited his family residence had been ones of growth in more ways than one. His child was growing by leaps and bounds, but so was the interest of his colleagues, students, and strangers on the street. Somehow, his wife's condition had become public domain instead of a private matter between expectant parents. Questions of 'when is the baby due' or 'is it a boy or a girl?' were annoying, but expected. It was the advice people gave, in the same manner Albus pushed sweets on all and sundry that made the muscles of his cheek twitch.

Just last night, while he'd attempted to eat dinner, Minerva had the nerve to lean over and say,

"I've noticed that Lorelei has been eating a lot of rice and vegetables. I do hope she's not feeling…self conscious…about her changed figure."

He stared without expression until she started to fidget, explaining while fingering the choker around her neck in a nervous manner,

"You may not be aware of this, but some women feel unattractive in the last months, and when _intimate moments _decrease due to fatigue or other factors, romantic gestures can make all the difference in self image."

The tic that had begun to twitch at the start of her words subsided. Raising a dark brow, Severus assured silkily,

"My wife's diet ensures regularity, and our…," his lip curled, "'intimate moments' have not _decreased. _Lorelei is well aware that I consider a fertility goddess the ultimate sex goddess, and is well satisfied with my _romantic gestures_, thank-you-very-much."

Instead of being intimidated or embarrassed by his reply, the witch repressed a smile and leaned forward to look past the Headmaster. Down the Staff Table, Professor Sprout's expression became slack with disbelief when she saw McGonagall nod and rub her thumb and fingers together. Pomona called, in her customary dull roar,

"You're having me on! That's un-natural. Even plants go dormant, for Merlin's sake!"

Snape became the cynosure of all eyes. He counted to ten in Latin, Greek, and Elvish before asking his fellow Head of House in a voice so soft she started leaning toward Albus in an instinctive bid for protection,

"You…_wagered_…on my…" He couldn't finish. Gathering her fortitude, Minerva admitted,

"Yes, I did." She told him the amount of galleons that she'd be collecting from various colleagues. He was flabbergasted. Severus was further astounded when Minerva shared,

"I'll be using my winnings to purchase..." Her voice lowered conspiratorially, "…a Pegasus Pram, with top of the line shielding charms, for a baby gift, from the Staff."

His lips twitched,

"How Slytherin of you"

She gave a feline smile,

"Thank you, Severus. I thought my friendly wager boldly Gryffindor, myself."

On McGonagall's other side, her partner gave an amused chuckle. Snape queried,

"No advice from you, Albus? How extraordinary. Have you gone off sweets as well?"

Taking a toffee out of his pocket, Dumbledore unwrapped and ate it himself after the younger wizard refused the treat offered. With a genial smile, the wizard demurred,

"I could give advice, but without the wisdom to follow it…"

Minerva concealed a smile behind her hand. Severus pursed his lips to do the same.

The sound of willow fronds snapping and a booming voice saying, 'alright now, I'm only wantin' to come in for a chat, no need to get defensive' halted the wizard's mental replay of the previous evening's conversation. He looked up to see a half-giant parting the drooping branches. Scratches from tiny Dragon Claws covered Hagrid's face and hands. Dropping to the ground beside Snape with a thud that caused the water in the nearby lake to ripple, the former groundskeeper said heartily,

"Good afternoon, professor"

"It was"

Beetle-black eyes lost a bit of their twinkle,

"'Spect yer wonderin' what I came to talk about, eh?"

"Indeed"

The enormous man looked off, smiling to see the squid surface across the lake,

"I dunno how to start, exactly." Huge teeth flashed briefly in a smile, "I s'ppose I jus' better come right out an' say it." Releasing a breath that caused willow fronds to part, Hagrid began, "I don't have much experience with expectin' women, but I do know summat about all kinds of other creatures, and I have to say…" In a rush, he finished, "Lorelei reminds me of a Hebridean Black."

Ignoring the tic starting to pulse in his right eyelid, Severus made an attempt at comprehension,

"Are you calling my wife a dragon?"

"Fer cryin' out loud, no!" Shaking his bushy black hair, the giant man explained, "I said she reminds me of one." Leaning forward, he said earnestly, "The Hebridean Black dragoness is jus' abou' the loveliest, sweetest creature I ever had the pleasure to train and breed…I mean study…" When his listener made no comment on illegal 'breeding' slip, Hagrid relaxed and continued, "Except when her eggs are about to hatch- then she turns vicious. Clawing, biting, and shooting fire at anything that wanders near."

Snape realized that his mouth was open and shut it abruptly. Halfway between feeling affronted and amused, he asked,

"You are sharing this today because…?"

With the air of one bestowing a valuable confidence, the other man said,

"I found, through trial and bloody, painful error, that if yeh stroke a dragoness, gentle yet firm like, she'll calm right down. An' although yeh might get a few gashes, third degree burns, and whatnot, you'll live to see the egg hatch."

After pressing his lips firmly together for several minutes, Severus felt composed enough to respond with a simple,

"Thank you"

Nodding agreeably, Hagrid rose to his feet, bending over in order not to break the surrounding fronds. Turning to leave, the half-giant hesitated a moment, and then confessed before rushing off,

"I want yeh to be knowin'- that although I used to call yeh a great prune, I now think yer goin' to be a thumpin' good father."

Blinking rapidly, the wizard tried holding his breath and thinking of Longbottom melting a cauldron for the umpteenth time. It was useless. Dark laughter spilled out and echoed across the lake.

Remembering the 'talk' with Hagrid days later, the corners of Snape's mouth turned up briefly. He and Lorelei were strolling into Hogsmeade to visit the Midwitch on the clear, bright Saturday. Thankfully, it wasn't a Hogsmeade Weekend, so the path was student-free. His wife held onto his arm, hugging it affectionately. His glance flickered down, noticing that her maternity jumper emphasized well-rounded areas in a way that made him wish he'd insisted she'd worn a cloak. She took a deep breath of fresh air. He smirked. Perhaps he didn't mind so much. Noticing his fixed interest, she smiled,

"Are you happy it's the weekend, or are you thinking about me being compared to a dragoness again?"

Glancing down at his wife's glowing face, he deadpanned,

"The Hebridean Black _is _the loveliest, sweetest creature."

The siren laughed,

"Good thing you know how to stroke me." Taking his hand, she raised it and rubbed her cheek against his palm, "Firm yet gentle."

The shops in the village were doing a brisk trade. He steered his wife away from Honeydukes before she could go in and buy out the chocolate section. Continuing on, Severus found that he was becoming increasingly agitated while they headed toward the small cottage that doubled as home and office for the birthing specialist. Every few paces, someone felt compelled to touch his wife's abdomen. A surreptitious pat here, a blatant 'oh how lovely' rub there, children, women of all ages and even a few foolhardy men acted like they were rubbing a good luck charm or trying to touch the miracle of life. His sneering, warning glares and outright snarls kept most potential gropers away. The ones his threatening manner could not dissuade, Lorelei treated with a politeness they did not deserve. She smiled nicely and moved on, murmuring 'thank you' to the compliments and ignoring impertinent questions.

Finally reaching the thatched cottage, Severus escorted his wife up the walk and rapped smartly on the door. It opened. A young couple exited. They stared at him, wide-eyed. He nodded civilly,

"Mr. Davies, Mrs. Davies…or do you go by Greengrass?"

The former Slytherin blushed,

"I'm Daphne Davies now, Professor Snape"

"My congratulations"

He didn't really mean it, neither of the former students were more than barely competent in potions and Merlin knew what kind of inept progeny they would be inflicting on his wife in a dozen years time. Lorelei made up for his lack of enthusiasm with a genuine interest in the pair. They smilingly bid her farewell, including him by proximity, and hurried off. The Midwitch had been watching the by-play patiently. She invited them to come in. He greeted,

"Midwitch Leach"

"Please, call me Penelope."

Inclining his head in agreement, Snape followed the women through the lounge into an office that looked to have once been a dining room. Averting his eyes while his wife went through a routine exam, out of consideration, not squeamishness, lean muscles relaxed when the Midwitch moved to take a seat at her desk and Lorelei dressed and sat beside him in a chair facing the older witch. Looking up after finishing her notes, she smiled,

"Your baby's big and healthy. If your feel like you've run out of room, Lorelei, it's because your uterus has expanded fifteen times its usual volume. No more somersaults from the little one, but the number of kicks should remain the same. Frequent urination is to be expected. Fatigue, as well. You're fortunate not to experience heartburn or other digestive problems. I suspect your husband's vigilance is to be credited."

The way she emphasized 'vigilance' caused Severus' gaze to narrow. He asked sharply,

"Are you acquainted with Minerva McGonagall?"

Penelope smoothed her gray hair back before saying casually,

"Yes, we were roommates at Hogwarts. Tell Minnie that Penny sends her regards."

He gave a look stating plainly that he would be telling _Minnie _several things about 'Penny'.

Unfazed by his grim silence, the witch continued,

"I hear that you're still teaching full time, Lorelei. Are you using a maternity belt to redistribute some of the weight?"

His humor was restored, watching his wife's cheeks turned pink while she said 'yes' without sharing that he'd charmed a belly chain to serve as a more decorative alternative.

"Excellent. One last question, have you considered massaging the perineum to prevent tearing during childbirth? It's the area around…"

"We know."

Lorelei's interruption was accompanied by a deepening blush. He listened, amused, to the placating reply,

"If you're not comfortable with the technique…"

In a strangled voice, with a burning face, his wife said,

"Oh, I'm comfortable. Really, Severus has been extremely…helpful…with massage throughout the pregnancy. He's always…" Burying her face in her hands, Lorelei choked out, "…gentle yet firm."

Penelope stared at her shaking patient in consternation. When her inquiring gaze met his, he returned the scrutiny with deliberate blandness, shrugging as if to say, 'pregnant women'. With a final wary glance at the woman trying to regain her composure, the Midwitch said with determined cheerfulness,

"Shall I do another scry? Do you want to know if baby is a boy or girl?"

Lorelei released a shuddering breath and straightened to give him a smile. He answered,

"We wish to see the baby, but not the sex."

Standing to reach for the wide, shallow bowl, the Midwitch chuckled,

"Like surprises? So do I."

Viewing his child and marveling at the how long and fully developed the babe was, Snape half listened to the women's conversation. Penelope was inviting Lorelei and himself to join some child preparation class being held in the community centre that night. The witch had invited a guest Healer to share his wealth of experience. Absently, he agreed to the outing.

Hours later, looking around a room filled with a half dozen other expectant couples of various ages, Severus wondered if he would regret his agreement. Lorelei seemed to know each woman personally, or perhaps maternity created an instant bond between women. Daphne Davis waved at him. He nodded and looked toward the opening door. Midwitch Leach was entering, accompanied by…a boy. An un-naturally handsome youth with un-professional long white-blond hair worn with two side strands pulled back and tied. Scowling, the professor was unwilling to believe that this young man, mid-twenties, at most, was a Healer with a 'wealth of experience'. Blue eyes in a face too classically handsome for Snape's liking lit up when they spied a woman with raven hair talking animatedly to another witch,

"Lorelei!"

Lupin was not the only man who could become a territorial beast. Seeing his wife look up in surprised delight and joyfully call, 'Orlando' before rushing as fast as her belly would allow her into the youth's embrace caused something dark and dangerous to slither up from primal depths and hiss for him to hex first and ask questions later. Lorelei pulled the other man toward him with a wide smile. The beast inside subsided reluctantly.

"Orlando, this is my husband Severus Snape. Darling, this is my friend Orlando of the Woodland Realm. We haven't seen each other in, it must be ten years now, but he was my only comfort in that time I spent…in the West."

Dark brows contracted. This man was Fae? That explained the apparent youth and preternatural attractiveness. The trace of a smile that made supposedly contented, pregnant women sigh all across the room widened,

"Yes, you are Severus, and yet not so much as once you were, I think." Holding out his hand, the man said warmly, "I am most pleased to meet you." After shaking hands, Orlando placed his palm against Lorelei's abdomen and laughed to feel a kick, "This child will lead you a merry chase with Father's determination, and Mother's charm." The siren smiled radiantly, while a shiver traveled down Snape's spine. Echoing in his mind was 'Father, I love him!' and 'Gryffindor!' Shaking off ludicrous fears, fae did not mean omniscient; he listened to the old friends chat for a moment before Orlando moved to the head of the room to begin the class.

Sitting on the charmed for comfort floor, listening to Lorelei practice _breathing_ two hours later, the Potions Master concluded that these 'child preparation' classes were about demystification. Oh, the Healer talked about 'sharing the birth experience' and 'understanding the stages and what to expect' and the father's 'role during birth', but Severus figured that was all a cover for making the women feel empowered and the men reassured that they would not, as Mr. Davies so eloquently confessed to worrying, 'freak out' during labor. The breathing techniques would undoubtedly help distract women in labor from the pain of transitional contractions until the cervix became sufficiently dilated for a pain cessation charm not to impede nature. All in all, Snape felt the time was reasonably well spent. If this class made his wife feel more prepared and confident, viewing pregnant women fluttering like schoolgirls around the heartthrob instructor was worth it.

Toward the end, while the others were chatting, Severus gazed longingly at the door. He was hoping to be able to drag his wife off for a butterbeer for her, and a double firewhisky for him sooner rather than later. Into the centre came a woman with a baby. Penelope called out,

"Sorcha! Thank you for coming. Please use a sanitizing spell, everyone. Mrs. Martigan has kindly brought her little one to demonstrate how to properly hold a baby."

Orlando and Penelope took each couple through adjusting even nervous, stiff arms to hold the baby, supporting the infant's head and back of neck, relaxing to make the baby feel comfortable too, and basic soothing techniques. One or two couples were obviously used to holding small children, and a few, the Davies included, made his first attempts with Elora Danan look brilliant. Eventually, only he and Lorelei were left. She held the baby and rocked back and forth like an expert. When his wife handed over the infant, he returned her cheeky grin with an upraised brow. Disregarding soft laughter, Severus looked down into a tiny pale face. Round brown eyes stared at him unblinkingly. Minute red brows matching the downy hair on the babe's head seemed to arch in surprise. He asked the mother,

"What is her name?"

"Willow"

His lips curved,

"Hello Willow. You seem to be an intelligent child. I'm sure you'll never melt a cauldron when you grow up. You'll be one of the exceptional students in my advanced potions classes one day, won't you?"

Rosebud lips blew a spit bubble. The infant cooed.

In the pub afterwards, Orlando poured a shot of whiskey from the bottle of Ogden's Finest on the table and grinned,

"You have a way with women professor."

Returning from the loo, Lorelei dropped onto his lap, taking advantage of his relaxed mood that cared nothing for propriety. He smirked, glad that he'd scooted his chair back earlier. She declared,

"Yes, and it's mine all mine." Kissing him possessively, she placed her hands over his on her abdomen and qualified, "and the baby's too."

Across the room, Gimli challenged in his rumbling burr,

"Professor Snape! Let's be having our rematch."

He shook his head, drawling,

"Sorry, I have my hands full."

The men gathered around the darts board roared with laughter. Orlando stood and smiled,

"I will be more than happy to take his place."

The broad, bearded face looked over the deceptively youthful man and scoffed,

"Haff yeh ever played? I wouldnae like to shame a beardless lad."

Lorelei used the table edge to lever herself to her feet. Rising to his, Severus echoed her farewell and inquired in an undertone,

"Are you sure you're up to the match? Gimli's the best in the village."

Orlando laughed. The merry sound made the women in the pub sigh.

"Never underestimate the determination of a Fae."

On the way back to Hogwarts, the full moon rising overhead reminded the wizard of a werewolf, and friend, who would be locked away until it waned. Squeezing his hand gently, Lorelei asked,

"Do you think you'll perfect a stasis-compatible Wolfsbane Potion someday?"

He looked into her eyes and smiled,

"Never underestimate the determination of a Snape."

* * *

A/N: Yes, you LOTR fellow fangirls, I did indeed 'borrow' the 'never underestimate' line. How could I not? I couldn't make him Legolas, since Lorelei is a fan too, but Orlando worked, didn't it? Review and let me know! 


	10. Baby Showers

Disclaimer: Not Rowling, not reluctant to throw Snape into awkward situations, because he can handle them! I'm also not reluctant to ask wonderful readers to read my Star Wars III fic, _The Force of Love_. If you saw the film, and thought there should've been a lot more chemistry and romance between Anakin and Padme, this is for you!

* * *

Don't Call Me Daddy

Chapter 10- Baby Showers

_April showers bring May flowers_…

Staring down at the two invitations on his desk, Severus thought darkly that the childbirth class had left out the most stressful events in late pregnancy- baby showers. The thought of opening countless gifts in the presence of giddy, giggling women produced a sensation that had not been experienced since his final bout of 'morning sickness'. His skin was clammy and his stomach felt queasy. Doing a few of those breathing exercises from the class helped the feeling to eventually subside.

He opened the first invitation. It announced the baby shower that the staff would be holding in the staff lounge on the third Friday of the month. Tossing the card back onto the desk and reaching for the next, he figured two weeks' notice would give him almost enough time to become resigned to his fate. Noting that the event was to take place after school, the wizard hoped that cocktails would be served.

The second invitation was from Lorelei's family. Tiny blue and pink gossamer thin tissue butterflies 'flew' out of the envelope once it was opened. Impatiently waving the blasted things out of his face, Snape scanned the invite. His wife's least favorite cousin was hosting the family shower at her home in London. Partners were invited. The date of the party was…tomorrow… Unconsciously, his fingers crushed and dropped the paper while he stalked into the bathroom. Inside the chamber, Lorelei floated in the Roman bath. He was slightly mollified to note the lack of bubbles to prevent urinary tract infections. Further distracted from his ire after he tested the water and confirmed that it was a safe temperature, he queried,

"When did the bath become the size of a small pool?"

Opening her eyes, his wife sat up and smiled,

"Last night. I'm still not sure if Slinky or the castle itself was responsible. It's lovely, either way. I can actually swim a few strokes, and baby loves it. Why don't you join me?

Removing his teaching robes, Severus folded them precisely before placing the garment on a nearby counter. Slipping off his shoes, he then placed his socks inside them before unbuttoning his shirt. Smirking at the woman who was watching him raptly, the not-quite-as-disgruntled husband asked,

"How long have you known about your cousin's baby shower?"

Ebony eyes grew wide. She slipped down into the water until all but her face was submerged. Batting her eyes with mixed effect- he was amused at the Slytherin cunning, but annoyed that she'd not apprised him of the invitation earlier- Snape added his shirt to the pile and unzipped his trousers. He was stepping out of them when she admitted,

"Oh, for awhile…"

Only the upper half of her face was showing above the water now. Turning to fold the trousers and hide a reluctant smile, he kept his voice bland when he remarked,

"I suppose you thought that if I knew in advance, I would have found a reason not to attend."

Lorelei nodded, floating backwards. He tossed a last item onto the pile. The over-the-shoulder shot caused his wife to say 'Wow'. Mouth tilted smugly, Severus stepped down into the bath. A single breaststroke brought him close enough to press the small protrusion that had manifested after he'd spoken. His lips curved, feeling a nudge. He played the babe's favorite game of press and nudge while the child's mother smiled sheepishly,

"I did think that you'd find a way to get out of it. I should've trusted that you would know how important it is to me that mum's side of the family gets to meet you before the baby's born. I'm sorry, will you forgive me?"

The babe nudged him again. Pressing back, he leaned forward and kissed his beautiful, scheming wife. One hand slipped beneath the wet spirals of her hair to cup the back of her neck and allow him to deepen the kiss. The other patted Lorelei's abdomen with a silent message for his child to go to sleep. The small oval retracted. Freed from fatherly duty, his fingers glided upwards to tenderly caress. After he'd reduced her to a flushed and dreamy state, Severus replied softly,

"There's nothing to forgive. I would have indeed fabricated an excuse."

Maneuvering her to lie back against his chest, he swept long hair aside and began to gently use his lips and teeth on her graceful throat. She arched her neck and moaned. His fingers tightened on her hips,

"Was that an invitation?"

He could hear the smile in her reply,

"Always"

* * *

Standing outside Ariel's building in London; Severus viewed with a slight smile his wife's face turning soft and maternal. She was watching children playing at the park across the street. Her sudden laughter caused him to shift his attention to a toddler attempting to squeeze a retriever puppy to a premature demise. The golden canine was wagging its tail madly and exuberantly licking the boy's small round face. The wizard's contracted brows relaxed. It seemed the dog was in no real danger. A disturbing thought struck. He asked in a tone that implied the answer had better be negative, 

"Not wanting a dog, are you?"

A smile as sunny as the day accompanied the answer.

"No, not now…"

They entered the wizard-owned building and climbed the stairs to the flat which comprised half the first floor. His hand paused in the act of knocking,

"_Now…_does that mean that you actually desire to own a slobbering fur ball one day?"

Onyx eyes entreated in a way that put puppy dogs to shame,

"It's good for children to have pets."

He snapped,

"Isn't Hagrid enough?"

Marina answered his subsequent, forceful knock. His mother-in-law opened the door, greeted him warmly and then looked past him to exclaim,

"Circe, you're huge! Lovely as ever, but darling, is it _positive_ you're not having twins?"

Lorelei kissed her mother's cheek,

"Positive. The Midwitch has scryed several times, and there's only the one."

They followed Marina into the spacious lounge. Looking down at the fuchsia pink camisole top's empire waistline, his wife muttered,

"So much for distracting from my increasing abdomen…"

He reached out and quickly ran a fingertip across impressive cleavage, whispering,

"I'm distracted."

She shivered, smiling happily at him before becoming engulfed in a sea of sirens. Preternaturally attractive women of all ages gushed and cooed and in a chorus of 'You look wonderful' and 'I can't believe you're really having a baby in just a few more weeks'! Identical twin cousins from Paris gave him a look that said, 'We can't believe she's having a baby with _you_!' He raised his eyebrow and curled a lip, sending the two scurrying off. The opinion of young women with the bad taste to briefly date Weasleys fazed him not at all. Behind him, an amused voice observed,

"I've heard that there's nothing to make a man feel more like a bit actor than his wife's pregnancy."

Trying not to show his relief, Severus pivoted to Jean Luc and assured,

"I have no wish to be in the spotlight."

Chuckling, the bald man's distinguished features broke into a wide smile,

"You'll be center stage, like it or not, come the birth, my friend."

Shaking Picard's hand, Snape said dryly,

"I believe my child will be the star of the show then."

Inclining his head in amused acknowledgement, Jean Luc gestured toward the women,

"I think your presence is required."

Lorelei returned to his side,

"Everyone is eager to meet you!"

Aunts, cousins, and distant relatives expressed their pleasure to make his acquaintance. A few were even sincere. While Lorelei went off to find a loo, Aunt Nerys, who resembled her sister Marina with short, curly hair smiled,

"You wouldn't like to test another Anti-Aging Potion would you? We've finally developed a formula that…"

He broke in to state firmly,

"No thank you."

The woman laughed and then looked past his shoulder to invite,

"Ariel, Dickie, come meet Severus."

A flame-haired mother and son stepped forward. The woman's bright blue gaze was almost disturbingly cheerful,

"I'm so happy to meet you at last. Diddums loved the Christmas present you and Lorelei picked out, didn't you Diddikins?"

The child wiped his nose with the back of his hand and shrugged sullenly, blue gaze accusatory,

"I wanted it to explode, not implode. Wasn't messy enough…"

Snape wanted to tell the little ingrate to mind his manners. Noticing the child's constant sniffling, he told the mother,

"He has a cold. Either administer a Pepper Up Potion or have the child play somewhere he cannot infect my wife."

The boy protested,

"I don't want no potion, and I don't wanna go play! I want to touch Lorelei's gi-normous belly and feel that baby!"

His mother admonished ineffectually,

"Now, Diddums, gi-normous isn't really a word, is it? When you go to Hogwarts, you'll have to use proper English. Gigantic, or enormous, dearest…" Patting the wretch on the head, she coaxed, "Let mumsie get you a potion sweetheart, and then you can feel the baby."

"No! I'm going to find her right now!"

In a flash, Severus reached out and grabbed hold of the boy's shoulder, halting his steps. Leaning down, he looked into defiant eyes and promised icily,

"If you take one more step, I will petrify you and float your carcass to your room where you will stay until the end of the party." Out of courtesy to his hostess, the man offered, "Obey your mother and take the potion, and cousin Lorelei may allow you to feel the baby, if you ask politely."

Releasing the child, the wizard stepped back. Dickie made a rude gesture and bolted.

"Petrificus Totalus!"

Lowering his wand, Snape threw a steely look at the brat's mother, whose mouth was opening and closing like a carp in shock. She swallowed hard,

"It…won't hurt…Diddikins…to remain that way for a few hours, will it?" Hearing that there would be no negative aftereffects, Ariel said thoughtfully, "He is rather a handful. Perhaps it would be best if Dickie had a little time-out in his room. Can you?" She made a wand-waving motion with her hand, "I'll show you the way."

The entire room had fallen silent upon the boy's petrifaction. As Dickie was floated out of the room via mobilicorpus spell, the sound of applause became thunderous. In the corridor leading to the bedrooms, Severus smiled.

That smile was long gone by the time 'Baby Games' began. Lorelei, He, Jean Luc, and Marina sat on one sofa while the rest of the ladies arranged themselves in a circle of chairs. The Potions Master felt rather like 'Diddums'- he wanted to make a rude gesture and bolt. Picard leaned over and said in an undertone,

"If you wish to escape to the study, I know one surefire way to get the women to ask us to leave."

Hope flared in stygian eyes,

"What is it?"

"Win every game. Twists knickers and works like a charm."

The men shared a conspiratorial smile. Celeste and Celine, the French twins, came around offering string for everyone to cut in the length approximating the diameter of Lorelei's abdomen. Severus didn't even need to glance at his wife before briskly unrolling the string.

His prize was 'a day of beauty' at a Siren Spa. Jean Luc huffed in amusement, but the younger wizard had seen the incredulous look in the man's eyes when he'd lost by a few centimeters. He considered the victory over the darts champion sweet indeed.

Parchment and quills were passed out. Ariel displayed a large tray with two dozen baby items on it and then removed the tray from sight. Snape remembered all twenty four items. He and Picard opened the prize of Lady Godiva chocolates and began to eat them while the others looked on enviously. Lorelei and Marina were each given a piece.

Next, the group was instructed to write down 'Severus and Lorelei Snape' and try to come up with as many words from the letters as possible in five minutes time. He was still writing when time was called. Nerys called for people to raise their hand if they'd written 5 words, 10, 15, 20, and so on. After his fellow minority male lowered his hand at 50, Severus realized that he was the only one left with a hand raised. Lorelei was beaming proudly at his knowledge of languages, but the expression on every other face was less than affectionate. He opened the prize envelope and gave it to his wife with a smirk. It was a gift certificate for Siren's Secret. In the tense silence that followed, Nerys said,

"You men have been such…good sports…about our little games, but we know you'd rather read the Prophet or something until brunch is served, so feel free to run along to the study."

He and Jean Luc stood immediately and made their way to the door. Once out of the room, Snape bowed to the other man and vowed to drink to his health as soon as possible. Graciously accepting the tribute, Picard challenged him to a match of wizard chess. Anticipating a hard fought victory, Snape accepted the challenge.

* * *

Gazing at the piles of presents still heaped in the nursery two weeks after the family baby shower, Severus thought irritably that one child could not possibly wear so many garments or play with such a variety of toys. The sound of the guardian portrait rising caused the wizard to straighten from leaning against the doorframe to walk into the lounge. Lorelei was tearing off her teaching robes. She blew him a kiss while hurrying into their bedroom to change into something to wear to the staff shower. He followed, mouth quirking when she tossed him her blouse and complained, 

"I started leaking again! I've _got_ to remember to perform the absorption charm in the mornings. If I'd leaked through my robes, I would've _died_ from embarrassment!"

Wet, circular patches marred the silk. Reasonably, he pointed out,

"That is a common occurrence. After birth, milk letdown can be far more…" The look on her face caused his words to trail off. She started to cry,

"Oh my gods, I'm not ready for that! One lady in class said her sister could squirt milk across a room! I don't want to squirt _anything_ across the room!"

He had to bite the inside of his cheek, but Severus did not laugh. Instead, he strode into the bathroom, moistened a flannel, and returned to wipe Lorelei's face before efficiently removing her bra and cleansing that area as well. His matter-of-fact attitude helped his distraught spouse regain composure. She smiled shakily while fastening a clean brassiere,

"I know I'm being silly. I think my hormones have gone wonky again. The Midwitch says it's natural…" a look of intense frustration crossed her face, "…but I'm tired of having mood swings, tired of waddling around like a duck, and abso-bloody-lutely sick and tired of being pregnant!"

She fastened her colorful print wrap dress with agitated fingers before snatching a brush off the dresser and roughly dragged it though her curls. He took the brush away and began to smooth her hair with long, relaxing strokes, confessing,

"I cannot truly know how you feel, but if it would help, we could go away for the weekend."

"And do what?"

His smile was slow and promising,

"Go to the inn along the coast that you thought was 'quaint'- the one that didn't allow children. We'll take walks on the beach and read books in bed, naked." She giggled. He smirked, "We'll make mad, passionate love and not care who hears. We'll…"

Eyes shining, she interjected,

"Make mad, passionate love right now and miss the staff party if you tempt me further." Kissing him lingeringly, Lorelei smiled, "I'd love to go. Thanks for being so understanding, and thoughtful."

He offered his arm. Her smile widened as she accepted his escort. Together they walked out of their quarters and made their way to the staff lounge. Someone had decorated in pastel colors. The streamers floating about were rather festive.

Lupin padded over,

"Hello, Severus, I hear you're an old hand at baby showers. Dumbledore decided not to have any games after hearing how you won all the others. You have my congratulations and my gratitude for preventing such activities here."

Remus's greeting was returned, and his hand shaken,

"You're either brave or a fool, Lupin, for volunteering to endure this sort of thing."

"Anything for a friend, Severus…"

A faint smile crossed ascetic features before Snape looked away while saying,

"Thank you…my friend."

This shower was much rowdier than the previous one had been. Perhaps it was the cocktails. Whatever the reason, the laughter and talk grew louder as each present was duly opened and admired. Toward the end, Severus saw McGonagall and Trelawney looking at each other angrily. Curious, he concentrated on reading lips,

"I tell you, Minerva, that I have used several different methods of Divination, and they all point to Lorelei having a…"

Sprout blocked his view for a moment. When she leaned back, he watched the Head of Gryffindor say,

"Would you care to wager on it?"

Sybil nodded. Minerva smiled in a cat-like way. Intrigued, Severus would've gone over to ask the exact nature of the bet if not for his wife handing him a box, while saying,

"Look at how tiny all these booties and gowns are! This book of fairy tales is exquisite! Thank you, Tonks, Remus."

He picked up a pair of diminutive footwear. All at once, Severus became overwhelmed by the reality of impending fatherhood. When the elves delivered food and the shower turned into a staff party, Snape told Lorelei that he was in need of air and left the chamber. Instinctively, he strode toward the Astronomy Tower. Sitting against a side wall, he looked up at a sky that was starting to shimmer with stars. Somehow, he had to come to terms with his conflicting feelings.

"No whiskey this time. That's a good sign." Lupin crossed over to drop down beside him, asking, "Anything I can do to help?"

Lifting the baby booties that he'd placed in his pocket for some unfathomable reason, Severus nodded,

"Tell me how to feel ready for the responsibility of a life so fragile and utterly dependent."

"I don't know if any man's ever _ready_." In a wistful tone, Remus mused, "I think you just trust that love, and inner strength will make you the father your children deserve."

That was good advice. Severus decided to take it, nodding his thanks with a ghost of a smile. They sat in silence for long moments. Eventually, the former DA professor said in a contemplative tone,

"You know, waxing philosophical has much the same effect on me as a few drinks."

"What, are you going to pass out?"

"No, I'm going to sing."

The memory of the last time the two of them had sat on the observation platform made Snape expel a huff of amusement. He lifted a sardonic brow,

"_Werewolves of London_?"

Remus grinned wolfishly,

"If you insist."

He sang about a werewolf who ate chow mien, walked with the Queen, and drank Pina Coladas. By the second chorus, Severus joined in and sang,

"Ah-wooo!"

* * *

A/N: Boo Hoo, no Warren Zevon lyrics, thanks to bloody lawsuit leery FF. Ah well, I think I worked around it well enough. Those of you who wanted Snape to have more awkward moments with baby things- you'll get it next chap! 


	11. Waiting Game

Disclaimer: Not Rowling, not fond of waiting. Good thing the next chapter is 'Oh Baby!' :D

* * *

Don't Call Me Daddy

Chapter 11- Waiting Game

Lorelei was overdue. She pretended that it didn't bother her, that she really hadn't fixated on a specific due date, but Severus knew that it did, and she had. As the first days of May went by, colleagues, and strangers on the street asked, "Wasn't the baby due…?" as though she could have possibly forgotten. His wife's smile had become increasingly strained, along with his temper. He'd begun scowling at anyone who dared draw their brows together while looking at her abdomen. Thankfully, he was no longer required to glare daggers at importuning persons wanting to 'touch the baby'. When an expectant mother became late, she was treated like a combustible object and admired from afar.

Standing in the doorway of their bedroom, Severus contemplated the woman lying on the bed. Since her eyes were closed, his brows drew together in consternation. Wearing only a Siren's Secret maternity bra and matching underbelly panties, her belly was stretched so tight, it was no wonder she constantly applied cream to her skin. Surely the babe was ready to be delivered. The child had no room to move. At that moment, it struck him that soon he'd have to stop thinking of the babe as _the child _and begin to relate to the infant as a girl or boy.

What if the infant was female? What if she was lingering in the womb because her personality leaned toward perpetual tardiness? His gaze became unfocused as an unsettling scenario sprang to mind.

* * *

He strode into his dungeon classroom and came to an abrupt halt. A girl, humming a tune he recognized as one of Gaelic Uprising's latest, was scrubbing a cauldron by hand. The Potions Master inquired sternly, 

"What are you doing here young lady?"

Looking up the moment she heard his voice, the preternaturally lovely fifth year shrugged,

"Mum sent me to you to finish my detention."

She returned to scouring the cauldron, seemingly oblivious to his imperious regard. After waiting for her to elucidate for several minutes, Severus finally clipped,

"I was not apprised that you were given detention. What did you do to merit it?"

Pushing back a long spiral that had fallen into the cauldron, his daughter blew a soap bubble in his direction, smiling wryly,

"Father, you know everything that goes on at this school, so you know full well that I overslept three times this week. I got off the first two times, but Auntie Minerva said Auntie Pomona bet 10 galleons that she wouldn't give me detention, so here I am."

Declining to comment upon the ever-wagering 'Aunties', Snape flicked his finger to pop the bubble that had floated over, saying,

"That does not explain why you are here instead of in your mother's classroom."

His little siren took a deep breath and began,

"Well, I started off there, but a nice third year had detention as well…" Her smile widened reminiscently, "We got into a huge water fight." Dark eyes began to sparkle. "I was soaked to the skin." She giggled, "He stole my sponge, so I _had _to wrestle him down to try and get it back." Seeing his expression, the girl said defensively, "I didn't hurt him, just rubbed soap in his hair and tickled him in retaliation for tickling me. That's when Mum came back from the storage room." Rolling her eyes, she placed soapy hands on hips to declare, "She totally overreacted, I mean, Merlin, he's just a kid, we were only having fun, not…" fine eyes rolled again before she imitated, "…_rolling around like otters!"_ Exhaling a melodramatic sigh, his daughter concluded, "Mum sent me here to prevent cradle snatching, I suppose, after drying us off."

Stygian eyes became slits,

"And the _name _of this boy you wrestled?"

The girl practically dove back into the cauldron; her voice muffled when she said,

"Sirius...erm...Potter."

* * *

Long black strands shook wildly as Severus cleared his mind of the distasteful vision. He heard a disconsolate sigh and watched Lorelei's fingers lift to rub what must be an itching area on taut skin. Striding to the bedside table, he lifted a jar of cream containing Vitamin E and other beneficial ingredients and removed the lid. Sitting on the bed, he began to rub the soothing lotion over his wife's abdomen. Her eyes opened and smiled into his. 

"Mmm…your fingers haven't lost their magic."

A brief smile lifted the corners of his mouth,

"Perhaps I should offer a baby massage to entice our child out into the world." Leaning down to press a kiss to the sizable bump that had materialized, Snape drawled, "If a massage does not appeal, little one, consider everyone waiting for you to brighten their lives. Don't keep them, especially your parents, who are the real Father Christmas, waiting much longer." With a huff of amusement, he added, "I'd hate to deduct House points from my own child for tardiness." The protrusion disappeared. Lorelei laughed,

"Baby doesn't want you to deduct points." Her smile deepened, "Besides, babies aren't sorted, so which House could you deduct them from?"

"Gryffindor"

He continued to massage the cream into her skin while she giggled,

"Aren't you afraid of tempting fate?"

His teeth began to grind,

"Bite your tongue, woman."

Mischievously, she stuck her tongue out and playfully bit it. His hands began to roam. Levering herself up with commendable swiftness, Lorelei nipped his shoulder before kissing him soundly and murmuring,

"Why don't you give me a better use for it?"

His lips sought hers, more than willing to engage her tongue in a duel that would see them both victorious. Much later, when relaxation and the warmth of her back against his chest caused Severus' lids to become heavy, he listened to his wife's breathing deepen and slowly drifted into sleep.

* * *

The seventh year strolled into the dungeon a full quarter hour late. Severus fixed the brilliant student and chronic truant with an icy stare, 

"How kind of you to join us, Mr. Snape…ten points from Slytherin… Take your seat."

Smirking unrepentantly, the unnaturally handsome youth nodded to his friends before sitting beside his potions partner. Ostensibly checking on the progress of students, the Potions Master was in actuality straining to hear what his errant son had to say.

"Did you do my prep work for me? I owe you one."

"You owe me several. Why were you late today?"

The incorrigible boy laughed,

"I was waylaid by those Hufflepuff twins. They asked me to decide which one was the best kisser."

"Well, who is it? Hilary or Hailey?"

"I declined the honor- blamed Slytherin high standards."

A bushy-haired girl at the table in front of the boys turned around to state loftily,

"Some of us are _trying_ to concentrate on our potion, Snape. Boast about your overactive love life on your own time."

Curling his lip, the teen looked the redhead over before drawling,

"Weasley, if you're angling for a snog, do something with your hair and drop the attitude. Taking advanced potions in sixth year doesn't mean you _really_ know it all."

Anger made freckles stand out against the girl's skin. Half turning, she tossed her last five ingredients in while sputtering,

"You are the most humongous bighead that it has ever been my displeasure to…why is my solution smoking?"

Crossing his arms, the professor watched his son gloat,

"Didn't read directions, did you? This is a medieval potion, and if you toss the last ingredients in too fast, it acts like a…"

Severus whipped out his wand to vanish the fumes, but it was too late. His son was off the stool and stalking over to the big-eyed girl.

"Athena, my goddess of wisdom and beauty, I love you. Kiss me!"

Amber eyes closed while the girl gasped,

"I shouldn't, it's not prudent…" Her eyes opened and gazed adoringly, "…but I don't care, I love you too!"

The sight of his son and the insufferable Weasley girl in a torrid embrace caused a muscle in Snape's cheek to spasm uncontrollably. He ordered,

"Cease that inappropriate display at once!"

They ignored him, using tongues in a manner that shocked and delighted their voyeuristic classmates. Physically attempting to drag the boy away from his 'love' failed as well- the girl was fastened onto him like a leech. Raising his wand in preparation to 'Stupefy', Severus froze in horror when his son pleaded while raining kisses over the Gryffindor's face,

"Run away with me, and I'll ensnare your senses in ways you've only dreamt of."

Clutching the boy's shoulders, Athena gasped, "Oh Merlin, yes, _yes_!"

Mind reeling at the thought, the man shouted,

"Stupefy!"

* * *

"Severus, wake up, _Severus!"_

Bolting upright, the wizard raked his hair back and tried to regain his composure.

"Bad dream again?"

He laughed mirthlessly,

"Yes, unless you think our son vowing undying love to the daughter of Weasley and Granger is a dream come true."

She stifled laughter. Calm once more, he arched an eyebrow,

"If you are through amusing yourself at my expense, we should get ready for our appointment."

Lorelei tried to sit up and hug him, but the babe made a full embrace impossible. She squeezed his shoulders. Against his back, the babe gave a kick. Severus acknowledged ruefully that it didn't matter if he had a boy or girl- either would no doubt give him more gray hair.

After the routine Saturday appointment, Midwitch Leach smiled and said,

"The baby's in position, all that's left is the wait."

He and his wife exchanged glances. They were weary of waiting. Penelope asked,

"Do you have the nursery set up?"

He and Lorelei traded looks once more. As the more accomplished bluffer, he replied,

"We're not quite finished."

On the way back to Hogwarts, he pointed out reasonably, when his wife stopped to stare longingly into Honeydukes' window,

"We both work, we keep busy, the nursery hasn't been a top priority."

Logic was of no use. She started to cry,

"I've not had the baby yet, and already I'm a horrible mother. The books claim that I'm supposed to want to build a nest, feather a nest, some bloody kind of nesting urge. What if our child knows the nursery isn't ready and refuses to be born because of it?"

Realizing that the reply of 'the baby knows nothing of the sort, and you're suffering from hormonal irrationality' would not be well received, Severus slipped an arm around his wife and promised,

"The moment we return, I'll round up some help, and we'll get the nursery done."

A voice behind them said,

"Professor Snape, I couldn't help but overhear. You need help with something?"

Turning to see Malfoy and the young woman who had prudently chosen not to take History of Magic this term, Severus nodded.

"Yes, we…" He broke off to frown at the young woman, "I didn't see your name on the list of students who were staying over Easter Holiday, Ms. Weasley."

Lorelei burst into a fresh round of tears,

"Oh no, I forgot to add her to the list?"

Draco looked alarmed by the display of emotion, but Ginny was unfazed,

"That's alright." She confided, "I'm ace with painting spells, never having a house elf. I'd love to help decorate the nursery." Giving her companion an adoring smile, she added, "Draco's a brilliant artist. Do you remember the Slytherin carvings that won the Great Pumpkin contest two years running? Those were his drawings."

"I remember the Celtic animals for each House!" All trace of tears gone, Lorelei enthused, "Celtic knotwork would make a perfect border around the walls, and if you could draw and paint some animals too…"

The blond hurriedly assured,

"Yes, I..." He smirked at his companion, "…and my lovely assistant, would be happy to help." Checking the time, Draco suggested, "Meet at your quarters in an hour?"

Lorelei was getting misty eyed again. Snape quickly agreed,

"That will be fine. Thank you both."

Hugging his arm after the young couple had moved on, the siren enthused,

"This is going to be so much fun!"

Several hours later, putting together the family cot Marina had inconsiderately disassembled before storing; the wizard contemplated the chaos in his quarters and grumbled to himself,

"Are we having fun yet?"

Standing in the doorway connecting the lounge and nursery, Draco replied,

"I'm enjoying myself, actually. I haven't done much drawing, between teaching, Malfoy Enterprises and…"

Severus was amused by the young man's halted speech, drawling,

"Yes, _and_ must keep you quite busy."

Tilting his head back toward the newly painted walls in the baby's room, white-blond brows lifted and fell roguishly,

"Yes, she does." Changing the subject, he smiled, "If I do say so myself, the room is spectacular. I couldn't quite envision the Celtic knotwork border with an aquatic theme, but it works."

A final spell completed the cot. Stretching cramped muscles- baby furniture and gear required so many fiddly spells to assemble- Severus echoed,

"Aquatic theme? I thought you were painting Celtic animals?"

Grey eyes slid away from probing dark ones.

"Seals are animals, aren't they?"

_Seals? _In a few strides, Snape had entered the nursery. It was…enchanting. The knotwork border, the walls painted in colors of the sea, with seals swimming in the waves along with other marine life. In a far corner, Ginny and Lorelei were giggling over some painting behind the antique rocking chair. He took a closer look and demanded,

"What in Merlin's name possessed you to have that painted?"

On the side wall, where his child would stare every night before being rocked to sleep, was a painting of a mermaid sitting on a rock that jutted out of the sea. A Kraken hovered behind her. It was a good rendition of a drawing that Lorelei had confiscated from a student years ago.

"I think it's beautiful."

Sparing the sighing Ms. Weasley one warning glance, he stared pointedly at his wife, who gestured,

"Look, darling, the Mermaid's spiraled hair is now covering her…front…"

So it should. This was an innocent child's room. He shook his head,

"I will not have my child worrying that a monster is going to eat his mermaid mother."

"But Severus, the Kraken's different now!"

He stepped closer, studying the painted image. Malfoy was indeed talented. The wizard had kept the Kraken's features the same, but softened them, made it more of an interesting sea creature than a monster. Instead of looming ominously, the creature appeared to be climbing onto the rock with the suggestion of a smile. A dark brow rose,

"When our child asks what the Kraken is doing, what will you say?"

Lorelei moved closer and reached up to kiss his cheek,

"I'll say that he's going to kiss the mermaid, because he loves her." Sitting in the chair, she began to rock, "Merlin knows that painting is going to make this mermaid want to kiss her Kraken after viewing it for long periods of time."

The redhead picked up a wand lying on the dresser,

"I think I'll go give this to Draco, ask if there's any more spell work he needs to do."

She rushed out. The man looking around the transformed space said dryly,

"You've frightened that child with the mental image."

Pointing to white and red sea snakes twining together on a nearby wall, Lorelei held out a hand to be pulled out of the chair and chuckled,

"Inspired, more like." Walking to the space before the wall of seals, she spread her arms and said, "The cot goes here. What do you think?"

He smirked,

"I think you need to go swimming."

The younger couple regretfully declined the invitation to join them. Ms. Weasley's twin brothers were meeting them at the Three Broomsticks in a short while for dinner. Thanking the pair once more for sharing their talents and time, Lorelei admitted when they'd gone,

"I don't think I could bear looking like a whale in comparison to Ginny anyway. Is that vain?"

"Yes. It's also very Slytherin, which I admire."

Heading into their bedroom, his wife opened a drawer to pull out a maternity suit. She smiled ruefully,

"Black, as though the color could _hope_ to visually diminish this belly."

Unwilling to trigger tears or anger, Snape withheld comment. He pulled on a pair of black trunks, smiling when she said,

"On you, black is sexy."

Taking an underground passage to the side of the lake inaccessible to students, they emerged onto a small, sandy beach. Spreading out a blanket, they performed warming charms and headed into the water. Severus swam parallel to his buoyant wife, eyes scanning the water. A strange bird call echoed across the lake. The wizard began to tread water. Lorelei stopped swimming and remained afloat by siren magic. She noticed his wary expression and began looking around,

"What is it? What are you…"

The giant squid burst from the water behind the woman and waggled tentacles around her. She shrieked, and then shrieked with laughter,

"Merlin, Hoggie is so mischievous! Reaching out to tap a tentacle, she scolded, "Naughty squid, scaring me like that!" Seeing his fixed stare, Lorelei swam over and wrapped her arms around him, "Were you startled too? Let me hold you up for a few moments." Sliding her lips across his cheek to his mouth, she kissed him tenderly. He repeated,

"Hoggie?"

"Oh, Harry told me that he learned the squid's name when he talked to her during that Tri-Wizard tournament. She smiled brightly, "It's like Loch Ness. They have Nessie, and Hogwarts has Hoggie."

He tried not to do it, but the emotion burst forth like the giant squid. Severus laughed until his sides hurt and he was grateful to be kept from drowning. The dark sound didn't make flocks of birds take flight, but it did startle the squid into submerging once more. Lorelei laughed to hear him laugh, asking when he could contain himself,

"What's so funny?"

Gently, he broke the news,

"Potter is only a parselmouth. He cannot communicate with squid."

"He was having me on?"

Nodding, he tried to cheer,

"You are not the first to fall for the fallacy. Malfoy did as well."

Smiling sheepishly, Lorelei said,

"It's a good story."

They returned to shore and rested awhile before returning to their quarters. At dinner that evening, Severus heard Hagrid ask Lorelei in his booming voice how she was feeling at least a dozen times. The wizard pursed his lips and shook his head upon seeing her cheerful smile. After his wife retired from the chamber, the Potions Master left as well. Hagrid followed. In the staff corridor, the half-giant rumbled,

"I thought fer sure tha' a scare by the squid would start labor. Works like a charm wi' other creatures. Right sorry, I am."

Closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose, Snape exhaled slowly before saying,

"Don't apologize. I agreed to the experiment because the reasoning seemed sound. I appreciate the thought."

Shaking the enormous hand, the wizard returned to his chambers. His wife was standing in the nursery. Her eyes were large and frightened,

"This room is ready, but are we ready to be parents?"

She wanted reassurance. Thanks to Remus, he was prepared to give it,

"I don't know if we'll ever be _ready_." He caressed her cheek and said, "I think we'll have to trust that love, and inner strength will make us the parents our child deserves."

Taking his hand and pressing a kiss to the palm, she smiled,

"Thank you for that, and for conspiring with Hagrid to scare me into labor. I thought it might've worked, but the contractions were warm up ones, not the real thing."

"You knew?"

"Not until dinner, when you looked chagrined, and Rubeus seemed so disappointed that my water didn't break at the table."

He gave a rueful half-smile. Lorelei gave him a sultry look and pulled him through the doorway, across the lounge, and into their bedroom. Severus halted just inside. One wall had been transformed into a mirror. His wife said huskily,

"I know another way that's supposed to bring on labor."

She unbuttoned his shirt. His lips parted in a smile that was becoming less rare,

"As I demonstrated before, I'm more than willing to try anything."

* * *

A/N: Have to give overdue props for **cupcakeswirl** for the inspiring the baby shower betting. Should've done it last chap, but D'oh! I forgot. I'm so embarrassed! In the young Snape/Athena dream, anyone who was reminded of another scene, in _Willow, _is very perceptive! LOL Next chap, you find out who wins the bet, Sybil or Minerva! 


	12. Oh Baby!

Disclaimer: No rights to the series, just the privilege of writing a story that we'll probably never find in the series- Snape with a wife and baby!

* * *

Don't Call Me Daddy

Chapter 12- Oh Baby!

He never thought he'd actually look forward to teaching dunderheads again. Sitting in his office, scanning the lesson plans his wife had compiled, an ironic smile curved Severus' mouth. During an exam the afternoon before, the midwitch had cheerfully informed them that Lorelei's blood-tinged discharge was a sign that labor would soon begin. They had been elated, and promptly returned to their quarters to try and aid nature by releasing needed hormones in a pleasurable manner. Contractions were the only things not stimulated. His smile became reminiscent.

A knock on his door caused adrenaline to surge, but Snape calmly directed,

"Enter"

Remus Lupin called,

"Would you mind opening the door? I've got my hands full."

A bizarre mental image of the wizard holding his newborn child caused the Potions Master to quickly move to open the door. He was inwardly relieved to see that the man held only two coffee mugs and a basket of muffins in his hands.

"Here, this one's for you."

Taking the mug offered, Severus returned to his desk. Looking over the basket's contents, he chose a pumpkin muffin and asked,

"It's Sunday morning. Why are you up so early and what brings you to my office?"

"Beware of werewolves bearing breakfast, is that it?"

The man's wolfish smile elicited one of reluctant amusement,

"No, just wondering what my wife's been telling your partner."

Remus took a sip of coffee before replying,

"Lorelei showed up with an urn of coffee a half hour ago. She shared what the midwitch said and asked Tonks to come help make sure everything was in order for the baby." Chuckling, he added, "I was delegated the important task of making sure you had proper nourishment."

"Humph. Afraid I'd faint during labor, was she?"

The good-natured face contorted with the effort not to laugh,

"A lot of men aren't fond of the sight of blood."

"It's not the sight; it's the coppery smell I have trouble with."

When Remus' face turned solemn, the premature lines were more apparent,

"As you can imagine, neither the sight nor aroma of blood discomforts me. In your case, can't you use a potion to dull your sense of smell?"

A piece of muffin dropped from Severus' fingers. Why hadn't he thought of that? Standing, he headed for the door,

"I've just the potion in my laboratory. You might as well come along. My latest Wolfsbane trial is ready for testing."

In the private lab, the Potions Master strode to the hidden stasis chamber and made short work of retrieving an olfactory inhibiting solution. Placing the small vial into his pocket, he turned to Lupin. The wizard was gazing at the simmering cauldron with unconcealed longing. Snape realized that the results of this trial would tremendously affect the other man. He was momentarily tempted to claim that he'd made an error, that the potion wasn't ready, but rejected the craven impulse. Severus moved past Remus to stir the potion. A hand was briefly placed on his shoulder,

"Whatever the result, I want you to know that I appreciate your efforts, and count myself fortunate to be your friend."

Gryffindors- always making bold statements… Half turning, he met the sincere brown gaze and nodded,

"Thank you, my friend."

Ladling the Wolfsbane into a goblet, Snape watched intently for a sign that the solution was effective. One thin tendril of vapor materialized. He held his breath. The steam dissipated. Severus threw the goblet against the wall and pointed his wand at the cauldron.

"Don't do that." Remus commanded.

Whirling to glare, the Potions Master snapped,

"Why not? In case you failed to realize it, Lupin, the potion was yet another miserable failure."

"Have you ever had vapor appear before?"

Staring at the werewolf, he admitted,

"No"

Remus' face shone with hope. Severus mentally catalogued the results for future study, experiencing a rare feeling of optimism. Tonks burst into the room, startling the men by gasping,

"Lorelei's contractions are five minutes apart, but she won't stop walking around this bloody castle!"

The expectant father remembered Lorelei admitting to a back ache earlier. Why had she not confessed that it was accompanied by contractions? The expression on his face caused Tonks to take a step back. He demanded,

"Where is she?"

"Erm…main corridor, heading toward the kitchen…"

Severus hurried out. Without black robes billowing, students seemed to find his appearance less intimidating. The few that walked the corridors gaped rudely instead of scrambling out of his way. Taking off House points for loitering, long strides quickly brought him to the kitchen, where the house elves were trying to talk sense into his wife.

"When the midwitch is saying yes, then Lorelei is having something to eat or drink."

The wizard was surprised to hear Winky, of all elves, deny someone a drink. His wife said in a tone that beguiled,

"_Winky, you want to bring me…"_

His hand covered her mouth, preventing misuse of the Irresistible Voice to compel the elf. Snape scolded the woman pulled back against his chest,

"You consider that defense? Winky wasn't threatening you with starvation!"

For a heavily pregnant woman, Lorelei was surprisingly hard to keep hold of. She protested in a voice muffled by his hand,

"…et…e…o…ou…ully!"

He stifled a laugh. A bully, was he?

"Promise to behave?"

She nodded. He let go and stepped back. Lorelei spun around,

"I'm not hungry…much…I'm thirsty! Can't I have a goblet of water?" Her lips trembled.

Severus observed the shadow of pain in her eyes. He pointed to an elf and ordered,

"You...conjure a cup of ice chips, _now."_

He took the ice and offered it to his wife. She said through her teeth,

"In…just a couple minutes…love."

Slender hands were clutching the edge of a worktable. He touched her abdomen. It felt strange, hard. He clipped,

"Contractions…duration and length between…"

"Oh, over a minute, and two or three minutes apart…"

He gazed at her steadily while she sucked on an ice chip. Lorelei asked with feigned confusion,

"What?"

"Don't you think it's time we contacted Penelope?"

Breathing through another contraction, she reluctantly nodded. Tonks and Lupin entered the kitchen. He instructed,

"Escort her to our quarters. I'll go on ahead and contact the midwitch."

The moment Remus nodded, he left. In the corridor, the Potions Master walked faster and faster until he was jogging. Approaching the dungeon stairway, he heard a voice drawl,

"The unflappable Professor Snape running in the corridors, does this mean the baby's coming?"

He spared a moment to inform,

"Yes, Professor Malfoy, it does."

Severus used the fire in his quarters to contact Midwitch Leach. She listened to his description of Lorelei's contractions and smiled,

"She's speaking through them? Excellent, everything seems to be going as nature intended. Lorelei's in active labor." Penelope went on to say with a slight laugh, "I was just about to contact you, as it happens. My eldest grandaughter is having complications with her delivery in the Outer Hebrides, and I'm just about to Apparate."

The wizard protested,

"You can't. I don't care if that damned childbirth class said babies practically deliver themselves. This one bloody well won't!"

Smiling mischievously in a way that showed a glimpse of the girl named 'Penny' inside the capable professional, the midwitch placated,

"Of course not, I'm sending a colleague. He's eminently capable and will be there within minutes. I look forward to seeing the baby once I return. Goodbye, Professor."

Her head disappeared from the fire before he could verbally flame the midwitch for being so cavalier with his wife and child's wellbeing. Snape made an effort to cease grinding his teeth when his wife entered with Tonks and Remus. She took one look at his carefully blank face and cried,

"What's wrong?"

Severus began,

"Midwitch Leach was called away, and is sending…"

"…me to assist in her stead." The man standing in the doorway smiled at their incredulity. Blue eyes gleaming with amusement, he asked, "You don't mind, do you?"

Lorelei held onto a bookshelf while panting,

"Orlando! Of course not, come in!"

The Fae had tied back his long white-blond hair. Murmuring a sterilizing spell, he strode toward his patient, smiling,

"Let's get you into the bedroom and see how labor's progressing."

Lorelei's water broke. Tonks said in a high, thin voice,

"It's progressing."

His wife held onto his arm while they entered the bedchamber. Severus said dryly to the waiting couple,

"Make yourselves at home." Before closing the door, he added, "You might want to inform the Headmaster, and Lorelei's mother." They nodded. His lips curved, "Thank you." When he turned, the wizard was shocked to see the bed already transfigured and prepped for delivery. Everything was happening entirely too fast. He utilized a sterilizing spell of his own while crossing to sit beside the bed and demand,

"Why didn't you tell me the instant you felt the first contraction?"

Beneath the sheet that his wife claimed unnecessary, but he insisted on for modesty, her belly tightened in another prolonged contraction. She tried to smile, and it made him feel lower than a flobberworm.

"You…worry too much. I…knew…you would try and keep me in bed…so…I waited."

After examining the area Severus felt particularly possessive about, the handsome Healer beamed,

"Your cervix is almost fully dilated, so a pain relief spell will not interfere with labor at this time."

Laughing shakily, the expectant mother said,

"Good, because those breathing techniques aren't all that class claimed, old friend, and I'm starting to feel some really serious pain."

Severus scowled,

"Don't just stand there, man, perform it immediately!"

The Fae nodded, lips quirking while he placed his hands on her abdomen, chanting. Lorelei's face lost its tenseness. Her husband squeezed her hand gently,

"How do you feel?" He scrutinized her face for the answer.

She smiled radiantly,

"I can feel the contractions, like a faint, dull ache, but the 'I can't take this any longer and may begin screaming' feeling is gone."

Dark brows contracted. Labor was aptly named. Time passed in a series of ever strengthening contractions. Severus noticed the Healer looking over the supplies gathered on a table nearby. Orlando smiled when the door opened and Madam Pomfrey entered waving her wand in yet another sterilizing spell.

"Hello, Poppy, I was hoping you'd get here before the baby moved entirely through the birth canal."

The mediwitch's usual brisk manner was conspicuously absent,

"I came at the precise time you stated, Orlando." Noticing Snape's incredulous and Lorelei's interested expression, Pomfrey explained, "We've all known each other for ages." Adopting a more professional tone, she asked, "Lorelei, how are you doing, dear. Any desire to push?"

"I feel like I could do anything, even have this child!" The laboring woman declared.

Severus snapped,

"Now?"

Lorelei nodded, reaching for his hand.

"Will you be there for the baby?"

He knew that she meant to 'catch' the baby as he'd practiced during childbirth class, but the words struck him in another way. Severus kissed her hand tenderly,

"Always"

Encouraging his wife to push, telling her about the babe's hair- black and lots of it, and finally, holding the beautiful, slimy, bloody little body of his child transformed fatherhood from a concept to a reality. Hearing the first cry, feeling the incredible warmth of indescribably soft skin, staring down into the tiny face he'd waited to see for so long- it was magical.

"Would you like to cut your son's umbilical cord?"

Unaccustomed moisture caused the new father's eyes to sheen while he shook his head. Meeting Lorelei's euphoric gaze, he repeated wonderingly,

"We have a son."

Her joyous laughter startled the infant, whose little lips trembled piteously. Severus transferred the child to her chest, watching her marvel over the miniscule fingers, the head of black hair, and newborn skin. He kissed her tenderly and reached out to stroke the tiny back with the tip of a finger, thinking, _I have a son._

Severus knew, rationally, that if they'd had a girl, he would've been just as entranced by the life he and Lorelei had created together. His heart, unconstrained by logic, insisted that he'd been blessed with the opportunity to be the father he'd always wanted to his own son and heal his soul. Thin, clever lips pressed together to contain the emotions that swelled.

"I love him so much!"

Lorelei's choked voice echoed his thoughts. He caressed her cheek, leaning forward to whisper,

"You and our child are gifts that I do not deserve, but will forever cherish."

She broke down into happy tears. Their son frowned and whimpered. Madam Pomfrey said briskly,

"I'll bring your little one back once Orlando and I have finished the necessary procedures."

Restraining the impulse to urge haste and utmost care with his child, Severus asked his wife,

"Is there anything I can get you?"

She pushed back a long, sweaty spiral of hair and laughed,

"Yes, a goblet of water!"

After the Healer and mediwitch looked after both child and mother, the Fae swiftly transformed the birthing room back into a bedchamber while Poppy escorted the new mother into the bathroom. When the women returned, Lorelei was dressed in a nursing gown and smiling,

"Thank Merlin for cleansing spells!"

He helped her into the bed, propping pillows before transferring their son from Orlando's arms to hers. Newborn blue eyes blinked while the little face turned instinctively toward his mother's breast. Severus knew Lorelei's awed expression was reflected on his face as he watched their son nurse. Long masculine fingers reached out to hold a tiny foot. Minute toes tried to curl around his finger. Proud parents exchanged a smile. Time passed, and mother and child grew sleepy. Lorelei murmured,

"Why don't you go tell everyone the happy news?"

The tired, contented wizard frowned,

"Who's _everyone?"_

An exhausted giggle escaped,

"Everyone waiting in our lounge, of course… Orlando put a sound-proofing spell on our room, so we haven't heard them, but I'm sure the castle has had to expand our quarters several times over to hold our family and friends." She bent and pressed a soft kiss to downy black hair, "The seventh first son in the Snape family." Straightening, she kissed him lingeringly and placed the babe in his arms, "Go. Let them meet our son."

Wrapped in a blanket, looking quietly alert, the child also looked too young to be subjected to a crowd of well-wishers.

"Don't worry, I've bespelled the lounge as well. No germs will harm your little one."

Orlando's amused statement earned a scowl. Poppy gasped,

"Stop doing that, he's imitating you!"

Sure enough, tiny lips had turned down. Lorelei giggled. Severus' rare smile broke free. The little mouth turned up at the corners. Nodding to the Healer, who crossed the room to open the door, the wizard turned to his beaming wife and said,

"Do I _have_ to say his middle name?"

"Yes!"

Controlling his expression lest the first glimpse of his sneering son cause Tonks or others to faint, Severus strode out into the lounge and came to an abrupt halt. A party was going on. Mixed groups stood or sat talking, eating and drinking. Staff chatted with sirens and in one corner where a professor sat with a redhead by his side, a student. House elves were conversing with a broad, short man with a hearty laugh. Snape lifted an eyebrow at the Healer in imperious query,

"You invited _Gimli_?" He turned when a woman's hearty voice said,

"No, I did, but Gimli's promised to give Orlando a rematch at darts."

_Sprout _had invited the man? A master gardener and a Herbology professor…hmm… He turned to the Fae. Orlando shifted uncomfortably under Severus' stare, muttering defensively,

"I beat him at the drinking game."

Nearby, Marina, Jean Luc, Tonks and Remus heard his voice and rushed over. The new grandmother cooed,

"Oh, aren't you the most beautiful, amazing baby ever!"

Crass persons may have credited gas for his son's smile, but Severus knew differently. He really _was_ the most beautiful, amazing baby ever. The siren's exclamation riveted everyone in the room. People moved forward, craning their necks for a glimpse. Stepping back and lifting the infant slightly, his lips curved,

"It is my pleasure to introduce _Septimus Aragorn Snape_."

In the back, Sybil's eyes behind her magnified glasses bulged. She trilled,

"Oh my gods, I…I actually divined it correctly!" Turning to the purse-lipped woman beside her, she exulted, "I won the bet!"

A rueful smile crossed Minerva's face,

"Congratulations. Enjoy casting my love horoscope." Raising the glass of champagne Dobby offered from one of the trays now passing around the chamber, the venerable witch toasted,

"To the newest member of the Snape, and Hogwarts' family."

Albus lifted his glass and added,

"May Septimus grow strong, surrounded by love."

* * *

A/N: Thanks to all wonderful reviewers for the baby input. I'd already determined baby would be a boy (couldn't resist the LOTR middle name!) but I couldn't decide who to make the winner of the bet! I read that babies a few hours old could imitate facial expressions- a test was done with sticking out a tongue, lol- and decided Septimus, of course, is so exceptional he could do it immediately. Special thanks to **FNP **for mentioning the drinking game in review and inspiring Orlando's return. :D 


	13. Sleep Deprivation

Disclaimer: No right, just responsibility- to keep Snape in character while he's experiencing life events that aren't dreamt of in Jo's philosophy of him.

* * *

Don't Call Me Daddy

Chapter 13- Sleep Deprivation

A faint sound nudged Severus toward consciousness. It started in low, and then it began to grow. Within moments, his son's soft cry became a wail for attention. Jackknifing to an upright position in bed, Septimus' jolted-awake father reassured,

"I'm coming."

Padding over to the bassinet, Snape pushed back long black strands and then muttered a sanitization spell for his hands before attending to his son. Lorelei had joked the previous evening that in the last three days, he'd used the spell so frequently that if he kept it up, their child would think it was his name. Severus tolerated the levity at his expense. His wife was undoubtedly giddy due to lack of sleep. The unprecedented amount of smiles that curved the wizard's lips was attributed to sleep deprivation also.

Swiftly changing the infant's nappy whilst remembering to point a certain part down to prevent being squirted _again_, the man gazed at his son and marveled at his alertness. In the dim light, round little eyes focused intently on his face. Adult masculine lips turned up at the corners. Infant ones did likewise. The new father gently picked up the boy who was now smacking tiny lips. Cradling Septimus against his shoulder, Severus turned to the bed. He stared in shock.

Sitting up, Lorelei was gazing down at her chest with a horrified expression.

"Oh my gods, what's wrong with them?"

Unaccountably, he laughed. Prudently cutting off the misplaced humor after seeing his wife's lips turning down in the same way their baby's was currently doing, he said with as much equanimity possible,

"Your milk's come in."

She snapped,

"Well I didn't think the breast fairy had paid a visit." Unappreciative of the heroic way he repressed amusement, Lorelei pulled down a nursing flap and wailed, "Bloody hell, they're huge! How much is Ari supposed to drink? Liters?"

His bark of laughter brought a reluctant smile. Holding out her arms for the baby, the mother took the now fretful child and began to nurse him. Sitting on the bed, rubbing his thumb over the sole of a tiny foot, Severus repeated,

"Ari?"

Fine eyes bestowed an entreating look,

"It's short for Aragorn. I'll call the baby Septimus in public, but babies need nicknames."

He arched a brow,

"The way children need pets?"

His sardonic tone was disregarded. The siren beamed,

"Yes, exactly!"

Ari…_Septimus_…made a spluttering sound. Lorelei looked down and gasped,

"Good gods, it's like he's drinking from a Muggle fire hose! What should I do?"

Noting that the other side had let down, Severus disengaged his protesting son from the left breast and transferred him to the right, nodding,

"There, that's better."

They shared a smile over the transformation from frantic rooting to content nursing. After their son had fallen asleep, Snape carried him back to his bassinet. Lorelei's wry smile when he followed her into the bathroom and watched her remove the soaked nursing gown changed into a peal of laughter when he imitated her cousin Dickie and smirked,

"I want to touch Lorelei's gi-normous…"

* * *

By the end of the first week at home with his wife and child, Severus had fallen into a routine. During the day, he kept friends and family from over-stimulating the baby. He also shared in Septimus' care, although nappy changes were oft times preceded by use of the olfactory inhibitor. At night, he took turns getting up to tend the baby. After the first few days of adrenaline induced energy, he found himself taking naps along with Lorelei and the babe. Sleep had become a commodity more precious than gold and more savored than firewhisky. Even so, at least once a day the new father would carry his son into the lounge and hold him while sitting in a cushy chair. During the moments of mutual contemplation, Snape felt that he and Septimus were forming a unique bond. 

Friday evening, after their child had been changed and fed, Severus decided it was time to show Lorelei his and Septimus' favorite game. Sitting on the sofa with the infant propped in his hands, the wizard told his wife,

"Watch closely"

Bending down until his face was in optimal viewing range, the man raised his eyebrows. Septimus copied the action. Lorelei gushed,

"Oh Severus, that's adorable!" Leaning over, she gooed, "You're clever like daddy, aren't you, Ari? Yes you are you beautiful, amazing, baby boy."

The child's lips turned up like his doting mother's. His devoted father's turned down. After a moment, tiny lips followed suit. Lorelei laughed nervously,

"Heh…Look at that, Ari's doing it again." When Severus continued to stare impassively at her, she muttered, "I know, I know, don't call you daddy." Kissing downy black hair that retained its newborn fullness, the Siren stood and huffed, "Fine, have our son introduce us to his little friends as mum and _Father_!"

Her flounce out of the room was halted by a piercing cry. The babe had attempted sucking on his fist and found it lacking. His little face was red. Lips trembling more than her son's, Lorelei returned to lift the boy. For the first time since Septimus had been born, she retreated into the nursery to feed the infant. For several minutes, Severus attempted to read a text he had placed on a lounge table in the ludicrously optimistic hope that he would have spare time to read it. His mind refused to comprehend the words. He could only think of the two sequestered in the other room. Finally, he tossed down the text and strode toward the nursery. Halting in the doorway, he asked,

"When did the paintings become enchanted?"

Around the room, seals played, rainbow fish swam in schools, sea snakes entwined, and a Kraken climbed onto a rock to kiss a mermaid. Wiping her cheeks with shaky fingertips, Lorelei replied huskily,

"Albus did it while waiting for Septimus to arrive, for a present."

"Ah"

He walked into the room, watching silently as his wife lovingly tended their child. Switching the infant boy to the other breast, she resumed staring at the wall where the Kraken was now playing with the mermaid's hair. Crossing his arms, Severus broke the tense silence by admitting,

"I don't have pleasant memories associated with the term 'daddy'."

Lorelei's face immediately turned, full of sympathy,

"No?"

A brief, bitter smile played across the wizard's mouth. Stepping closer, he shook his head.

"I made the mistake of calling my father that once."

Her expression became tender. Severus knew that she had forgotten her own hurt in the need to understand and comfort him. It was yet another gift he didn't deserve but cherished. Kneeling beside the rocker, he glanced up into liquid dark eyes before focusing on those of his son. Septimus' were closed. The little mouth became slack before abruptly latching on once more. Reaching to hold a tiny, clenched fist, Snape began,

"My mother kept me out of my father's way, except before bedtime, when I would be taken up to his study. After making us wait until he finished with whatever paper or artifact took precedence, Sebastian would acknowledge me with a question or two and then send me off to bed." His fingers began stroking the babe's arm.

"That sounds Victorian."

His laugh was short and humorless.

"Yes, Adolphus Sebastian Snape believed that children should be seen and not heard."

"Then he was the ass, not you."

Half-smiling, Severus reminded,

"My name is Alexander Severus Snape, and unfortunately, I too can be an ass." A quick look showed that Lorelei was about to object. An upraised brow stifled her protest. He said ruefully, "I demonstrated character flaws incontrovertibly tonight. Stubborn pride and a tendency to lash out- just like my father."

"You're nothing like your father!"

He clasped her hand and brought it to his lips. Holding tight to her fingers and her love, Severus continued with his explanation,

"My father made an important discovery, the remains of a Roman villa, when I was four. A representative of the Wizarding Archeological Society came to register his claim. My mother, unaware of the man's presence, brought me to the study at the customary time." Unable to hold her gaze, his dropped to infant feet ensconced in the exact pair of booties he'd once carried in his pocket. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, although his words were not humorous. "I had made a momentous discovery of my own that day. A four leaf clover… I rushed into the study with my find, holding it out and calling in childish enthusiasm, 'look at this, daddy!' Her fingers gently squeezed his. Tonelessly, he finished, "My father curtly ordered me out of his sight. Later, I was…severely disciplined…for embarrassing him in front of a distinguished guest and warned that a repetition would warrant even harsher punishment."

"I'm so sorry."

Her voice was thick with tears. Nodding stiffly, he took the sleeping baby and said gruffly,

"I'll put him back in bed."

The warm, soft weight of his son eased the tightness in his throat and chest. Placing Septimus on his back in the bassinet, the father bent and brushed his lips across a rounded cheek. Straightening, he turned to see Lorelei disrobing. She began unfastening the buttons on his shirt. Noting his arched brow, she said lovingly.

"The books say skin to skin comforts best."

He wasn't an infant, but he was comforted nonetheless. Lying in the darkness, Severus whispered, "I would not object to being called 'dad'." Her arms tightened around him, and for a record three hours, the Snape family slept.

* * *

The end of Easter Holiday brought an end to the Potions Master's idyll with his wife and child. If his nights were not broken by Septimus' numerous awakenings, the professor might've had enough energy to take his displeasure out on his students. As it was, he merely directed the fourth year Hufflepuffs looking as though they had no fond memories of their time in his class during first year, 

"You will find the directions on the board and the ingredients in the cupboard. Begin."

Sitting at the desk perusing the notes his wife had jotted next to student marks, thin lips quirked. Even the worst students had comments phrased in uplifting ways. One example in particular caught his eye. Sardonically amused, he read, "F. Gump inadvertently drank a beaker of Wit-Sharpening potion, to no effect. Next year, he'll have to take a less exacting course. I'll miss Forrest's sunny attitude and his charming turns of phrase. My favorite is 'You and Professor Snape go together like peas and carrots'."

The sound of a throat being nervously cleared brought the wizard's attention to a girl at a table in the front. He frowned at her.

"Yes?"

She gulped and said,

"Uhm…Headmaster Dumbledore announced at the Feast that Professor Lorelei had a boy. Do…do you have any pictures?"

The rest of the class hushed expectantly. Normally, Snape would've deducted house points for unwanted interest in his personal affairs. Blinking eyes that burned from insufficient rest, the professor decided to be magnanimous. Taking the latest picture of Septimus out of his pocket, he used a projection charm to enlarge and manifest the image on a side wall. Students turned to watch the incredibly handsome infant raise and lower miniscule brows, curve his mouth, and perform his newest feat- sticking out the tip of a tiny tongue. Across the room, a unanimous expression was heard.

_Awww…_

Disengaging the spell, Severus reminded, perhaps a bit more amiably than was his custom,

"If you expect credit for today's work, test flagons must be labeled and placed on my desk by the end of class."

In the back, a boy commented,

"Merlin, has Snape changed."

The professor's eyes fixed on the insolent youth. His lips curled in a sneer.

"Ten points from Hufflepuff for talking out of turn."

His mouth curved in satisfaction when another boy muttered,

"Or _not."_

* * *

By the end of his second week of full time teaching, Severus was heartily glad that his wife would resume her schedule next fall. He had grown accustomed to the level of competency and respect displayed by his advanced students. Most first through fifth years only took Potions because the course was required, and the difference in attitude showed. How Lorelei could take joy in transforming ineptitude into rudimentary skill and consider inspiring meager interest in potions a worthy challenge was beyond him. It must be her Persephone nature. 

Feeling like Hades looking forward to his wife returning to resume greeting new arrivals to the underworld, Snape dismissed his last class on Friday and strode quickly toward his quarters. Inside the lounge, Lorelei had removed the low center table and lay on her side playing with Septimus on a quilt. His wife wore a tank with shorts and had pulled her hair into a high ponytail. He frowned. She'd better not have been doing more of those crunching things she deemed necessary to regain tone. Health was more important than vanity. His son wore only a nappy. Taking off his teaching robes, Severus draped them over a chair and uttered a sterilizing spell. Feminine, bare toes nudged his thigh when the wizard knelt on the floor.

"Here's the oil. Our baby's been looking forward to his massage."

Raising a brow as he took the Siren Magic Baby Oil, thin lips curved in amusement.

"How do you know?"

Lorelei giggled, which spoiled her lofty explanation,

"Ari's been sticking out his tongue. He only does it for you, ergo he was communicating that he wanted dad to hurry home."

Unwilling to argue logic that was so gratifying, Severus nodded and poured a little oil into his hands. Rubbing to warm the oil and his skin, he looked into his son's eyes. They had darkened from newborn blue into midnight black and shone with intelligence. Pleased with the way Septimus grabbed at his hands, the father went through motions that had now become second nature. Starting beneath small ribs, he used two fingers in a firm, gentle slide down the right side of the rounded abdomen to the hip joint, tracing the letter 'I'. Next, he stroked across the baby'smiddle from the left to the right, making the long side of the letter 'L'. On the right side of the abdomen, Snape used a short, downward stroke to finish the 'L'.

The final letter the wizard traced was an upside down 'U'. On the left side of Septimus' stomach, the man stroked up from the baby's hipbone. He then moved his fingers across the top of the little belly before stroking down the right side. After he had traced the letters, Severus began massaging plump little arms, saying,

"The letters are for you to remember that I love you."

Rosebud lips turned up at the corners. He was amazed at how his son's smallest gestures tugged at his heart and created such a feeling of contentment. Even when Septimus began to fret, it made his father smile. Snape changed the baby and then handed him to Lorelei to nurse while he took a shower. Rinsing off the day's irritations along with the faint aroma of potions ingredients, he smiled when his wife joined him under the spray. While they were toweling off, he said silkily,

"Don't get dressed. I feel the need to demonstrate the complete range of my skills as a masseuse."

Moistening her lips, Lorelei replied huskily,

"As long as I get to return the favor…"

Severus agreed while he reached for a bottle of exotic oil. Turnabout _was_ fair play, after all.

* * *

A/N: Chapters are 'like a box of chocolates. You never know' what reference to a favorite story or film will be inside. One of the many perks of writing fanfiction... :D Will there ever be a chapter in this fic without said reference or a display of affection? Of course not! LOL Special thanks to **Queen of the Sacred Flames** for giving me the idea of having the paintings in the nursery be enchanted. What would I do without brilliant reviewers? I never want to find out! I found the baby massage at babycenter . com, and thought the I, L, U was so cute that I had to use it! 


	14. Makin' Whoopee

Disclaimer: To disclaim, or not to disclaim, that is the question. Eh, might as well. Not Jo, no rights, except the right to the pursuit of happiness, in writing this fic! Also, sadly I must admit to making an error in my author responses last week. I told **cupcakeswirl** and **NixiNox** that Severus would dream a little dream about his daughter this week- d'oh, it's not 'till chap 15! Lo siento mucho!

* * *

Don't Call Me Daddy

Chapter 14- Makin' Whoopee

After a month of teaching dunderheads, Snape was more thankful than ever for Fridays. Once the last flagon of shrinking solution had been tested, the Potions Master double checked the third years' marks for error- not that he'd ever made one- and placed the grade book in the desk drawer. Warding the classroom, his pace quickened as he neared the corridor leading to his private quarters.

Stepping through the portrait hole, stygian eyes narrowed. Lorelei and Septimus were not playing on the center rug, as was their habit. He hurried into the bedroom. In the dim light, he saw that Lorelei was asleep. Turning to the bassinet, his heart slammed against his chest. It was empty. Forcing himself not to panic, he retraced his steps and walked into the nursery. The cot was empty too. Running back, he shook his wife's shoulder, demanding to know,

"Where is Septimus? Where is our son?"

Pushing back disordered spirals, Lorelei sat up and said after covering a yawn,

"Albus came by for a visit, and saw how tired I was. He volunteered to watch the baby so I could take a short nap."

Septimus had been staying awake more during the day while still waking every 3-4 hours at night. Severus didn't blame his wife for being tired. She had insisted after the first few weeks that he not get up with the baby more than once a night. He couldn't argue the logic that he couldn't feed the baby, and needed to be rested in order to teach a full load of classes. Reluctantly, he had given in to her insistence, even if wasn't exactly gallant. Relieved to hear the explanation, Severus' tone gentled,

"I'll go to Albus' office and retrieve him."

Lorelei caressed his cheek. "May I have a kiss hello?"

His lips twitched at the corners, "You may have a kiss goodbye as well."

The feel of her body and mouth pressed tightly to his made Severus long to resume unrestricted relations. He found the reminder that only one more week was left to go simultaneously cheering and depressing. Warm, wet kisses were accompanied by a warm wetness spreading across his chest. Pulling away, Lorelei looked at the beside clock and gasped,

"Severus, I've been napping for over two hours! It's time for Septimus to nurse."

Taking off his milk stained teaching robes and shirt, he smirked,

"I never would've guessed."

Admiring the view as she stripped and swiftly dressed in a nursing bra, top and denims, he followed as she jogged toward the Headmaster's office. Students found the sight of teachers rushing through the corridors quite amusing- until he deducted house points. The gargoyles allowed entrance after he spat the asinine password 'Wonka's Whipple Scrumptious Fudgemallow Delight'. Inside the circular office, the white-haired wizard looked up from his desk and said genially,

"Good afternoon, Lorelei, Severus, is Slinky watching the baby?"

While his wife gaped, Snape asked in a deadly whisper,

"Where is Septimus?"

Standing, Dumbledore spread his hands,

"Minerva volunteered to take him back to you…she hasn't?"

Glaring, the younger man spoke through clenched teeth,

"No, she _hasn't."_

Blue eyes behind half moon glasses were worried, although Albus said lightly,

"Minerva must have enjoyed his company so much she lost track of time. Let us go and see."

The trio headed to the Transfiguration classroom. Inside, McGonagall's last class was changing porcupines into pincushions. The professor caught sight of them in the doorway and smiled as she neared,

"I must say, Septimus is a delightful child. I…"

"Where is he?"

Lorelei's carrying tone made students turn and crane their necks in hopes of seeing a drama unfold. Minerva stammered,

"Didn't…didn't Pomona return the baby? She offered to when I met her in the staff lounge."

A muscle beneath Severus' right eye began to spasm. Ignoring the tic, he grated,

"No"

Without another word, he led his wife away. He heard the professor dismiss class early. The clicking of sensible heels indicated McGonagall had joined their search for Septimus. In Greenhouse 5, Sprout looked up from demonstrating how to utilize kelp as fertilizer with a questioning expression. Snape jerked his head irritably. Pomona bustled forward, pulling off her gloves. Meeting him in the doorway, she exclaimed,

"What a healthy specimen young Snape is! I wish my seedlings thrived half so well."

Resolving grimly not to raise his voice, Severus asked with deceptive calm,

"What did you do with our son?"

Brown eyes widening, Pomona repeated,

"What did I do with him?" She looked at the four faces and said in a voice that could be heard throughout the greenhouse, "I gave the boy to Hagrid, of course, after a student ran up to me in the corridor and said that a few of the mandrakes had managed to share pots, if you know what I mean." From the stifled laughter, the students did and found the idea humorous. Snape did not. The woman shook her head, "He said he'd take the young 'un on a short walk and then deliver him safe and sound to his mother." Visibly upset, the woman twisted her patched hat between agitated fingers, bellowing to her students, "Enough gawking, you're dismissed, and I want a quarter scroll describing the types of seaweed used in fertilizer next class."

Severus and Lorelei were already hastening across the grounds to Hagrid's hut. Behind them, Sprout, McGonagall, and Dumbledore tried to keep pace. Nearing the round wooden structure, the worried father's blood ran cold when he heard,

"Now, now, no gulping yer food, young 'un, yer s'pposed to let me feed yeh!"

A wave of Snape's wand blasted the door open. Inside, Hagrid sat at the table attempting to feed a monstrous chick worms. The stench of the one room cottage made Severus' eyes water as he held his wand in a white knuckled grip and roared,

"Put down that damned, smelly jabberknoll and tell me who you handed my son off to!" When Hagrid's broad face displayed amazement, he continued darkly, "I know you passed him off like an unwanted dragon egg." Raising his voice for the benefit of the three other supposedly responsible adults, Severus condemned, "Just like everyone else in this bedlam masquerading as a school!"

Black beetle eyes gleamed with indignation, "Dragon eggs are never unwanted!"

Lorelei placed her hand on her husband's arm, saving the hairy oaf the hex he so richly deserved. She pleaded,

"Rubeus, Septimus is hungry, and I can't nurse him because I don't know where he is. Please, help us find him!"

Nodding eagerly, Hagrid said,

"I was jus' going to show Ari the jabberknoll chick after our walk when I met Malfoy coming back from the lake. He said he was going in ter the castle, so he'd take the baby back to yeh." Pulling his shaggy beard, he asked, "I done the righ' thing, didn' I?"

Curtly, Severus acknowledge,

"You did indeed." Exhaling sharply, he added, "My thanks."

Lorelei had already started running to the castle. He pushed past the little group watching on the steps and ran faster than he once had trying to catch Potter in mischief. Sprinting down the main corridor, they took the stairs at a reckless pace and burst into the lounge to find Draco advising the girl trying to console a wailing infant,

"Rock and sing to him again, Ginny- he seemed to like it before."

"That's because he wasn't hungry before." the redhead smiled. Her smile widened in relief when she saw Lorelei, "Oh, hello professors, we're so glad you're back. Ari's hungry."

Taking the screaming boy, the siren brought him over to his father, saying,

"Look, Severus, he's just fine. I'll feed him and then you can hold him, alright?"

He touched his son's soft hair and softer skin, reassuring himself that Septimus was unharmed. Nodding stiffly, he said,

"Alright"

She took the baby into the nursery. Before he could do more than thank the young couple for their assistance, Albus, Minerva, Pomona, and even the ridiculously named Rubeus were outside seeking entrance. Within moments, the professors…and student…were sharing their adventures in babysitting. Listening to the lively chatter, Severus muttered,

"I need a drink."

"Here you go." Draco handed him a tumbler of firewhisky, generously filled. Seeing the upraised eyebrows of his former Head of House, the handsome professor grinned, "I figured if I made you a drink, you wouldn't mind me having one as well."

A huff of amusement escaped. Hearing it, the blond said laughingly,

"The others just helped themselves."

It was true. Sprout had opened a bottle of wine and poured a glass for herself and Minerva while her male colleagues drank tankards of Lorelei's father's favorite ale from the Green Dragon. Miss Weasley sipped a butterbeer while entertaining the Headmaster with a story about her brothers' latest gag gift. Slinky, proving house elves knew everything, appeared with two trays of hors d'oeuvres. Handing one to Hagrid, the elf then offered the other to the rest of the guests. Draco chose Highland Pate on an oatcake, saying,

"I tried this during the labor party, its good."

Declining an appetizer, Severus replied dryly,

"I'm so pleased."

The surreal feeling engendered by watching all these people who had passed around his child like a Quaffle ended the moment his son was carried back into the room. Lorelei brought Septimus directly over, smiling as she transferred the sleepy infant into his arms,

"I don't think you'll have to worry about me soaking your shirt for awhile. Ari was hungry."

Choking on his oatcake after hearing that pronouncement, Malfoy excused himself and hurried to get another drink. Lorelei's soft laughter caused her son's lips to curve, even as her husband commented,

"I have repeatedly heard Septimus referred to as _Ari_." When fine, and falsely innocent eyes widened, he said, "I thought you were going to refer to our son as Septimus in public."

"Well…" she tried to evade, "Our quarters aren't public, and if someone…or several people…heard me call the baby 'Ari', is it really my fault if they do so too?" When he continued to gaze at her without replying, she shrugged, "Fine, it's my fault." Kissing the baby's cheek, Lorelei crooned, "It's the first thing you get to blame mum for, darling, your nickname." Reaching up to kiss her husband's cheek, she said huskily, "Why don't you go rock Septimus in the nursery? I'll tell everyone you two are father/son bonding."

She moved toward the lively group. He called her name. When Lorelei half turned, he said,

"I would not object to Septimus being called 'Ari'."

Her dazzling smile was worth the slight indignity his son would bear. Carrying Septimus into the nursery, the wizard shut the door and sank into the cushioned rocker. In the dim light, the baby's dark eyes studied his father's face intently. Severus' heart was tugged when rosebud lips parted and a soft 'Oooh' was heard. Self-mocking, he confessed to tiny listener,

"Your father, who formerly possessed nerves of steel, was panicked not knowing where you were. When you get older, if you play hide and seek in the shops, I may not survive the stress." Miniature eyebrows rose. Amused at the look of surprise, even though he knew Septimus thought it part of a game, Snape stuck out the tip of his tongue and chuckled when the baby did the same. When little eyelids began to close, Severus laid the child on his chest and began to rock. Time passed while father and son rocked back and forth until they both drifted off to sleep.

* * *

The day Lorelei had her postpartum checkup, Severus found himself humming. At first, he was unaware of the habit, until Minerva leaned over during lunch and asked, 

"Are you humming something?"

He had immediately scoffed,

"Of course not."

He'd realized at once that he'd inadvertently hummed the song running through his mind, 'Light My Fire' but had no plans to admit it. His colleague had not argued, although her look was filled with suspicion. Albus had chuckled, but other than winking, made no comment. During his last class, while the Potions Master recorded marks in his book, students tried the hair-raising solution on each other to test efficacy. The professor noticed a Gryffindor boy in the front row staring. Raising an imperious brow, he clipped,

"You have a question?"

"Are you…humming…sir?"

Narrowing his gaze, Severus answered curtly,

"No. Fifteen points for presumption."

Taking Gryffindor points merely added to the day's contentment. After he'd shooed the bold little blighters out of his classroom, the wizard locked the door and swept down the corridor, humming. Reaching his quarters, he entered the lounge and scowled. Instead of an eager, naked wife, he saw a fuchsia haired metamorphmagus and a werewolf. They were sitting together on the sofa. Tonks was changing the shape of her nose for Septimus' enjoyment. The baby made soft, cooing sounds that brought smiles to adult faces. Glancing up, Lupin smiled,

"Hello, Severus. Lorelei asked us to mind the nipper, here, so you can have dinner a deux."

Walking over to bend and kiss his son's forehead, the wizard straightened and asked,

"Where?"

"The Room of Requirement." Tonks giggled, before Remus' warning look caused her to say with only a trace of a smile, "Don't ask, because we promised not to tell." She made the motion of crossing an X across her chest and held up a pinky. "Not a word"

He inclined his head in assent. Moving toward the bedroom, he stopped and asked,

"Formal attire?"

They nodded, grinning. Severus pretended not to notice. When he re-entered the lounge a short while later, the three were playing on a quilt on the floor. Septimus was on his stomach, looking sideways at a stuffed penguin Tonks was making 'dance'. She looked up and exclaimed in a surprised voice,

"You look…nice…"

The baby lifted his head, only the slightest bit wobbly, and looked at his father. Snape smiled when the infant raised his brows and said, 'Ahhh'. Slinging on a cloak to conceal his tuxedo, he bid the three farewell and strode toward the dungeon stairway.

Opening the door to the Room of Requirement, the impatient husband stared in surprise. The enchanted room had been transformed into a nightclub. Onstage, a grand piano stood in the shadows. Something was on it. Clearing his throat while tossing his cloak onto a table, Severus called,

"Lorelei?"

Instantly, a spotlight illuminated the woman curled on the polished surface. Striding forward, he could see that her deep-red velvet dress was slit to her thigh and hugged curves that looked enticingly toned. It was the dress she'd worn to their first Valentine's Day Dance. On its own, the bespelled piano began to play. A strangled laugh burst from his throat when Lorelei lifted her head and sang in her expressive voice about a bride, a June, a honeymoon and a reason for_ Makin' Whoopee. _

The cat-like sensuality she displayed uncurling and then crawling over the piano's surface dried his throat and rendered him speechless. Her sultry expression and slithering motions caused the notes to wrap around him the way he'd like her to. The song's lyrics were nonsensical. He had no ambition to ever wash 'baby clothes' or sew. It was the way she sang them while undulating to her knees, sliding her hands into her hair and down her body that made it impossible for Severus to take his eyes off his wife. Drawn by her beauty and the desire arcing between them, he moved to the end of the piano. Lorelei slid down in a serpentine fashion that revealed a tantalizing amount of cleavage. Teasingly, she put emphasis on the words 'you better keep her' and 'makin' whoopee'. Goaded into action, he dragged her off the piano and into his arms.

She clung to him, returning the kiss with a hungry passion that fired his own. Lorelei had once told him that his eyes were midnight fires that made her burn until she reached the point where she was consumed and then reborn in the ashes. He exulted that the heat between them was that intense. Feeling her hands pulling at his clothing, Severus burned for her in the same way she burned for him. Hotly, he whispered his need that hadn't changed since their wedding day, to be one with her in love. Lorelei murmured her love while he unzipped her dress and the room shifted to meet his requirement.

* * *

A/N: Once upon a time, my mom watched 'The Fabulous Baker Boys' because she liked the Bridges boys, and I saw Michelle Pfeiffer sing on the piano and thought, "I'd like to do that!" I still haven't done that and prolly never will- I think I'd be worried about sliding off the piano- but I had fun writing Lorelei doing her version of 'Makin' Whoopee'! Special thanks to **Moranar **and **Slytherin Love Goddess** for pointing out a couple of things that needed changing. Reads much nicer, now! 


	15. Fatherly Love

Disclaimer: Not Rowling, not one of those people who think dreams divine the future, but it's fun to think they could, especially when Severus is dreaming of his children!

* * *

Don't Call Me Daddy

Chapter 15- Fatherly Love

Reaching down to snag a fallen pillow from the floor and place it beneath his head, Severus lay on the bed, feeling boneless, watching his wife get dressed. He pondered aloud,

"How can I be moments away from a comatose state while your energy has _increased_?"

Pulling on form-fitting white trousers, Lorelei did a shimmy while lifting a white embroidered tunic and sang,

"Mamma Mia, Here I go again…" Laughing at his raised eyebrows, she explained, "Rosmerta's bringing back Disco Karaoke. I'm excited because Tonks and I have convinced our poker group to come cheer us on as we battle to keep our title!"

She danced around the room, doing the monkey, the locomotion, and disco points while dressing. If he'd had the energy, Snape would've laughed. Instead, he pursed his lips and drawled,

"ABBA returns, eh? Which one are you again? Anita?"

Giggling while she employed a charm to transform her hair into straight platinum strands with a long fringe, the siren gazed at him in loving exasperation and chided,

"Anna, darling- Tonks is Frida." Her gaze swept over him. She sighed, "My, my, how can I resist ya?"

Sleepily, he asked,

"Is that the song you're going to sing?"

Slicking on lip gloss, her reflection smiled at him in the mirror.

"_Mamma Mia? _No, we're going to sing _Take a Chance on Me."_

He noticed the direction of her gaze and smirked,

"Are you sure that you don't want to stay home and take a chance on me…again?"

Whirling around, Lorelei moved to the bed, slithered up the body that would make chance a fine thing…after a nap…and kissed him lingeringly.

"Hold that thought, because I'm going to be in the mood to celebrate when we return from the pub victorious." Winking, she kissed him again briefly before bounding off the bed. Looking down at her lovely…if no longer gi-normous…chest, she exclaimed, "Merlin, I almost forgot!" Within minutes, his energetic wife had expressed a bottle of milk, placed it in the stasis chamber, blown him a kiss, and hummed her way out of their quarters.

A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he murmured while allowing heavy eyes to close,

"Mamma Mia, indeed."

The room was completely dark when Septimus began to cry. Fastening his robe, Severus went to fetch the bottle, calling,

"Yes, you're hungry, or wet, or bored, perhaps all three at once. I assure you that I hear and obey."

Over the months, all three of them, the first-time father had discovered that his son would stop crying and wait patiently if he heard a parent's voice. Not overly fond of the sound of crying, Severus spoke to the infant at every opportunity. In the beginning, it had felt awkward to hold a one-way conversation, but he'd soon begun to pick up Septimus' body language and realized that the boy was really listening and responding. What had once seemed strange was now extremely satisfying.

Inside the nursery, Septimus was lying on his stomach doing what looked like a mini pushup in order to watch the seals toss a black and white ball back and forth on the wall next to him. Snape had read that infants responded to black and white patterns best and had immediately asked Albus to enchant the painted ball once he'd pried Malfoy away from his girlfriend to come paint it. Listening to his son's gurgling laughter, Snape smiled and then stared in a mixture of pride and dismay, realizing, _Septimus rolled over! And I missed it!_ He hurried over, gently turned the boy onto his back and snatched the camera off the nearby dresser, instructing,

"Be a good boy and roll over again, Septimus, your mother will want to see this." Tiny hands batted the air like they were reaching for the ball. Severus tried again, "Please roll over."

Turning his head to smile at his father, the child waved plump little arms. Sighing, Snape resorted to, "Please roll over for mum and dad…Ari…"

He almost didn't get the picture, Septimus started to roll so quickly. It was amazing to watch. The wizard had never realized what incredible co-ordination an infant needed to possess to perform such a feat. Lifting his head and shoulders in that push up manner once more, his son smiled, and then promptly frowned and started to cry.

"Remembered that you're hungry, did you? I'll take care of that."

Carrying the boy to the changing table, Severus first dealt with a wet nappy before sanitizing his hands and reaching for the bottle. Sitting in the rocking chair, he huffed in amusement at the disgruntled expression on the tiny face.

"It's not exactly what you're used to, but make do, son, because your mother has gallivanted off with a pack of witches." Septimus' eyes stared fixedly as he sucked. Severus' lips quirked, "Not that I begrudge her a night out, or that I don't enjoy being part of the food chain now and again…" A dribble of milk trickled from the corner of the baby's mouth as he smiled around the nipple that was a poor substitute for his mother's. Softly wiping away the moisture, Severus supported his son's chest with one hand while gently patting his back. The strength of the burp that erupted was startling. "We should reconsider taking you to the pub if you're going to emulate Gimli."

Septimus hiccupped, and a warm gush of milk slid over his father's hand. Grimacing, Snape wiped his hand and told his cooing baby,

"You need a bath."

Midwitch Leach had recommended Healer Brazelton for Septimus. The venerable older wizard had smilingly told them at the first month checkup that until babies crawled into messes, they didn't actually _need _a bath every day as long as their faces and hands were kept clean. Seeing the frown of his small patient's father, the pediatric Healer had amended that there was certainly nothing wrong with daily bathing, however. Severus had narrowed his eyes at the intimation that pleasure, not cleanliness, impelled his son's baths, but the truth was that he and Lorelei enjoyed taking care of their child. Whenever Snape had to give the child a bath without her, though, he took the easy way out. He took Septimus into the tub with him.

Handling a slippery, soapy little body was much easier when they were both wet. He could take his time and play with his son without back strain. If he was splashed with a substance other than water, Severus washed himself as well. It was an efficient and beneficial arrangement for all involved.

Currently, after using a mild soap to prevent dry skin, the man relaxed against the tiles and engaged the infant in their newest game- the staring contest. Leaning back against his father's supporting thighs; Septimus contemplated the face looking into his without blinking. Snape's eyes were beginning to burn when his hair was yanked. He flinched. Bringing the long black strand to his mouth, the baby gurgled. Severus said accusingly,

"You cheated." Suddenly, lean, clever features softened. "How very Slytherin..." Leaning forward, he brushed a kiss across downy black hair.

A few hours later, Lorelei returned from her carousing. Stripping off her tunic the moment she entered the lounge, the siren changed her hair back to raven spirals and told the males watching her with upraised brows from their seat the sofa,

"I feel like one of those bloody cows in the field outside the village." Yanking off the decorative brassiere that was unsuited for nursing, she sat beside her husband and reached for the baby saying, "I hope you're hungry, Ari." He was. She sighed, "Merlin, what a relief. I was about to start lowing."

Smirking, her husband stated,

"In need of milking, were you?"

Lorelei pointed a usually desirable, now dangerous object in his direction.

"Would you like a shot in the eye? I'm telling you, I could ruddy well shoot milk across the room."

He chuckled. She smiled and told him about her narrow victory over Orlando.

"If he'd sung _Stayin' Alive _instead of _How Deep is Your Love, _we might not have won, but Scotsmen don't like torch songs that make their partners sigh like teenagers."

Severus could well imagine. He didn't much care for the mental image either. Lorelei switched the baby to the other side to nurse and giggled,

"Don't be jealous. The BeeGees never did it for me. I'm more…Jim Morrison…"

Noting her sparkling eyes, he said levelly,

"Albus told Minerva the title of the song they heard me humming and she passed it on to you, is that it?"

The way her eyes slid to the left made him suspicious, even before his wife said evasively,

"Something like that." He gave her the stare that had compelled many a student to confess wrongdoing before bursting into tears. She tried to hold out, but after several minutes of tense silence, Lorelei blurted, "Why did I bring it up? I should've known you'd act like this." Facing him squarely, she said, "Fine, I'll tell you exactly what happened. Right before I left, Jack Sparrow got up and sang some awful disco pirate shanty. Minerva, who'd had a few too many drinks with itty bitty umbrellas in them announced that 'Even Snape can hum better than that'." Viewing his nostrils flaring made her look away and finish hastily, "Pomona and Poppy demanded that Minerva tell all, and she did." Gazing back again, she declared in righteous indignation, "I told them it wasn't funny and that your voice can ensnare the senses better than any potion!"

The fiery sparks in midnight eyes as she placed the baby on her shoulder and rubbed his back were very affecting- or maybe it was the view. Regardless, he was amused instead of angered. Idly curious, he asked,

"What was the response to your little declaration?"

She stood up abruptly.

"Oh look, Septimus is asleep. I'll put him in the cot."

He followed, trailing his fingers down her spine. She shivered and put the baby down before marching toward their bedroom with her arms crossed defensively. In the middle of the lounge, she turned and placed her hands on her hips, answering,

"I don't know, alright? They were still laughing when I stormed out of the pub."

A bark of laughter escaped before he could help it. Lorelei's lower lip began to pout. He slid his hands up her arms and said,

"I don't care what those witches think about me." Lowering his voice to dark suggestion, he continued, "So I ensnare your senses?"

Full lips turned up.

"Bewitch my mind, too."

His fingers sifted through her hair, tilting her head for his kiss. He whispered silkily,

"Why don't you let me send _desire_ through your veins…in the bath?"

Leaning against him while he led them backwards, Lorelei's smile held a delicate power greater than any liquid known. She sang softly, "I can't let go, because I love you so."

"_Take a Chance on Me?" _Severus asked with a smile. Her response was as passionate as the kiss that followed.

"Always"

* * *

In the middle of the night, when Lorelei got up to take care of Septimus, her husband rolled over and continued to slumber. A short while later, he drifted into a deeper stage of sleep and began to dream…

* * *

"Why is this ridiculous event taking place again?" Severus groused as he fastened the cuff on his tailored black shirt. Lorelei straightened his collar and smiled, 

"It's customary, darling."

His dark gaze flickered over the black and white dress that showcased curves he'd rather explore than sit beside while forced to engage in small talk. The corners of his mouth turned up as he caught her hand and lifted it to his lips.

"All that's best of dark and bright, meet in her aspect and her eyes."

She gave him a melting look.

"I remember the first time you quoted Byron." Her expression turned teasing. "Are you trying to seduce me into breaking our engagement? It won't work. We're going to this dinner."

He pulled her against him, brushing aside raven spirals to trail kisses up her neck. "Must we?"

"We could be late"

Severus' lips curled in satisfaction. His expression turned sardonic when a feminine voice called impatiently,

"Mum, dad, are you _ready_?"

Muttering 'I was', he stepped reluctantly back from his giggling spouse and gestured to the door. Winking, Lorelei sashayed out of the room and down the stairs of their London home. In the entry, a young woman stood talking to their house brownie. Snape took one look at the midriff baring outfit his daughter had on and snapped,

"You're not actually wearing that, are you?"

The nineteen year old girl rolled her dark eyes, looking uncannily like her mother.

"Dad, please, let's not debate fashion again." Reaching up to kiss his cheek, she said impishly, "You know how you hate to lose."

"Arwen's right, dear. We need to be going." Lorelei hugged her daughter, who said,

"The ads came out fab, mum."

Severus turned from bidding Donn good evening and demanded, "Ads?"

A bright smile couldn't disguise the blush of guilt on his wife's face. She picked up a glossy magazine off the hall table and held it out.

"I told you about the 'Eternal Beauty' cosmetics line, didn't I? That I was asked to help?"

He found the ad displaying his daughter, wife, and…good gods…_mother in law_…in Grecian gowns. Snape shook the magazine.

"I thought you meant testing, not modeling!" Giving his daughter a withering stare, Severus grated, "If you choose to be objectified, that is your decision, but don't drag your mother into it!"

"Merlin, you're a hopeless case, dad." Arwen shot back. "So I do a little modeling for the company. Jean-Luc says I'll be running the lab one day, I'm that good, so stop acting like I gave up potions to become a prostitute!"

His gaze narrowed, "As always, you exaggerate and attack when there is no defense for your actions."

His daughter's expression mirrored his. It reminded him of when she was a baby. How adorable it had been…_then._ Lorelei intervened.

"Darling, this is Siren Cosmetics, not Siren's Secret. I'm sorry if I didn't explain fully, but there's nothing inappropriate about the ads, and if you think they make me look like a sex object, then…well…thank you."

"Humph" Grudgingly appeased, he looked down at the advert once more. Severus conceded, "Perhaps it's tolerable." He tossed the magazine aside, "But if any man asks for your autograph…"

His wife and daughter both laughed at his menacing expression. Preparing to floo to their destination, Arwen shook her long, black spirals.

"Men don't want models' autographs, dad. They want to chat them up."

The scowl that lingered as he stepped out of a hearth and into the spacious lounge of his hosts' London flat caused the man watching to exclaim,

"You haven't changed a bit!"

Schooling his features into impassivity, Severus responded,

"Neither have you, Mr. Weasley."

It wasn't quite true. Ronald Weasley was definitely a grown man with a know-it-all wife and daughter, as well as two younger sons. Their respective womenfolk were currently talking animatedly on nearby sofas. Accepting the offer of a drink, Snape asked civilly,

"How are the Cannons doing this year?"

A wide smile lit the freckled face. Blue eyes brightened with enthusiasm.

"Now that I've been made Head Coach, I've got every confidence we'll take the championship. We've just signed the best young Chaser to enter the league in years and…"

Like the rest of his redheaded clan, Weasley could rattle on for ages. Assuming a mien of polite interest, Severus allowed the flow of Quidditch statistics to wash over him while he observed Healer Granger and the daughter that was soon to follow in her mother's footsteps. He supposed they were attractive and personable enough, although he found people who thought they knew best and always corrected others very irritating, personally.

"Septimus!"

"Athena!"

His son had arrived. Watching the newly engaged pair embrace like they'd been parted for years instead of hours, Severus rolled his eyes. He was surprised to hear Weasley admit a thought similar to his,

"I just can't get my head around my little girl marrying a Snape."

Sparing the perturbed man a glance, he returned,

"Why not? He's rich, handsome, and already established in the family corporation."

The other wizard's face scrunched unhappily.

"I know…and he's madly in love with her…but he's a _Snape_…sorry, no offense."

"None taken" Severus replied dryly. Observing Ron's open unhappiness and Hermione's tight lipped 'let's make the best of it' expression, the tight feeling in his own chest eased. When his son raked long black strands back from a face that had earned the title 'Sexiest Boy Alive' seven years running, a Hogwarts record, he smiled. Catching sight of his father, Septimus grinned.

"Dad! We need your opinion…"

Strolling over to the group, Severus nodded amiably and listened to the group debate neighborhoods the young couple should consider for their first home. He told his son that he would support whatever decision they made, causing Athena to exclaim,

"Why can't you be like that, mum?"

The annoyance flashing in Healer Granger-Weasley's eyes was gratifying. How galling for her to be compared to a malevolent bat and found wanting! His eyes met Lorelei's. She smirked. He had to excuse himself before he succumbed to inappropriate levity. Stepping out of the room, he decided to see what smelled so good and followed the aroma to the kitchen. Severus' footsteps halted abruptly when he heard the unmistakable sounds of snogging. Silently, he moved forward until he saw that his instinct had been correct. Arwen had not left before him to find a loo. She had snuck off to meet Harry-bloody-Sirius-Potter, who was no doubt 'visiting' his mate Arthur Weasley. The boy stopped bending her back over the kitchen table to hold her tight against him and groan,

"Gods, I thought school would never end. I've been counting the days."

Closing his eyes to block up the resumed display of affection, Severus opened them again when his own 'little girl' said throatily,

"Has it been so hard, having a long-distance girlfriend? I came to see you every Hogsmeade Weekend."

The youth cupped her face in his hands.

"It was torture, but sweet torture. I lived for those visits and your letters…"

"What about my photographs?"

Snape almost revealed his presence when the teen's hands started caressing skin most likely bared for just that reason. He waited when the boy who was called 'Sirius' chuckled.

"I hated it when my mates drooled over your ads, but I couldn't blame them. You're so beautiful. I'd look at those pictures and wonder why you want me, when you could have anybody."

That's what Severus wanted to know. Arwen smiled so radiantly that it caused a pang in her father's heart.

"I love you Sirius. I always have, and I always will."

Averting his gaze as more heated snogging commenced, the wizard started to back away when Potter declared ardently,

"I've loved you since the moment I saw you, Arwen, and I don't care that my dad disapproves, says I'm too young. He can rant all he likes that I should get my career with the Cannons established first before I think about the future. I'm telling you right now that as soon as I get a few things worked out; I'm going to have a talk with your father."

Slowly retracing his steps to the lounge, the pang that had struck the Potions Master's heart faded. Perhaps it was because he'd been handed another golden opportunity to have the child of a former nemesis measure his father against a 'greasy git' and find his parent wanting. Maybe it was knowing how much _he_ was loved, by his wife, by his children, and discovering within himself the desire that Septimus and Arwen experience that kind of love as well. Whatever the reason, Severus' attitude about the evening altered. He didn't raise a brow when Sirius escorted Arwen into the lounge. He was unfailingly polite…and secretly amused by how his behavior disconcerted everyone. Except his wife, who returned his slight smile lovingly and slipped her hand into his, giving his fingers a gentle squeeze.

* * *

A baby's hungry cry awoke the wizard. He shook his head over the vivid, bizarre dream he'd had. Throwing back the covers, Severus went to fetch his son without realizing that he was still smiling.

* * *

A/N: Couldn't resist another LOTR baby name! For this story, I use a 'Baby Milestone' chart that's been quite helpful in breaking down each month's developmental milestones into 'what most children can do', 'what some children can do' and 'what a few, advanced children can do'. I think we all know Septimus is in the advanced group, lol. For those of you who read 'Matchmakers', I hope you enjoyed the return of disco Karaoke! Had to have Orlando as competition- to have a 'real' Legolas this time, heh heh… 


	16. Male Bonding

Disclaimer: Raise your hand if you're going to attempt to read the HBP in one day. (I raise my hand like Hermione) Not long now! Hurrah!

* * *

Don't Call Me Daddy

Male Bonding

Preparing for the final stage of yet another Wolfsbane trial, Severus glanced up from his cauldron to check on the six month old sitting up in his Pericles Playpen a safe distance away. Lunging forward, the baby attempted to grasp a soft ball and bring it to his mouth. Septimus, who was so attractive that his father felt more like a bodyguard protecting his client from adoring fans when they went out in public, was babbling 'yaya' and other repetitive sounds. The wizard listened and realized that his son was copying his parents' tones and patterns of inflection. How interesting.

The baby uttered 'kaka' with a frustrated look on his face. He couldn't reach the ball. As Snape watched, Septimus leaned forward a little more, clutched the ball with chubby fingers, and crowed,

"Da!"

He chuckled. The baby looked up and smiled in the way that made women of all ages go 'Aw'. Displaying the two front bottom teeth that had just emerged last week, Septimus gurgled,

"Dada!"

Severus knew, intellectually, that vocalization at this stage was a game, an experimentation with tongue, teeth, and vocal chords to find sounds that were pleasing to hear and say. That didn't prevent the father from feeling a warm glow whenever his son said 'dada', however. His wife, always more demonstrative, openly delighted whenever Septimus babbled 'mama', cooing and kissing plump little cheeks enthusiastically. Thin, mobile lips pursed. If the boy said 'mama' _intentionally_, before he said 'dada', it was only because she had prejudiced the lad in her favor. Snape's mouth curved upwards. Not that he blamed the child. Lorelei had prejudiced _him_ in her favor years ago.

When Septimus went back to the enthralling game of pick up, mouth and throw down, the Potions Master returned his attention to the cauldron at hand. He and Lorelei had decided that they would care for their baby themselves, with the occasional help of a house elf with child care experience when she had returned to teaching first through fifth year Potions. Dumbledore had been agreeable to an amended curriculum of doubled classes, which supposedly promoted inter-house harmony as well as lightened the new mother's teaching load. He took care of the baby when she taught, and vice versa. Their schedules had been duly adjusted and so far, Septimus had reacted exceedingly well.

After the Wolfsbane potion reached the simmering stage, Severus took off his protective robes, washed his hands, and approached the playpen. A soft book was being shaken in a tiny fist.

"Dadadada"

Always endeavoring to encourage proper linguistic development, the wizard asked, with none of that 'baby talk' others affected,

"Do you wish to be read a book?" He took the flailing arms and squeal as a yes. Bending to pick up the sturdy child, he sat in a nearby rocker. The corners of his mouth twitched when Septimus, sitting on his lap and supported by the crook of his left arm, tilted his head to look up and say 'ga' while offering the fabric book he still clutched. Avoiding the sopping imprint of small lips, Severus tugged the item away and lifted an eyebrow as he read aloud, "_Lots of Bugs_" How…inventive… A fabric 'bug', constructed to become several different insects made from different fabrics to encourage tactile stimulation, he supposed.

Although the sparse words were so inane that they almost physically pained the man to speak them, Severus did so…until reaching the caterpillar. He became speechless with outrage. How dare the irresponsible persons responsible for mass producing this so-called educational tool create a vividly hued caterpillar and encourage small children to touch it! Remembering the way his son now burst into tears when hearing harsh tones, the indignant father held the tiny hand away from the bloody _bug_ and instructed softly,

"No, Septimus…don't ever touch caterpillars that are brightly coloured. Some use their colouring to warn other creatures not to eat them. They secrete poisonous liquids and have poisonous spines that will harm you." Regulating his tone with effort, Severus told the smiling boy, "The severity of the sting increases with the size of the caterpillar." Flicking a disdainful finger at the revoltingly smiling monstrosity, he concluded, "This one would most likely land you in the hospital wing while Poppy treated you for severe eye and skin inflammation or intestinal disturbances." Tossing the book across the room to the delight of the baby now blowing a spit bubble, he looked up when an amused voice stated,

"What a macabre sounding baby book." Picking up the text, grimacing over the drool, the elegant blond professor chuckled, "Lots of Bugs…not exactly what I expected." Holding the book with two fingers, Malfoy asked in the pseudo helpful tone that hadn't fooled Severus when the man had been his student, and didn't fool him now, "Shall I place it in the rubbish bin?"

"Yes, it deserves no less, teaching innocent children to handle caterpillars indiscriminately." Severus replied grimly, disregarding his visitor's poorly concealed amusement. Glancing down to see Septimus' bottom lip sticking perilously out, he ordered, "Be useful and throw me another book."

Slinging the waste of fabric into a nearby bin and retrieving another book from a pile on a table, Draco handed it over with a smirk. Snape realized why when he saw the lamb on the cover. While Septimus batted at the 'lamb wool', he read aloud, without inflection,

"Sunny day, come and play…"

Grey eyes gleamed with mirth. Narrowing his own, the older wizard turned the soft page and said in a deceptively mild tone that caused his colleague's brows to rise in alarm,

"Lift the leaf. What's underneath?"

Once again, he was rendered speechless. Draco, perched on a table, leaned forward and asked,

"Well? What's underneath?"

Septimus answered for his father, bringing the object up to his mouth to taste. Light green with a red line down its sides, the caterpillar resembled that of an Io Moth, which had stinging spines. Severus exhaled sharply. Malfoy laughed out loud. Startled by the burst of sound, the baby began to cry. Standing, the wizard frowned while put he put his son up to his shoulder and rocked back and forth to soothe him.

"Did you invade my private lab merely to upset my son?" He queried coolly. "Or did you have an actual issue to discuss?"

"Sorry" Draco apologized. Septimus lifted his head off his father's shoulder and smiled at the familiar face. The man grinned, "Don't hold a grudge, do you, mate, must take after your mother."

The baby blew a spit bubble and started babbling, "dadadadada"

Malfoy looked astounded. Severus' upper lip curled,

"You were saying?"

"Yeah, right, I was wondering, are you heading to the pub later?" When the other man's features remained blank, he elaborated, "Since the birds are flocking to your place for the poker game tonight, I figured you might be looking to get out and…" Draco ran a hand over his pale hair, glancing away and breaking off as if embarrassed.

Severus had completely forgotten that it was Lorelei's turn to host the monthly poker night. Distracted by the wizard's demeanor, he asked,

"Yes?"

Curling his fingers to examine the manicure, which looked impeccable, the younger Slytherin said offhandedly,

"I was hoping you'd like to play darts. It just so happens that I need a partner for a match against Orlando and Gimli."

Septimus was happily tugging his father's hair while being shuffle stepped side to side. Severus smiled briefly at his son before drawling,

"How, pray tell, did you _happen_ to become in need a darts partner?"

"Last Friday night in the pub, the two challenged me to a drinking game…and…" Stygian eyes pinned evasive grey. Draco admitted, "I won, so they challenged me to a darts match, to give them the chance to even the score." An edge came into his voice, "I said partners, because, well, because I haven't played much, and I didn't want to lose. Will you come?"

Flattered, and thinking that Malfoy was a true son of Slytherin, Snape inclined his head.

"Very well, I'll be your partner, but first…" Using his wand, Severus opened a cupboard on a side wall. It opened to reveal a dartboard. Nodding to it, he said, "You're going get in some practice."

Later, while he and Lorelei bathed Septimus, his wife listened to him specify the ways his patience had been tried that day and smiled.

"After we get Ari settled down in his cot, I'll give you a massage, so you can be at the top of your game."

He did play better relaxed. Septimus' little hands splashed water over his mother, who looked very fetching wet. Severus' analytical mind calculated that even if the massage became…prolonged…and mutual…requiring a short period of rest afterwards, he still had plenty of time to meet Draco in the entry and walk to the pub to meet their opponents.

His slow smile brought a blush to Lorelei's cheeks. She quickly wrapped the baby in a hooded towel and headed towards the nursery. Over her shoulder, their son smiled and gurgled,

"Da!"

* * *

On that November evening, leaves of the deciduous trees had long since fallen, crunching beneath the feet of the men traversing the path to Hogsmeade. Strolling beside Draco, Severus' unperturbed expression caused his companion to mutter, 

"I'm not even going to ask how you can be so relaxed."

Looking down before he did something rash, like laugh, black strands concealed up-turned lips when the wizard replied,

"Prudent of you..." Unable to resist, he continued, "Seeing how my…relaxation techniques…are unavailable to those with fiancées in London."

Slanting a sideways glance, Snape fought a smile. Malfoy was staring at him in shock.

"I…when did I tell you that?"

"The last time you accompanied me down to the pub. Gimli conned you into sampling some dwarven spirits. You became quite loquacious, sharing the cruel irony of waiting years for a wizard's handshake to become null and void, only to be separated from the girl you love except on the odd weekend when she can break away from her accelerated business courses."

An expression that was almost Hufflepuff softened classic features.

"It'll be worth it, when she opens the Hogsmeade shop, and we can finally be married." Clearing his throat after a moment, Draco stated confidently, "Ginny will run Zonko's out of business in no time."

Severus was no longer discomfited by the almost fatherly pride he took in the young man beside him. He asked while they resumed the short trek to the pub,

"How much stock do you own now?"

Malfoy's smile gleamed with satisfaction.

"Twenty five per cent of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes…which I plan on giving to Ginny for a wedding present, of course. Do you think she'll like that better than the family jewels?"

Thinking of the ostentatious collection that had seemed to wear Narcissa instead of the other way round, Severus nodded.

"Very much so…"

Thoughts of his fiancée elevated Draco's spirits appreciably. When he opened the door with a grand 'after you, Sir', the senior professor said blandly as he passed,

"Age before beauty?"

A white-blond eyebrow rose.

"I was thinking oyster before the pearl, actually."

Severus' mouth curved and then immediately straightened when he noticed the pair waiting at the bar.

"All smiles, those two are, Gimli. Are they that confident of winning?"

Orlando looked to the stocky man draining a tankard of ale. Wiping the back of his hand across his mouth, the master gardener replied,

"Dinnae fash yerself, laddie, we'll teach 'em otherwise."

Behind the bar, the brassy haired proprietor propped a curving hip against the bar and asked, "When are you going to bring that beautiful boy of yours back to see us, Snape?"

Gimli belched. Severus curled his lip,

"When bad influences mend their ways…"

The broad face lit up.

"I influenced yer bairn? Michty me…" Realizing that it was a rebuke, not a compliment, Gimli's shaggy brows drew together. "Eh, mebbe I havenae always been minding my manners. I'll do better, for wee Septimus. He's a braw laddie."

Unable to remain disgruntled when his child was so rightfully praised, Severus inclined his head graciously.

"We shall bring him by Sunday evening, after dinner."

Lorelei wanted to hear the bard who was scheduled to weave tales of the Oak and Holly King that were so popular this time of year. People looked forward to the Winter Solstice, when the reigning Holly King would be defeated by the Oak King in a symbolic battle representing the waxing sun overtaking the waning one. The woman's scarlet lips widened in a brilliant smile.

"Good. My custom doubles when your wife drops by. If she brings your gorgeous baby, I'm hoping to triple." Winking, Rosmerta plunked a tumbler on the bar and poured a generous amount of Ogden's into it. "Save your coin to buy the boys a round."

"When we win?" His brows arched in question.

She winked again, the brazen wench.

"No, luv, when you lose… By themselves, Orlando and Gimli can be beat, but as doubles partners? It's never happened yet." With a pitying glance, she took down another glass and poured Draco a shot. "Here you go, Malfoy. Good luck. You'll need it."

Severus left his firewhisky untouched while his partner downed his. They hung up their cloaks and moved to the end of the room where the coveted dartboard awaited. The usual Friday night crowd seemed more intent on the match about to begin than on private conversation. An unnatural hush fell over the room when Gimli boomed,

"Are ye ready to lose, lads?"

Orlando merely grinned.

"He'll improve his manners on the morrow, I expect."

Ignoring the Fae's amusement, Snape gave him a level look.

"Cricket?"

Gimli gave a low chuckle,

"What else, professor?"

Draco said in a low voice,

"Remind me what exactly I'm supposed to be doing, again?"

In an undertone, Severus instructed,

"We're hitting the numbers 15 through 20- each has to be hit three times. Either by three singles…" With a sinking feeling at the poker face Malfoy was displaying, he reminded, "The outer ring is a double, and the inner, a triple. We have to clear each number to go on to the next. We're racing the other team to the end, where a bull's eye wins the match."

"Ah"

Never so grateful for his own ability to present an impassive façade, Snape turned to their opponents and waited for his turn to throw. Gimli, with skill he claimed was honed by years of winning the axe throwing competition in Highland Games, hit closest to the bull's eye, allowing his team to go first. Orlando, using a smooth, fluid motion that made women sigh, got a double on 15. Outwardly composed, Malfoy stepped up and threw a single. He shrugged, but Severus caught the flicker of relief and closed his eyes briefly. Withstanding the impulse to rub the bridge of his nose, he whispered when Gimli hefted a dart,

"You've never played a real match in a pub, have you?"

"I'm playing one now."

It was Severus' turn. He blocked out the ever growing and increasingly vocal crowd and focused on the board, scoring a double with ease. The match evened out since Orlando had a hard time hitting triples, and Draco didn't even try to hit anything but center of the number at hand. Gimli and Severus each took turns at closing out their partner's number. The crowd grew hushed when Orlando was up on 20. Eyes narrowed in determination, he said,

"I'm going for the triple."

He narrowly missed, and got a single. Women sighed 'ohh' in sympathy. Men roared, 'OHH' in glee. Draco stepped up and glanced at his partner,

"Should I go for the triple?"

Guffaws broke out, making clear the opinion of most of the watchers. Snape nodded encouragingly, even though he wanted to say 'hell no'. The tavern became still as the onlookers craned forward to see what would happen. Time seemed to slow. As Severus watched his colleague, protégé, and young friend prepare to throw, he pondered whether he'd be this anxious when the man he watched was Septimus. Imperceptibly, he relaxed. His son would have the benefit of years of training. He was bound to hit triples like Malfoy hit singles. Still, the wizard knew he would still feel a rush of exultant pride like he did now upon seeing the dart become embedded in the coveted inner ring.

_Triple! _

The fickle crowd who had heckled previously now cheered. Draco grinned boyishly and shook the hand outstretched in congratulation on a brilliant throw. Severus tightened his grip briefly and then released his clasp to allow Orlando and Gimli to shake their opponent's hand and express admiration for his skill. The Scot closed out his number. Only the bull's eye was left. If Severus could hit the bull's eye, his team would win the match. He concentrated, he threw, and he hit the bull's eye. The onlookers roared. The dart wobbled. In disbelief, he watched it fall. Sympathetic imprecations filled the air. Malfoy turned to him in confusion.

"You hit the Bull's Eye, didn't we just win?"

Schooling his features, Severus explained calmly, as though to a seventh year confused over why a potion had not been effective,

"The dart must remain embedded for at least five seconds to count as a hit." Pausing, he finished levelly, "Mine dropped off the board at four."

"Bollocks!" Grey eyes were stormy.

"Sorry, laddie, but Snape's got the right of it."

Orlando said solemnly,

"That was a perfect Bull's Eye, you should have won." Unleashing his dart like he was releasing an arrow from a bow, the Fae smoothly hit a Bull's Eye and said over the cheers of the crowd, "Chance decided differently…" With a flashing smile, he called, "…but drinks are on me, in honor of a well fought match!"

Draco smiled, seeming to shrug off his disappointment and enjoy the camaraderie. Trapped into putting on a show of good sportsmanship, which went against his Slytherin nature, Severus stayed to drink two rounds of firewhisky before using the excuse of wife and child to escape the well-meant commiseration of his former adversaries. Draco followed, whistling, while the older wizard remained silent on the way back to Hogwarts. When the pair reached the front steps, Snape halted and said,

"You made an amazing throw, hit your target, while I fell short and cost us the match. I apologize."

In the torchlight, his companion's teeth gleamed white.

"Don't, it was a great match."

Staring incredulously, Severus gritted,

"A great match? In case it slipped your notice, Mr. Malfoy, we _lost_."

Draco said matter-of-factly,

"I'm used to that. How many times has Slytherin lost to Gryffindor? While I was at school, we won, what, a couple of ruddy matches?" He shook his head. "Hell, we lost the House Cup, too. Once, Dumbledore even snatched it away from us at the leaving feast, allowing the house to celebrate before changing the bloody banners in the Hall from Slytherin to Gryffindor, the old bastard."

The young man was smiling broadly. Severus conceded with reluctant humor,

"That was rather Slytherin of him, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, I grudgingly admired that, after I stopped wanting to hex his beard off." Draco's smile faded as he stated frankly, "I hated losing back then, and I still don't like it, but I'll confess that when I said I didn't want to lose, I meant _badly." _He said with a smile, "Tonight, we played a damn good game, and they know that if your dart had stuck for one more second they would've lost. Everybody in that pub respects us, and I'm satisfied with that…until the rematch."

"Rematch" Severus repeated blankly. Thinking about it, he began to smile. "With a little more practice, I think you could hit a triple every time. Tomorrow, at the end of classes, my lab- be there." Thinking that he and Malfoy were getting perilously close to sentimentality, Snape said dryly, "You shall be avenged."

Draco laughed. "Yes Sir!"

Bidding each other goodnight, they separated. The History of Magic professor sauntered off towards his quarters, probably to gloat over his lucky hit to his fiancée via Melusine Mirror. The Potions Master headed down the dungeon stairway to his own partner. Inside the lounge, Lorelei was using her wand to tidy the space her fellow professors had managed to strew with cups, plates, and poker chips. Hanging up his cloak, Severus asked,

"How was your game?"

She waved her hand in a so-so motion and moved toward him.

"I broke even. What about you?"

He smiled, pulling her into his arms. Feeling like the Holly King who had fought hard, been vanquished by the Oak King, but didn't care since he retained the Spring Maiden's love, he replied,

"I lost and I won."

* * *

A/N: Just last chap Septimus was three months old…babies grow so fast! LOL. The baby books are based on real ones I found on a uk/baby site and thought 'what if they'd made the caterpillars brightly colored?' heh. **Embellished **commented in a review last chap about the similarity between the fic and a sitcom, where each week an issue is resolved. Very astute, this story is like that, with an underlying theme, since I never want to have a 'fic about nothing'. ; ) It does makes me wonder what sitcom my brilliant reviewers would liken this story to. Things that make you go Hmmm…tell me in a Review! 


	17. Severus' Valentines

**Disclaimer**: I changed the first disclaimer of this fic to read 'If I was Jo, the HBP would be a very different story'. That's putting it nicely. I got the book at midnight and read it in 7 ½ agonizing hours. For emails that uplifted, I have to give special, wish I had a life-sized poster of Snape to send thanks to **Severusgirl** for keeping me away from the vanilla extract (I'd no Nyquil or cooking sherry in the house, lol). The quotes from the film _Truly, Madly, Deeply, _were used especially for you! (the fact that they worked great is fab too, heh) **FNP**, as well, cheered and put up with my conspiracy theories about the HBP text being like Tom Riddle's diary and affecting the story in more ways than one, and I appreciate the support. A pal who wishes to remain anonymous deserves muchas gracias for sending me 8 reasons why Snape will be vindicated in book 7. Not that I thought he wouldn't be, but like worry beads, they're a tangible comfort when it comes to keeping the faith. : )

**Embellished**, in her last review, said she'd be interested to see what Snape story I'd come up with taking the events of the last book into account. It just so happens that I've written the first chapter of a Marauder era Snape romance that will do just that (not Snape/Lily) and will start posting _More than a Feeling_ in September, since you all know how I like to have a story follow the school year. ; )

I feel like this should be Thanksgiving, since I'm so grateful for all my blessings, like readers who don't abandon stories just because the new book makes them alternate instead of canon. Thanks again for reading. Eres muy amable.

* * *

Don't Call Me Daddy

Severus' Valentines

"mama"

Hearing the baby's call through the Morpheus Monitor, the child's father opened his eyes. Lorelei lifted her head from his chest and looked at him entreatingly.

"Healer Brazelton said that Septimus is going through a bit of separation anxiety. He misses us when he wakes at night. It'll pass in a few weeks, but tonight, can't we let him come to us until he falls back to sleep?"

"_Mama"_

Severus' gaze, heavy lidded as a result of recent, pleasurable exertion, was sympathetic even while he replied firmly,

"We mustn't reinforce such behaviour. Septimus has to learn to soothe himself or he'll never learn to sleep through the night."

Through the monitor, the room was filled with the sound of a baby fretting. Lorelei bit her lip and then pleaded,

"He's almost nine months old, not nine years. Surely we can make an exception?"

Snape frowned. He was about to reluctantly deny his wife's request when a plaintive little voice quavered,

_"Dada?"_

The wizard's brows drew together. The lips that had parted to say 'no' instead formed the words,

"Very well"

Lorelei kissed him joyfully and then bounded off the bed. Stygian eyes traveled over her appreciatively before reminding,

"Although Septimus does not view you in the same way I do, seeing his preferred form of sustenance _will _undo the effort it took to eliminate midnight feedings."

Looking down, his wife laughed ruefully,

"You're right." Her gaze flickered up to catch his smirk. She stuck out her tongue. "Like always, hmmm?" Opening a dresser drawer, she threw him a pair of black briefs. "Why don't you go get Septimus while I put these out of sight, out of mind?"

He nodded agreeably, rising to slip on the briefs. Passing her, he reached out and caressed.

"Out of our child's mind, perhaps…"

How gratifying it was to have such an effect on his wife. He gave her a promising look and headed toward the nursery. Inside, his son was standing, holding onto the cot rail. When he saw his father enter, Septimus grinned, chubby knees bending and straightening as he bounced in glee.

"Dada! Dada! Dada!"

The baby let go of the rail to stretch out plump arms. He promptly lost his balance and plopped down on his padded backside. Severus said, amused, while lifting the boy,

"Happy to get your way, are you, my little Slytherin?"

Changing a nappy with efficient speed, the father hefted his son and brought him back to his bedchamber. Lorelei was lying in bed, propped with pillows. Snape took one look at her short lace nightie and considered taking Septimus back to his cot directly.

"Mama!"

Once on the bed, the child launched himself into his mother's arms. She hugged the babe and kissed his face. Septimus sat on her stomach and babbled contentedly while she stroked his straight black hair and crooned,

"Really? Dada came to get you and called you a Slytherin? Yes, darling, that's a compliment."

Placing an extra pillow behind his head, Severus lay close to his small family and said dryly,

"I don't hand them out right and left like your mother does, so value it accordingly, son."

Now playing pat-a-cake with the infant, Lorelei demurred,

"Dada exaggerates"

Septimus smiled angelically, exposing his tiny white bottom teeth. Leaning forward, his fingers grabbed a raven spiral and brought it to his mouth.

"No, no, Ari, don't eat mama's hair."

After watching his wife's unsuccessful attempt to pry her hair from a strong grip, Severus took charge, deftly releasing the wet strands from a dimpled hand. Yawning, the baby's eyes began to grow heavy. Lorelei shifted him to lie on her chest. After a few minutes, her eyes widened. Septimus' lips began to smack.

"Severus, let Ari sleep on your chest for awhile, please."

A smile curved the man's thin, clever lips. When he took the baby and laid him on his chest, he huffed in amusement. Lorelei was sitting up, her bodice sticking wetly to her chest. The baby's soft weight had caused her milk to let down. She sighed,

"I'll go take a quick shower. Behave you two, no playing darts whilst I'm gone."

The baby had already fallen asleep. His father replied,

"I told you last week, I was merely explaining the rules, not playing."

Pulling off the soiled nightie, his wife said, "Uh huh. And Ari was holding a dart because…"

"Because Malfoy charmed it for safety and I was merely allowing _Septimus_ to become accustomed to its weight."

Her matching lace panties fell to the floor.

"I've heard the expression 'train up a child', but I don't think that's what they meant, love."

He chuckled silently.

"No? Well, when he beats all comers in darts one day, you will say otherwise."

Repressed laughter made Lorelei's torso shake enticingly as she shook her head and went into the bathroom. Hearing the water charm engage, Severus closed his eyes and savoured the warmth of his son's body, the unconditional trust and affection given by a child who would never be treated harshly or made to feel unloved. After a few minutes, he gingerly rose and transported Septimus back to his cot. Brushing a kiss across the top of a small head, he returned to his bedchamber. Lorelei was still in the shower. Lips quirking in satisfaction, Snape strolled into the bathroom after removing his briefs. Beneath the fine spray, his wife greeted him with a loving smile and opened arms.

* * *

The first weekend of February was unusually temperate. Relaying that fact to his wife as they dressed for dinner, Severus added, 

"That doesn't mean I want your mother taking Septimus outside to show him the constellations again. London may not be the wilds of Scotland, but a child can catch a chill just the same." He caught her hiding a smile behind slender fingers. His eyes narrowed. "Think I'm an over-vigilant father, do you?"

Lorelei shook her head vigorously, causing a spiral to tumble from the upswept arrangement. She glided over to fix his cuff link and assure,

"No love, you're vigilant, there's a difference." Her tone changed when she noticed the direction of his gaze. "You're aware, observant…" Severus wondered if the low bodice would hold if she leaned over. He decided to do an experiment and surreptitiously loosened the other link instead of fastening it. When it went ping onto the floor, Lorelei smiled and bent to retrieve it. He leaned forward. The neckline held. The wizard straightened and affected nonchalance when she affixed it correctly and purred, "Keen too…traits I enjoy, personally." Looking up with laughter dancing in her eyes, she informed, "A charm holds my bodice up." Winking, she promised before sashaying out the door, "I'll break it when we return."

Downstairs in the lounge of their London home, his mother in law and her partner were lauding Septimus over his skill in taking steps while Marina held his hands. The three on the quilt laid over the centre rug looked up when the couple entered. Letting her grandson's hands drop, the most attractive grandmother Snape had ever seen clapped her hands.

"You two look wonderful all dressed up in black, don't they Jean Luc?"

The distinguished bald man nodded with a smile, "Indeed"

Seeing his parents, Septimus held out his arms.

"Mama"

Severus' heart jolted when his son took a tiny, wobbly step forward. It raced when Septimus took another, crowing,

"Dada!"

Lorelei clutched his arm.

"Oh Severus! Look, look!"

They dropped to their knees on the quilt. Severus held out his hands. Small features scrunched, as if unsure what was expected of him.

"Come to dada, Septimus." Lorelei said encouragingly.

The baby took two more unsteady steps and began to topple over. His father scooped him up and held him close while the women gushed about how wonderful and advanced and brilliant the boy was. Jean Luc said,

"He'll be a handful now."

Severus looked down into his son's smiling face. Tiny feet were pushing against his abdomen, as if wanting to walk again, right now. Proud and exultant, he replied with a smile tugging at the corners of his lips, "I wouldn't have him any other way."

Lorelei took her turn hugging and kissing the baby goodnight before they resolutely left the house, although it was hard to ignore the heartrending outburst of tears that accompanied their departure. On the walk beyond the front garden gate, his wife huddled into her wrap and leaned against him, sniffing,

"I'd like to wait, just until…"

He knew that she meant until the baby stopped crying. It never took long as Septimus was only left with those who were affectionate, competent, and entertained him ably. Within five minutes, their child's wails had ceased. As relieved as Lorelei, even though he didn't show it openly, Severus inclined his head and said,

"Shall we?"

They Apparated to a cozy restaurant in a wizard section of London. Remus, in a dinner jacket that Tonks was mystifyingly proud of unearthing in some designer resale shop looked quite presentable. The metamorphmagus, in a dark blue sheath that matched her hair and eyes, looked very well, too. She grinned when he told her so.

"Wow, a compliment. I'll treasure it forever."

Ignoring his dinner companions' amused smiles, he led the way to their table. It was a corner booth designed in a horseshoe shape. After the group ordered, Severus listened to the others chat. He'd noticed something, sliding into the booth after Lorelei, and wanted to do another experiment. Keeping his expression impassive, the wizard's left hand slid onto his wife's right thigh. He discovered that his hypothesis was correct. Sitting down, the skirt of the dress rode up. The slit that ended mid thigh while standing now reached her upper. His fingertips slid beneath a garter. Lorelei knocked over her glass of water. The server rushed over to dry the tablecloth with his wand. Tonks laughed,

"Good to know I'm not the only clumsy woman around."

Lorelei smiled shakily and slanted a glance his way. He lifted a brow inquiringly while rubbing silken skin. She blushed, but the siren didn't move his hand away. Dinner was quite enjoyable. Afterwards, Tonks joked,

"Anyone want to go sing Karaoke?"

The others laughed when he immediately decried,

"NO"

Remus suggested a nearby jazz club. Severus nodded his agreement. Tonks said she'd like to walk, get some exercise, while Lorelei said huskily,

"I need some cool air…" Turning pink, she said quickly, "I meant fresh air…"

Severus' fingers slid to the inside of her thigh before he pulled them from beneath the garter. Lorelei gave him a look that he found impossible to read until they retrieved their cloaks and wraps and stepped outside. Her arms twined around his neck while her lips molded to his. Not unaffected by his covert experimentation, Snape returned her kiss. Tonks griped,

"Merlin, I thought having children was supposed to _decrease_ your interest in that sort of thing!" When they eased apart, the witch snorted, "Keep that up and I'll have to tell McGonagall she won her bet that you two are back to standard in all areas, so to speak."

Even beneath the glow of orbs imitating Muggle gas lights, Lorelei's flush was noticeable. Remus chuckled,

"How much did you wager, love?"

Gaping incredulously, Tonks said disbelievingly,

"Ten galleons…all the staff did…except Dumbledore."

Lupin grinned wolfishly,

"That'll teach you not to bet against love."

Angrily, Tonks yanked her arm away,

"How can you say that when you've been doing it for years?" She cut off her partner's shocked 'Tonks…I…' with a tormented, "Damn it to hell, Remus, I'm bloody sick and tired of waiting!"

She stormed off. Remus hurried to catch her.

"Tonks, hold up…_Tonks!_"

Severus watched his quiet friend begin to argue loudly on the street corner. It was unsettling. Lorelei slipped her hand into his.

"They've needed to talk about this for a long time, Severus. Don't worry, things will work out."

He stared down at her imperiously. _Worried?_ Why should he care if those two settled their differences of opinion about whether it was right to marry and bring children into a family where the father was a werewolf? What business of it was his, anyway? Snape realized that his thoughts were echoes of his own father's opinions on non-involvement, on the intellectual's need for self-containment and isolation to allow his mind to fulfill its greatest potential.

What gobshite. His father had been a self-centred man who had died as he lived, isolated in his tower without a soul in the world who truly cared for him. Realizing that he was nothing like his progenitor in all the ways that mattered, Severus glanced at the couple who were now embracing passionately and said in a low tone with all sincerity,

"I'm glad."

His wife started sniffing. The Potions Master smiled fleetingly and handed her his handkerchief. She dabbed at her eyes while they walked slowly toward their friends. Keeping his arm around Tonk's waist after releasing her lips, Remus grinned boyishly,

"Are we still on for dancing?"

Inclining his head, Severus deadpanned,

"Anything is preferable to Karaoke."

Spinning Tonks around, Lupin gave a bark of laughter.

"Follow us."

* * *

Remembering that night on February 14th, Severus fastened the mandarin collar of his black dress robes and called, 

"Do you _really_ believe they're going to announce their engagement at a Valentine's Dance at Hogwarts?"

Lorelei stood in the doorway, Septimus on her hip, smiling radiantly,

"Won't it be romantic?" Red lips tinted to match her dress robes parted in a dreamy smile. Noticing his son's attire, Snape demanded,

"What the blazes is my son wearing?"

Delicate brows arched,

"_Our son_ is wearing dress robes, like his dada."

"Dada!" Septimus repeated, hurling forward in a lunge to reach his father's arms. Hurriedly taking the child before he toppled, the wizard looked down into dark eyes that charmed as effortlessly as his mother's and sighed,

"I suppose we could take him with us for a short time." Gazing implacably at the infant blessed with an excess of attractiveness, he said, "Then it's straight to bed for you, young man."

"Yayayaya"

Lorelei's giggle wasn't stifled well enough. His steady regard made the smile on her lips fade. Perhaps it was due to the way his eyes roamed over her curves in a silent promise to explore them all later. The tip of her tongue came out to moisten her lips. His collar was starting to feel tight. Severus asked,

"Are you wearing my present?"

She nodded,

"And the anklet you gave me too."

Resisting the urge to tug at his collar, he said, "Ladies first." On the way through the lounge, an enormous red basket filled with Valentine's cards drew his notice. "What is that?" Before she could answer, he stalked over and snatched up a card. "Did every boy at Hogwarts send you a card? So help me, I'll…" Melodic laughter rang out, halting the menacing words. Lorelei gasped between giggles,

"Read it"

A flick of his wrist opened the card. Two fingers held it open while he read aloud,

"What do you call a very small valentine? A valentiny! Happy Valentine's Day Septimus, Love Kristy."

Tossing down the card, he picked up another with a drawing of a fluffy sheep on the front. It read,

"Ewe are so cute. I love ewe! To: Septimus, From: Danielle."

Septimus took the card from his father's slack fingers and began to gnaw it. Severus pointed to the basket.

"These…_Valentines_…are all for our son?"

Lorelei lifted one and gave it to her husband after taking the wet card from her son and giving him a stuffed bear to suck on instead. Snape noticed at once that the art work was vastly superior to the other cards. An enchantment caused a large and small snake to slither together, tongues flickering. Inside, fine, familiar script wrote,

**To my Dada: How about a hug and a hiss? Happy Valentine's Day, Love Septimus**

Beneath it, another magicked drawing showed a black serpent coiling around a red heart. Beneath the illustration was written,

**Severus, I wanted you to know how completely you hold my heart. With all my love, Lorelei**

"Draco is the artist." Lorelei informed with a smile when he told her and their son thank you.

He smirked,

"I recognized his snakes."

Her smile widened, then became soft.

"I'm going to treasure my Valentine from you always."

Severus remembered how distastefully flowery and insipid the statements in commercially produced cards had seemed. In the end, he'd sketched two entwined hearts on a small square of parchment folded to fit into the anklet gift box and penned,

**When I met you, I had no idea where our relationship would lead. That it led to love and family makes me count myself the most fortunate of men. Tha gaol agam ort, Severus**

"I really love you." Lorelei said mistily.

Severus leaned forward to kiss his wife. Deciding to give her another Valentine's gift, he said with only the merest trace of sardonic inflection,

"I really, _truly_, love you."

Her face lit up at his remembering the dialogue that she'd raved about several times after Tonks had dragged Lorelei off to her Gran's to view some Muggle film on telly. He still believed the sentiment to be overblown and theatrical, but if it made his wife happy, he would spout it.

She said wholeheartedly,

"I really, truly, _madly_, love you."

Septimus was now sucking on a strand of his father's hair. Allowing the behaviour, temporarily, Severus returned to Lorelei,

"I really, truly, madly, _deeply_, love you."

Her lips parted. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as she sighed,

"I really, truly, madly, deeply, _passionately_, love you."

Septimus had managed to wind the wet strand around a plump fist. He pulled hard, yanking his father back from further impulsive actions. Swallowing with difficulty due to the bloody tight collar, Severus warned in a dark, silky, tone,

"If you do not wish me to deposit our child into his cot and love you passionately against the nearest wall instead of going to the dance, we had best be on our way."

Lorelei's eyes lost none of their glazed look.

"OH? Oh yes, we…we should be off…"

She didn't move. He took a step forward. She asked, "Which wall?"

His lips curved wickedly,

"After the dance, pick a wall, any wall."

After reaching the dungeon stairway, Severus composed his features into a mask of inscrutability. Inside the Great Hall transformed into a red and white themed ballroom, faces turned eagerly when he and Lorelei entered. His upper lips started to curl. All across the chamber, girls squealed,

_"Septimus!"_

Like a tidal wave they came, girls of all houses, all years, crowding around to see the baby. Snape began to feel acutely uncomfortable. Keeping a firm hold on his socialite son, the professor said sternly,

"Return to your tables and your escorts _at once_."

The girls startled like a flock of birds and thankfully flew back to whence they came. At a far corner table, Remus and Tonks laughed at his look of relief. Septimus, the incorrigible flirt, held out his arms to Tonks, who took him with a smile.

"Dada better get used to this, eh, gorgeous?"

Lorelei smilingly tried to reassure her husband,

"Girls love babies. I'm sure that as he grows older, Septimus' admirers will go from legion to mere dozens."

"Dozens? Is that supposed to be a comfort, that my son will have _dozens_ of girls on the go in his future?" He scowled.

Remus gave a bark of laughter.

"Don't worry about the future, Severus, it'll take care of itself. Besides…" He added with a chuckle, "It's hardly likely the lad will have dozens of girls on the go- Merlin, he'd be Sirius!"

A tic started to spasm in the Potions Master's cheek at the vision of his innocent, loving child becoming a swaggering lothario. Not if _he_ had anything to say about it. Satisfied with his silent resolve, the wizard glanced at Lupin and said, "The last Wolfsbane trials engendered a trio of vapors before they dissipated." A pleased smile creased the face that the approaching full moon had etched with tension.

"Any progress is good, my friend. I know that one day, you'll stabilize the potion."

The corner of thin lips tugged upwards.

"I shall never stop trying, my friend." To stave off some physical demonstration of friendship, he changed the subject. "So, do you have an announcement to make tonight?" His knowing smirk made Tonks blush and Remus laugh while raising her left hand.

"Tonks has done me the very great honour of consenting to be my wife."

"That means he asked all proper and I said _oh yeah_!"

Remus held Septimus while Lorelei, and soon the rest of the female staff exclaimed over the metamorphmagus' ring like it was ten carats instead of less than one.

"I do believe women have a unique form of sixth sense which unerringly guides them to a betrothal ring." Albus pronounced as he and Minerva joined the queue to congratulate the newly engaged couple.

Severus gathered his son, who was starting to fret 'dadadada', and stood back from the throng. Lorelei joined them.

"Shall we dance?"

His eyebrows rose. Septimus' followed soon after. Laughing, the siren led the way to the centre of the room. Young couples snickered over the trio swaying together. One former student, there with her date, exclaimed,

"He's grown so much; he's so sweet, hello Septimus!"

Ginevra Weasley looked very grown up herself. Severus greeted,

"Miss Weasley, Professor Malfoy, Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials."

Lorelei hugged the pair, congratulating them more effusively. The redhead beamed,

"Thank you, I'm so happy." She gazed at her fiancée impishly and then shared, "Ron just announced that he and Hermione are engaged too. Isn't that wonderful?"

Wonderful was not the word he would have chosen. Thanking Merlin for a wife whose bright chatter made up for his pained silence, Severus looked from a curious Draco to a drowsy-eyed baby and made yet another resolve- to instill a loathing of know-it-alls in his son. Taking comfort from the second resolution he'd made that evening, he was able to comment politely when the situation warranted it. Ginny requested that she and Draco hold the baby while he and Lorelei had a dance.

Circling the dance floor with his wife awhile later, Severus admitted,

"I am a bit perturbed that events with vague resemblance to my dreams are occurring."

Lorelei lifted her hand from his shoulder to caress his cheek.

"Have faith in Septimus, darling, the way we have faith in you."

He smiled a bit, nodding,

"I will."

Severus began to maneuver his wife toward the future Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy, determined to have faith backed up with action. Shrugging off his concern about the future, he focused on the present, where he was determined to collect his sleeping son, deposit him in his cot, and invite his Valentine to pick a wall, or any other surface she liked.

* * *

A/N: Have faith indeed! Although things look dark thanks to the end of the HBP, I believe of everyone, wizard and muggle alike who now think Snape really is a bad guy, **But they were all of them, deceived…one by one the (readers) fell to the power of the (book). But there were some who resisted…** (and don't think Snape has truly gone to the Dark Side. He's the Gothic Hero!) Galadriel, or J.R.R. Tolkein, I'm not, but faithful, I am! Flicking my bic, holding up the flame with all others who don't take what they read at face value, I'll be happy to send the 8 reasons why to any interested, to make sure that** some things, that should not (be) forgotten (are not) lost… **

I actually looked through Valentine sites and used the 'hug and a hiss', 'valentiny' and a couple of other phrases to craft my own Valentines. There are a lot of craptacular Valentines out there...I feel like Severus, lol.


	18. Unexpected Party

Disclaimer: Not Jo, with more than 8 reasons why, lol. Although chapter 18 is the end of 'Daddy', fatherhood is lifelong, so I'm happy to post a one-shot _Father and Son: Severus and Septimus_, and Tonks and Remus finally get a romantic story of their own, _Once in a Blue Moon_. The **bold quotes** are from JRR Tolkien's _The Hobbit_, the first chapter, in which Bilbo was my inspiration for Snape's reaction to _An Unexpected Party._

* * *

Don't Call Me Daddy

Unexpected Party

**By some curious chance one morning** in May, Septimus plunged a dimpled hand into his bowl of porridge at the exact moment the guardian portrait announced that a visitor was requesting permission to enter. The boy who would turn one on the morrow took advantage of his mother's distraction to cram a gooey handful into his mouth. While Lorelei asked the name of the visitor, the toddler looked at his father and grinned, cereal coating his face and dripping from his fingers onto the tray of the highchair.

"Dada!"

Carefully folding the Prophet, Severus rose and walked toward the boy who reached out plump arms while Lorelei greeted their caller. Staying prudently out of range until he cleared the mess off chair and child with a gentle cleansing spell, the father lifted his son and said to their unexpected guest,

"Good morning, Albus, what brings you by so early?"

Removing a silver scarf before taking off his long grey cloak, the Headmaster's eyes twinkled behind half-moon glasses.

"I came to inform you that the…package…from Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes has arrived."

Clasping her hands in girlish excitement, Lorelei asked,

"Does it have all the…items…I requested?"

Rolling his eyes, Severus told the two talking in allusions for the benefit of a baby who would not know the difference,

"I shall put Septimus in his playpen on the other side of the lounge so that you can speak plainly."

Once he had done so, the wizard rejoined the pair who spoke in ridiculously low voices. Lorelei was reading a note from Fred and George that assured…

**They (will) go up like great lilies and snapdragons and laburnums of fire and hang in the twilight all evening!**

"Won't that be splendid?" She exclaimed, "The boys are brilliant at fireworks. These will be the perfect end to Septimus' birthday party."

"I thought we had agreed to keep the celebration small."

At his words, a look passed between Lorelei and Dumbledore. The wily old man said,

"Ah, well, as much as I would have enjoyed watching Septimus blow out his candle, I suppose a family party is best."

Uncomfortably aware of his wife's hopeful expression, Snape said a bit crossly,

"You know full well that you're like family, Albus, and quite welcome to celebrate with us."

Snatching up his scarf and cloak with a dexterity that belied his years, the white haired wizard nodded,

"Thank you. I shall look forward to it immensely."

Unaccountably annoyed by the way Albus seemed to be laughing silently, Severus prodded,

"Good Morning, and until tomorrow, Goodbye!"

Lorelei showed the Headmaster out, giggling like a schoolgirl when their departing guest said airily,

"**What a lot of things you do use _Good Morning_ for!"**

Severus was still frowning over whole, irregular, episode when his wife slid her arms around his waist and smiled.

"I like it best when you say 'Good Morning' and mean that you're going to kiss me breathless."

His lips curved. Sliding her curls back to expose a graceful neck, he bent and playfully raked his teeth across soft skin before kissing his way up her throat. The involuntary shivers she gave caused him to smile before murmuring silkily in her ear,

"Good Morning"

Her face turned toward his, her lips parting as she sought his mouth. Severus kissed Lorelei slowly and thoroughly, until her fingers slid into his hair and she pressed closer. He deepened the kiss with an inward smile, thinking of the past, when she would say 'Good Morning' and he would say 'Is it?' As his wife used to say, _It is now… _They broke apart when their son demanded,

"Up-py Dada, Up-py!"

Lorelei laughed, gratifyingly short of breath, looking at all the toys Septimus had thrown out of the playpen, unnoticed by his parents.

"I think our son is trying to tell us something."

A sardonic brow winged upward.

"Up-py, perchance?"

Hearing his newest, favorite expression, Septimus clapped his hands while standing in the playpen. Showing off his tiny upper and lower front teeth, he chortled,

"Up-py!"

Severus picked his son up. The boy smiled charmingly and grabbed his father's nose.

"Dada no"

"Yes, son, that is my nose, and I need it, so kindly release my proboscis."

Septimus' chubby fingers let go to reach for his mother.

"Mama no"

Lorelei smiled as she allowed little fingers to grasp her nose.

"That's right, darling, and where is Ari's nose?"

Snape winced sympathetically as his son smacked his nose with an opened palm and started to cry. With a withering look at his spouse, he said,

"If we are finished playing this oh-so-enjoyable game, I suggest a walk into the village."

"Sounds good to me. Want to go bye-bye, Ari?"

"Bye-Bye!"

After changing Septimus into clothing more appropriate for an outing, Lorelei carried the boy on her hip while Severus locomotered the Pegasus Pram up the dungeon stairs. Once they reached the main corridor, the boy was fastened into the seat. Hearing the trademark whinny as they glided down the corridor, Snape sighed,

"Why does every blasted baby accessory have to make _sounds_?"

"I don't know." replied Lorelei, "To appeal to parents?"

"It doesn't appeal to _me_."

At least Septimus enjoyed tugging on the tiny reins while the pram glided over the path to Hogsmeade. The weather was mild and sunny, and the villagers were going about their Saturday shopping. After steering his wife past Honeydukes- the last time they'd stopped in some dunderhead had given the baby candy floss- Snape stopped abruptly. The shop that had once been _Bilbo's Rings N Things_ now stood vacant. In the window, a sign read,

_Coming soon! Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes!_

Looking across the street at _Zonko's_, a thin lipped smile crossed the Potions Master's face. He looked forward to the rise in detentions. There were always barrels of newts and frogs to gut and specimen jars to refresh.

Making the mistake of remaining in public view when Lorelei dashed into the music shop 'just for a minute', Severus was forced to repel several enamored women. None were charmed by him, which was a meager blessing, but instead were captivated by his son. Sitting up in his pram, smiling and waving like a little prince to his devoted subjects, Septimus reveled in the attention. His father did not. Having to firmly state 'no you may not hold the baby', and 'kindly refrain from kissing the boy' grew tiring. And exasperating- why did females act as though he were jesting when he told them to admire from afar…preferably across the street? The wizard recognized NeSmith, Richie, Vincent and Davis as witches who over the years had taken his Potions class. Had he ever made a jest?

"I found the Wiggle Worms orb, Severus, and the Wee Sing Wizard Songs one too, wasn't I lucky?" Lorelei enthused as she exited the shop lifting a bag.

"Beyond belief"

Acting as though he hadn't been sarcastic, the siren stowed the purchase and said hello to the village ladies. While he pushed the pram into motion, forcing women to jump aside or have their shins bruised, she sang,

"Flobberworm, flobberworm, measuring the marigolds, you and your arithmetic, you'll probably go far…"

Severus tolerated the melodic inanity until she switched to singing, "_Hot Potato, Hot Potato…"_ Some things could not be endured, even for love.

"Let's go into the bookshop. I have to pick up Septimus' present."

His wife threw him an amused, understanding smile for his less than tactful interruption. His child frowned, little brows drawn together. Snape increased the pram's speed. The diversionary tactic worked. Septimus chortled in glee.

Inside _By the Book, _the wizard allowed his wife to chat with all and sundry in the children's area while he approached the service desk. Glancing up, the clerk asked,

"May I help you?"

After taking possession of the book he'd special ordered, Severus walked back to the children's section, where Madam Goose was reading a story by an author with the unfortunate last name of Potter. Since his child, sitting on the floor with several others, appeared content, he allowed the boy to remain and hear the rest of 'The Tale of Benjamin Bunny' whilst taking a seat beside Lorelei on a nearby bench.

"It came in?" She leaned against him to whisper.

In answer, he pulled the _Child's First Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs_ from its bag. Impervious to rips, spills, or other abuse meted out by little readers, the vivid pictures would ensure his precocious son's interest in potions. His satisfied expression made Lorelei cover her mouth with her hand. Watching her shoulders shake, he drawled,

"Something amuses you?"

Eyes bright, she pointed to a plant and said in an undertone,

"I'm sorry. It's just that…I got the strangest song in my head…" When he lifted an imperious brow, she sang in a soft voice, "Aconite, Aconite, also known as monkshood, the folk name for Wolf's Bane is Dumbledore's Delight…" He stared blankly for so long that she said embarrassedly, "I don't know why I came up with that, I won't sing it again…"

"Yes, you will." He cut in. Severus' mouth curved, "Septimus enjoys insipid tunes, why not use them to instruct him in magical herbs?" Lorelei returned his smile. Story time ended. Their son called,

"Up-py, Dada!"

A surreptitious glance at his timepiece showed that a visit to the Three Broomsticks was in order. Suggesting they do so, Severus pushed the baby towards their destination after his wife eagerly agreed. Inside the pub, a blond wizard lounged on a barstool, chatting with the proprietor. Snape nodded civilly.

"Madam Rosmerta, Professor Malfoy"

The brassy haired barkeep gasped,

"Merlin, he's grown even bigger, and more gorgeous. Come to Auntie Rosmerta, Septimus!"

The baby on Lorelei's hip considered the woman with upraised brows before smiling widely and leaning forward with open arms. Chuckling as he passed the boy over the bar to the cooing Rosmerta, Draco said,

"Got an eye for the ladies, that one…I don't envy you the grey hairs you'll get trying to keep your boy in line."

Severus curled his upper lip before replying blandly,

"You're doomed no matter what side of the family your children take after."

Lorelei laughed softly at Draco's chagrin. Across the tavern, a voice boomed,

"Back for our rematch?"

Severus and Draco exchanged lighting quick glances before the older Slytherin gazed at his wife. She gave him a knowing look and smiled,

"Go on" Stepping close, she kissed him 'for luck'. Retrieving their son, Lorelei followed as he and Malfoy strolled to meet the pair that looked to have been engaged in a darts match. Orlando cleared the board with a serene smile,

"Perseverance is an admirable trait."

"Scots claim it." Gimli boasted.

"We'll see about that." Draco countered. Severus stepped between them.

"Cricket?"

"Aye" The stocky master gardener growled.

"Whatever" Draco shrugged.

"Closest to the Bull's Eye begins the match." Orlando pushed his partner toward the board and away from confrontation, "Throw"

Gimli, the jammy bastard, hit closest and chose to start for his team. Severus concealed his vexation. Draco, thanks to months of intensive practice, matched the barrel-chested Scot's triple on 15. The Fae stepped up and fluidly hit the coveted inner ring of 16. Snape coolly matched it.

"Oh!"

Lorelei's gasp was echoed by the baby watching interestedly. The patrons that had gathered around chuckled. Severus and Draco met each other's eyes and looked away. The match continued to be a contest of triples. Each throw was watched in hushed silence. Every hit was greeted with cheers. After Draco closed out 19, Septimus called after the cheers had died down,

"Dada!"

The now considerable crowd laughed. Holding his son, Severus whispered in the baby's ear as Orlando chose a dart. Right as the Fae prepared to throw, Septimus crowed,

"Lo-lo!"

Orlando hit a double. He turned and stared incredulously. The boy smiled angelically,

"Lo-lo, Up-py!"

"He called me 'Lo-lo'." The preternaturally handsome man said with a delighted grin, taking the baby who held out his arms. Handing his son over with a gleam in his eye, Severus murmured,

"Yes, he did." Focusing, he hit a triple, turning just in time to keep from being bowled over by his wife. She threw herself into his arms and kissed him soundly. He allowed her to vent her passion for…the match…and then smirked at Gimli. "Your turn."

Out of the corner of his eye, Snape saw Draco mouth a word to Septimus before standing behind the shorter man. The baby almost hurled himself out of Orlando's grip, crying,

"Lee-lee!"

The dart embedded in the center ring of the 20. Gimli clapped Orlando on the shoulder and said,

"Ha! You're not the only one the nipper's taken a shine to. Come to Gimli yeh braw laddie…"

While Septimus tugged happily at the man's auburn beard, Draco hit a Bull's Eye. The patrons of the Broomsticks were silent for one disbelieving moment and then erupted into boisterous cheers. Draco shook Severus' hand vigorously, laughing in elation. Lorelei kissed Malfoy on the cheek and her husband on the mouth.

"What an amazing match! It was so exciting!"

He agreed, and would've liked to have shown how much, but refrained from further public demonstrations of affection. His opponents shook hands and congratulated him before turning to Draco and doing likewise. Malfoy bought the house a round. After another burst of cheering had died down and drinking had begun, Orlando stared across the table and said thoughtfully,

"Strange how just before we were to throw, Gimli and I each became distracted."

Taking an uncouth gulp of fine oak matured mead, the Scot used his tankard to point to the baby sitting on his mother's lap, banging a spoon against the table.

"Yer can't blame a bairn fer liking yeh!"

Leaning towards Septimus, Orlando pointed to Gimli,

"Who's that, Septimus?" The man smiled winningly while pointing to himself, "What's my name?"

Tiny black brows drew together. The boy remained silent. Pushing back his chair, the Fae walked over, pulled the dart from the Bull's Eye, and strode back with it. Septimus gurgled,

"Lo-lo!"

Pointing the dart at the former opponent now snickering, Orlando accused,

"You two are cheaters!"

Draco lifted his tankard and smirked.

"Slytherins, actually, or winners…" He looked at Severus who drawled,

"Victors is another description, but I prefer _title-holders…_"

Gimli rumbled,

"Title-holders! Not for long… I demand a rematch!"

Orlando stated,

"So do I."

Rising, Severus inclined his head,

"Very well, a rematch you shall have…one day…"

Escorting his family out of the tavern, he heard Draco shout,

"Another round for the house!"

A glimpse in the window showed the Scot and the Fae smiling wryly as they tapped their tankards against Malfoy's. Hoping that Draco didn't get himself embroiled in another challenge, Severus pushed the pram with a now sleepy baby back to Hogwarts. Lorelei slipped her arm around his waist and smiled invitingly as they traveled the deserted path.

"To the victor go the spoils."

The Pegasus Pram halted, unnoticed by the baby who slept. Severus bent toward his wife. She reached up on tiptoe. Their lips met and parted in a kiss of love, triumph, and need. Her hands clutched his shoulders. The baby stirred. The couple's mouths parted, smiling. Lorelei's hand slipped into his. Snape squeezed her fingers gently while setting the pram into motion once more.

* * *

As the hour for Septimus' Birthday Party approached, Marina, Jean-Luc, and Tynan had all Apparated or flooed to Hogsmeade and walked to the school to help prepare. The indulgent grandparents went a bit overboard on all the decorations, in Severus' mind, but he could not fault their adoration of a child so bright and loving. Following Lorelei into the nursery, he leaned against a wall, out-sneered a Kraken, and asked while his son nursed, 

"How many guests do your parents think are coming? Albus likes his food and drink, but he's only one man."

She smiled,

"It's Ari's first birthday, surely a bit of excess can be excused."

He leaned down and smoothed the baby's shiny black hair, nodding his agreement. Septimus looked up and smiled. Severus experienced a fierce, overwhelming feeling that he would do anything for his son, for his wife and for their family…it was humbling and yet satisfying in ways he couldn't explain, even to himself.

The Guardian Portrait chimed.

"That must be Albus. I'll go." He offered, smiling quizzically when she caught his hand and brought it to her lips with a 'Thank You' that seemed more deeply meant than the situation warranted.

After Severus released the ward, the portrait lifted and Minerva stepped through. She handed him a present, hung her dark green hooded cloak on a peg and smiled,

"Good afternoon, Severus. Has Albus arrived?"

"No" He realized the Headmaster must have invited McGonagall as his date and asked, "May I get you a drink?"

"Minerva! Lovely to see you, would you care for a glass of champagne…?"

Marina whisked the other woman off before she could respond to Snape's offer. He shrugged and listened to the four chatting. The ward on the outer corridor chimed again. The wizard released it and then gazed in surprise at the professor strolling into the lounge with a large wrapped present under his arm. Taking the gift, Severus nodded when Draco observed,

"I'm not the first to arrive. Excellent..." The blond hung up a scarlet coloured cloak. That was odd. Malfoy usually never wore anything except white, gray, or black. Before he could perfunctorily offer a drink, Jean-Luc exclaimed,

"Just the man I wanted to see. My researchers tell me that one of your departments at Malfoy Enterprises…" The two strolled to a corner of the lounge that seemed larger than it had before. Before he could puzzle out exactly how the room had changed, the chime sounded again.

Tonks and Remus, in blue hooded cloaks, came into the lounge bearing gifts.

"Mine's a broomstick that turns into a golem." Tonks grinned.

"Of course I chose a book." Remus chuckled.

Taking the presents and placing them with the others on a side table, Severus indicated the empty pegs on the wall…he knew there hadn't been any a moment ago…and said dryly,

"Since you're here, you may as well have a drink."

Tynan, rushing over to kiss Tonk's hand, assured his son-in-law that he'd be delighted to fix such a fine young betrothed couple a drink. With a sense of unreality, the wizard gazed at the gathering in his lounge. How had a small, family celebration grown so quickly? When the chime sounded once more, Severus didn't wait for the portrait to rise fully before saying irritably,

"About time you showed up."

It wasn't Dumbledore, as he'd expected. Instead, Sprout, Gimli, Orlando, Hagrid, and Trelawney stood smiling at him.

"See there, I told you we were welcome!" Pomona said heartily. Within moments, cloaks of brown, grey, white, and two shades of purple hung on pegs that had mysteriously appeared on the wall and the new guests were chatting with the ones sipping drinks and accepting appetizers from Slinky, who had stepped out of the fireplace and begun serving.

"A veritable throng, is it not?" Sybill pronounced to her grudging host.

Her magnified eyes gleamed with excitement as she imparted, "I must tell you, I divined Septimus' future in the proscribed six ways on Sunday, and it is very bright, and filled with more happiness than I could express."

Unable to be annoyed by such an agreeable forecast, he said, "Thank you."

"You, on the other hand, Severus, will see all your fears realized." When he scowled, she squeaked hurriedly, "But, but the cards also point to lasting contentment."

"Leave Snape be, Sybill. I think there's some Spanish sherry- go try some." Minerva said waspishly as she reached the pair.

Glaring at McGonagall, Trelawney sniffed, "Fine" before drifting over to share Septimus' future with his smiling grandparents.

"Don't mind her, Severus. She told me that I would be the next bride at Hogwarts." Shaking her head, Minerva said disapprovingly, "Perhaps we should keep her out of the sherry. The woman's drunk or daft. I'm over seventy years old. The very idea…"

"Hmmm" Noncommittal seemed the only politic response. Snape took a step back and was almost knocked to the ground. Hagrid apologized profusely for not watching his step, beyond what was required until the Slytherin's hauteur eased and he raised a hand to halt the flow of abashed words, saying, **"Pray don't mention it."**

The door chimed. It was Dumbledore at last. Taking off his grey cloak, bright blue eyes twinkled, surveying the room.

"**Quite a merry gathering! I hope there is something left for late-comers to eat and drink." **

Lorelei, with Septimus in her arms, reached the pair at the entry.

"How about some tea?" she asked with a brilliant smile.

Albus winked at her and chuckled,

"Shall I quote from _The Hobbit _again to keep in party theme? I'd be delighted." Clearing his throat, the Headmaster exclaimed, **"What's that? Tea? No thank you! A little red wine, I think for me."**

"Dada, Up-py!"

Holding his son, Severus looked at his wife and huffed in reluctant amusement. A _Hobbit_ birthday party? He should've felt annoyed by Lorelei's subterfuge, but instead felt strangely content to have his quarters over-run by friends and family wishing to share this special day. After the group **ate and ate and talked and talked and time got on**, he said with only a hint of a grumble,

"**I suppose you will all stay** to cut the birthday cake?"

They all did. After the adults sang 'Happy Birthday', Septimus had 'dada' blow out the candle, and grabbed dual handfuls of cake to eat with an endearing grin. The one-year-old toddled from person to person afterwards, smiling and saying 'Up-py' and being made much of. By the time twilight arrived and it was time to set off fireworks, the boy lay tiredly against his father's shoulder. Standing behind the group oohing and ahhing over lilies and snapdragons, and stars and spirals busting forth in colours that, as promised, hung in the twilight instead of dissipating, Snape looked down at his son. The child was drowsily watching the pyrotechnic display. Lorelei kissed a rounded cheek and murmured, "We love you, birthday boy."

Sleepily, the baby said, "mama"

"Yes, we love you very much." Severus agreed as he gazed at the child who had transformed his life. Septimus smiled with heavy eyes and said,

"Dad-dy"

The wizard stiffened. The sound was more "Da- ee", but he knew that his wife slipped from time to time and said 'Daddy'. Now his son had too. The boy said it again. Lorelei gave him a look of apology and corrected gently,

"No, Ari, not dad-dy, _dada_…can you say…"

"Shhh…" Severus whispered, almost unable to speak. Taking a deep breath, he smiled at his wife in a way that made her eyes fill with happy tears before turning to Septimus and instructing softly,

"Call me Daddy"

* * *

A/N: Eighteen chapters to get Snape to the point in his life where he could be called Daddy! I almost called the chap 'Oh Daddy!' but I didn't want to give it away, although I know most of you knew it was coming and just wondered how I'd work round to it! Hope you enjoyed the Hobbit birthday party. When I pondered what kind of birthday party to throw, I remembered using the tea party in SI, thought of how Bilbo was annoyed at Gandalf and then how the Dwarves arrived in shifts to keep Bilbo off kilter and accepting. I thought what if Lorelei took a page out of the book to get Severus round the idea of a birthday bash? The colours of the cloaks/order and number of guest(s) that show up on the doorstep were taken from the book also…love that Tolkien! I also love the 'inchworm' song Kermit sings in a muppet film, and the HP Lexicon, from which I took the Aconite definition. Hope you've loved the fic and tell me about it in a Review! 


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